From This Moment On - Shania Twin
From this moment life has begun
From this moment you are the one
Right beside you is where I belong
From this moment on
From this moment I have been blessed
I live only for your happiness
And for your love I'd give my last breath
From this moment on
I give my hand to you with all my heart
Can't wait to live my life with you, can't wait to start
You and I will never be apart
My dreams came true because of you
From this moment as long as I live
I will love you, I promise you this
There is nothing I wouldn't give
From this moment on
You're the reason I believe in love
And you're the answer to my prayers from up above
All we need is just the two of us
My dreams came true because of you
From this moment as long as I live
I will love you, I promise you this
From this moment
I will love you as long as I live
From this moment on
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
Missing Someone
Have u ever missed someone and felt terrible because u think tat he/she doesn't miss u?
Missing someone is a terrible but at the same time, sweet feeling. U will be sitting around wondering if u meant anything to him/her.
Thinking if he/she ever cares about u. Rushing to the phone once it rings hoping that it's him/her. Looking out of the window hoping that he/she will surprise u by appearing downstairs. Sitting in front of the television but thinking of her missing the final episode of your favourite show. Laying on your bed, thinking of the last time u wen out together. Thinking of how nice it will be to sit under the stars again, talking about everything, your dreams, plans, future. Logging on to the internet hoping to see him/her online. When u realise that he/she isn't online and did not return your page, u will start worrying if he/she is okay.
Missing someone is a way of growing up i guess. It exposes u to loneliness. It teaches u how to cope with being lonely and let u know that there is actually a feeling known as emptiness. Sometimes it feels good to miss someone. U know that u really care and u indulge in the feeling of loving/caring for him/her. But missing someone and not knowing if he/she is feeling the same is terrible. U feel as if u are being left alone. So if u miss someone, tell him/her and let them know. At the same time, ask if they miss u. Don't let the feeling of missing someone become jealousy or paranoid. If u are the one being missed and u know it, let the
other party know. if u miss him/her too, tell them. Don't let them wait.
Missing someone is a terrible but at the same time, sweet feeling. U will be sitting around wondering if u meant anything to him/her.
Thinking if he/she ever cares about u. Rushing to the phone once it rings hoping that it's him/her. Looking out of the window hoping that he/she will surprise u by appearing downstairs. Sitting in front of the television but thinking of her missing the final episode of your favourite show. Laying on your bed, thinking of the last time u wen out together. Thinking of how nice it will be to sit under the stars again, talking about everything, your dreams, plans, future. Logging on to the internet hoping to see him/her online. When u realise that he/she isn't online and did not return your page, u will start worrying if he/she is okay.
Missing someone is a way of growing up i guess. It exposes u to loneliness. It teaches u how to cope with being lonely and let u know that there is actually a feeling known as emptiness. Sometimes it feels good to miss someone. U know that u really care and u indulge in the feeling of loving/caring for him/her. But missing someone and not knowing if he/she is feeling the same is terrible. U feel as if u are being left alone. So if u miss someone, tell him/her and let them know. At the same time, ask if they miss u. Don't let the feeling of missing someone become jealousy or paranoid. If u are the one being missed and u know it, let the
other party know. if u miss him/her too, tell them. Don't let them wait.
Flashbacks...
Haven't been with contact with u for two weeks liao... no sms, no calls, no chats on MSN.. in fact I dun even get to see U on MSN anymore... maybe ur ex moved back with U liao..because I remember U once told me that if she moved back with U, U wun be able to chat with me on iNTERNET anymore becoz U got to accompany her... true... or maybe U are busy at camp...
I am moving on... but I still think of you.. maybe like people used to say... sometimes things that U dun get U always think it is the best... but when U get it.. U dun treasure it anymore... true... that's what I thought too... Because we can nv be together and we will nv be together, you will always be that perfect in my eyes... if we are ever going to be together, maybe I wun think of U as so great anymore... but come to think abt it.. it might be fate too.. because within 2 days of knowing you... we become so close... the relationship grew at such a fast rate that it become simply unbelieveable...
So now.. i am really scared... I dun wan it to be a one sided thing anymore.. i promise myself I wun be that toopidz anymore... frenz is always better.... recently I keep on hanging out at the jetty overlooking johor near my place... doing something that I used to like alot.. drinking... hahaha... it is cool really... I haven't been there for a very long time and I really love that place alot becoz it used to be the place where I will go whenever I am upset or frustered abt something... I talked to my frenz.. about U... I am able to talk about you like U are one of my normal frenz... even though underneath I really wish I can hate U.... but like I say I am letting it go.. so being able to talk to someone about U is good... at least for one thing I know I am facing up to my own feelings... at least I can talk about U like normal and not hang on to U in my mind... I wished U all the best... from the bottom of my heart.. I wished one day I will be able to find someone like U who pamper his gf... like his one and only princess too... U always make me feel protected and loved... maybe that is why it has been so hard for me to let U go... so hard for me to forget U..it is surprising why something that short can be that memorable... and can creat such a strong feeling....
I am moving on... but I still think of you.. maybe like people used to say... sometimes things that U dun get U always think it is the best... but when U get it.. U dun treasure it anymore... true... that's what I thought too... Because we can nv be together and we will nv be together, you will always be that perfect in my eyes... if we are ever going to be together, maybe I wun think of U as so great anymore... but come to think abt it.. it might be fate too.. because within 2 days of knowing you... we become so close... the relationship grew at such a fast rate that it become simply unbelieveable...
So now.. i am really scared... I dun wan it to be a one sided thing anymore.. i promise myself I wun be that toopidz anymore... frenz is always better.... recently I keep on hanging out at the jetty overlooking johor near my place... doing something that I used to like alot.. drinking... hahaha... it is cool really... I haven't been there for a very long time and I really love that place alot becoz it used to be the place where I will go whenever I am upset or frustered abt something... I talked to my frenz.. about U... I am able to talk about you like U are one of my normal frenz... even though underneath I really wish I can hate U.... but like I say I am letting it go.. so being able to talk to someone about U is good... at least for one thing I know I am facing up to my own feelings... at least I can talk about U like normal and not hang on to U in my mind... I wished U all the best... from the bottom of my heart.. I wished one day I will be able to find someone like U who pamper his gf... like his one and only princess too... U always make me feel protected and loved... maybe that is why it has been so hard for me to let U go... so hard for me to forget U..it is surprising why something that short can be that memorable... and can creat such a strong feeling....
Saturday, October 08, 2005
Starting Life Afresh Without U....
A fast update... the time now is 12.17am in the morning.. I am real tired after a day's work... was simply too angry, annoyed and pissed off in the afternoon over work matters... stressed... but now since I am not home.. I might as well just forget all about it huh... hehehe... have to wake up very early tomolo becoz I am bringing my cousin who is in SG for a visit back to Batu Pahat to visit our grandma and grandpa... a day trip... which I bet will make me even more tired in the end.. but what to do.. as if I have a choice right?? Haha I got to play host...
Just got a bad new today... disappointing in fact as I just lost a frenz.. actually not my frenz.. is my frenz's frenz in Malaysia who I only met once in KL over coffee.... a very nice person in fact... but too bad he is dead... he committed sucide two days ago over his gf... sad right?? I would nv understand why there are so many silly ppl in this world who will committ sucide and give up their precious life over the word LOVE.... I really wanna call that "CHI QING".. like what ppl always say.. loving someone means u are willing to even give up ur life for that person U love... if U are doing it in a honourable manner by saving ur gf/bf... I call that "CHI QINg".. it will surely touch me a lot to know that in the world there will be someone who will love me and protect me to the extent of even giving up his life for me... just to make sure nothing will ever happen to me... but to give up ur life over a failed relationship is toopidz... U love the person alot.. but that person dun even love U at all.. isn't it not worth... maybe she really regret it and find out that she really love U but U are already dead... she can cry for all she want over ur grave.. but she will move on to marry someone... memories will be there.. but it will no longer be of any importance at all at her wedding night... unless U tell me the ger also committ sucide in order to follow U in death I got nothing to say abt that... one failed relationship doesn't mean nothing better will come along.. maybe she is just not the right one.. maybe there is someone else better than her.. who is waiting for U.. but bloody hell.. U gave it up... looking in the short term but not the long term..... I have seen so many frenz gave up their life becoz of LOVE... horrible.... if U look into my precious blogs... I spoke abt another frenz who also died becoz of LOVE and I said I dun wan to see another one again... or attend another funeral... the next thing U know.. the same thing happen again.... what can I say?? Yah I know it is hard to get over a failed relationship, the misery in losing the someone U love.. but... still I have to insist it is not worth losing ur precious life for LOVE.... one can do fine without it... the most be like me... be upset and terrible for a few weeks or maybe months.. then things will be alright again.... I believe...
One closed door opens itself to another..... there is nothing in this world that will last forever.... U can't bring ur loved one and money to the grave... in Buddhist teachings, they always say such things are temporary.. U can well live without these things in life... one got to learn to let go... and not hold on to it...
Well U have went missing in my life... but I have to say thanks to U for going missing... becoz then I am able to stand up and move on by myself... yah I felt bad for the previous few weeks.. but I am slowly adapting myself again.... at least these few days I no longer need music to force myself to slp... I no longer dream of U... and even though I still think of U alot... at least now the thoughts do not linger in my mind for too long... memories are scary sometimes.. they fade off with time... the memories of U are fading off gradually which I believe I shld be thankful for it... even though I lost a gd frenz but I still have to say I will nv be able to forget U... U will always have a place in my heart as well as in my mind.. as part of my memories becoz I once promise U before i will nv forget u... I stand by my promise even though U also did promise me before we will stay in contact no matter what and U will nv forget me... but anyway thanks for playing a part in my life... thanks for everything that U have given me... thanks for teaching me so much and increasing my knowledge about so many things... Cheers..
Just got a bad new today... disappointing in fact as I just lost a frenz.. actually not my frenz.. is my frenz's frenz in Malaysia who I only met once in KL over coffee.... a very nice person in fact... but too bad he is dead... he committed sucide two days ago over his gf... sad right?? I would nv understand why there are so many silly ppl in this world who will committ sucide and give up their precious life over the word LOVE.... I really wanna call that "CHI QING".. like what ppl always say.. loving someone means u are willing to even give up ur life for that person U love... if U are doing it in a honourable manner by saving ur gf/bf... I call that "CHI QINg".. it will surely touch me a lot to know that in the world there will be someone who will love me and protect me to the extent of even giving up his life for me... just to make sure nothing will ever happen to me... but to give up ur life over a failed relationship is toopidz... U love the person alot.. but that person dun even love U at all.. isn't it not worth... maybe she really regret it and find out that she really love U but U are already dead... she can cry for all she want over ur grave.. but she will move on to marry someone... memories will be there.. but it will no longer be of any importance at all at her wedding night... unless U tell me the ger also committ sucide in order to follow U in death I got nothing to say abt that... one failed relationship doesn't mean nothing better will come along.. maybe she is just not the right one.. maybe there is someone else better than her.. who is waiting for U.. but bloody hell.. U gave it up... looking in the short term but not the long term..... I have seen so many frenz gave up their life becoz of LOVE... horrible.... if U look into my precious blogs... I spoke abt another frenz who also died becoz of LOVE and I said I dun wan to see another one again... or attend another funeral... the next thing U know.. the same thing happen again.... what can I say?? Yah I know it is hard to get over a failed relationship, the misery in losing the someone U love.. but... still I have to insist it is not worth losing ur precious life for LOVE.... one can do fine without it... the most be like me... be upset and terrible for a few weeks or maybe months.. then things will be alright again.... I believe...
One closed door opens itself to another..... there is nothing in this world that will last forever.... U can't bring ur loved one and money to the grave... in Buddhist teachings, they always say such things are temporary.. U can well live without these things in life... one got to learn to let go... and not hold on to it...
Well U have went missing in my life... but I have to say thanks to U for going missing... becoz then I am able to stand up and move on by myself... yah I felt bad for the previous few weeks.. but I am slowly adapting myself again.... at least these few days I no longer need music to force myself to slp... I no longer dream of U... and even though I still think of U alot... at least now the thoughts do not linger in my mind for too long... memories are scary sometimes.. they fade off with time... the memories of U are fading off gradually which I believe I shld be thankful for it... even though I lost a gd frenz but I still have to say I will nv be able to forget U... U will always have a place in my heart as well as in my mind.. as part of my memories becoz I once promise U before i will nv forget u... I stand by my promise even though U also did promise me before we will stay in contact no matter what and U will nv forget me... but anyway thanks for playing a part in my life... thanks for everything that U have given me... thanks for teaching me so much and increasing my knowledge about so many things... Cheers..
Sunday, October 02, 2005
Thoughts of YOU
Thoughts of U everywhere I go.. every min of my life.... the more I try to keep U out the more U come back into my life...
I went past the Ritz Carlton yesterday and I remember the story that U told me about.. the one night stay that U planned for her birthday... at that time I thought wow.. how romantic of U to do that for ur ex.. I also hope one day I will have the chance to enjoy that one moment of pampering like your one and only princess...(U used to call me princess.. will I still hear that from U now??)... but thoughts of U and ur ex being happy together flood back into my memories... how happy U will be....
Then we went past NYDC... where we had dinner once.. I went to watch the movie "Shen Hua" a movie which U promise U will watch with me.... but that will nv be fulfilled now... U promise U will celebrate my birthday for me this year.. will you still?? U asked me not to be silly.. U will nv forget me in ur life... U will also remember me... and U will surely celebrate my birthday for me.. will you stand by whatever U have said??? I seriously doubt so... while watching the movie.. during the part where they are fighting the war... I thought of U again... I asked you before a question what will u do if Singapore ever goes to war... and U told me so much abt what U will do...the funni thing is I cannot remember the safe combination between U and me but I can rememeber every single thing that U ever told me... surprise right??? U are also surprised that I still remember your entire schedule for the week even though U just told me once... but I would nv want Singapore to go to war because thoughts of U going into the battlefield simply scare me to the bones... considering how much U protect all your mens... I would think of so much U will be doing to stand by ur responsibilities in protecting them by all means...
I went to play badminton today... so much wanted U to come along... but I nv asked U and I believe U wun come too... anyway damn it.. I broke my toe nails.. damn it... it is bleeding even though I only noiced the blood when I got home 6 hours later.. toopidz right..?? It is not just those simple wounds... half of my toe skin is exposed... without the protection of the nail as the breakage just simple tore the whole nail off... damn it.. I have no idea what happen... anyway badminton was good... haha...
I was watching the news today and they showed one Cambodia kid with serious scoliosis problem. I used to hate my spine problem because it caused me so much in life... I am not able to do so many things that I wanted to do, I am not able to look pretty and beautiful like all other gers.... no curves no breast.. no nothing but a distorted body figure... (sometimes I think it is becoz of my external appearance that is why U didn;t choose me over ur EX... becoz U told me U like so much abt her style of dressing, her looks, her laughter, her smile, her company...) I was sad...U told me b4 U and her started off as a chance... then U ended up falling in love with her everything... as she slowly moved into ur life....I would understand why you prefer her company as compared to mine.. U two have so much things to talk abt...there is so much things for her to tell U... and U are willing to open up ur heart to her.. to tell her everything that is going through your mind.. that is something I will nv be able to do... u are nv willing to open up in front of me even if I asked... u will just wave it off with a word nothing... there are times when I feel that there are things u wanna to tell me or U are thinking abt that I would have to probe for b4 you are willing to tell me.... that is just what I am so sick and tired of... I nv understand U at all.... that why I said U are just too difficult to understand becoz U dun let me understand U..... I told U before I have nothing to offer except for my character and personality... and U said all U wanna is a simple gal... and U dun goes for looks.. rubbish.... but anyway.. I told myself before I will not be brought down becoz of my scoliosis problem.. there are far more ppl in a worse situation than me... who am I compared to what they have to suffer?? At least I get to behave like a normal person... and look like a normal person.. there are so many ppls out there who can't cover their disabilities and they live on with it... the person who truly love me is someone who do not goes for my external appearance (which is by the way something that nv last.. as humans grow old)... the person who truly love me loves me for who I really am... with or without the scoliosis problem... Thomas said to me.. too bad U make the wrong decision... becoz I am too good for U in every aspects... Thomas said I deserve better... Yah I think I deserve a guy who can accept me for who I am... because this is the only way a relationship will get to last eternally.....
It is a painful process to let U go.. but there are just so many reasons why U and me dun work.. I really dun see why I should cling on to something that I wun see a future in.. it is just like seeing a big hole in front of U.. and U still choose to jump right into it...in my case I have choosed to jump.. i thought maybe U and me will be able to work out... but U regretted ur decision and U didn't jump along with me... staying on the edge not even bothering to give me a helping hand... upon seeing U make up ur decision, there is nothing I can do but to continue my fall *sadz & disappointed*... luckily there is a branch in mid hill to break my fall.. now it just depends on how I am going to get back up again.... in this case will the final winner belong to the BRAIN or the HEART???
I went past the Ritz Carlton yesterday and I remember the story that U told me about.. the one night stay that U planned for her birthday... at that time I thought wow.. how romantic of U to do that for ur ex.. I also hope one day I will have the chance to enjoy that one moment of pampering like your one and only princess...(U used to call me princess.. will I still hear that from U now??)... but thoughts of U and ur ex being happy together flood back into my memories... how happy U will be....
Then we went past NYDC... where we had dinner once.. I went to watch the movie "Shen Hua" a movie which U promise U will watch with me.... but that will nv be fulfilled now... U promise U will celebrate my birthday for me this year.. will you still?? U asked me not to be silly.. U will nv forget me in ur life... U will also remember me... and U will surely celebrate my birthday for me.. will you stand by whatever U have said??? I seriously doubt so... while watching the movie.. during the part where they are fighting the war... I thought of U again... I asked you before a question what will u do if Singapore ever goes to war... and U told me so much abt what U will do...the funni thing is I cannot remember the safe combination between U and me but I can rememeber every single thing that U ever told me... surprise right??? U are also surprised that I still remember your entire schedule for the week even though U just told me once... but I would nv want Singapore to go to war because thoughts of U going into the battlefield simply scare me to the bones... considering how much U protect all your mens... I would think of so much U will be doing to stand by ur responsibilities in protecting them by all means...
I went to play badminton today... so much wanted U to come along... but I nv asked U and I believe U wun come too... anyway damn it.. I broke my toe nails.. damn it... it is bleeding even though I only noiced the blood when I got home 6 hours later.. toopidz right..?? It is not just those simple wounds... half of my toe skin is exposed... without the protection of the nail as the breakage just simple tore the whole nail off... damn it.. I have no idea what happen... anyway badminton was good... haha...
I was watching the news today and they showed one Cambodia kid with serious scoliosis problem. I used to hate my spine problem because it caused me so much in life... I am not able to do so many things that I wanted to do, I am not able to look pretty and beautiful like all other gers.... no curves no breast.. no nothing but a distorted body figure... (sometimes I think it is becoz of my external appearance that is why U didn;t choose me over ur EX... becoz U told me U like so much abt her style of dressing, her looks, her laughter, her smile, her company...) I was sad...U told me b4 U and her started off as a chance... then U ended up falling in love with her everything... as she slowly moved into ur life....I would understand why you prefer her company as compared to mine.. U two have so much things to talk abt...there is so much things for her to tell U... and U are willing to open up ur heart to her.. to tell her everything that is going through your mind.. that is something I will nv be able to do... u are nv willing to open up in front of me even if I asked... u will just wave it off with a word nothing... there are times when I feel that there are things u wanna to tell me or U are thinking abt that I would have to probe for b4 you are willing to tell me.... that is just what I am so sick and tired of... I nv understand U at all.... that why I said U are just too difficult to understand becoz U dun let me understand U..... I told U before I have nothing to offer except for my character and personality... and U said all U wanna is a simple gal... and U dun goes for looks.. rubbish.... but anyway.. I told myself before I will not be brought down becoz of my scoliosis problem.. there are far more ppl in a worse situation than me... who am I compared to what they have to suffer?? At least I get to behave like a normal person... and look like a normal person.. there are so many ppls out there who can't cover their disabilities and they live on with it... the person who truly love me is someone who do not goes for my external appearance (which is by the way something that nv last.. as humans grow old)... the person who truly love me loves me for who I really am... with or without the scoliosis problem... Thomas said to me.. too bad U make the wrong decision... becoz I am too good for U in every aspects... Thomas said I deserve better... Yah I think I deserve a guy who can accept me for who I am... because this is the only way a relationship will get to last eternally.....
It is a painful process to let U go.. but there are just so many reasons why U and me dun work.. I really dun see why I should cling on to something that I wun see a future in.. it is just like seeing a big hole in front of U.. and U still choose to jump right into it...in my case I have choosed to jump.. i thought maybe U and me will be able to work out... but U regretted ur decision and U didn't jump along with me... staying on the edge not even bothering to give me a helping hand... upon seeing U make up ur decision, there is nothing I can do but to continue my fall *sadz & disappointed*... luckily there is a branch in mid hill to break my fall.. now it just depends on how I am going to get back up again.... in this case will the final winner belong to the BRAIN or the HEART???
Dreams are scary...
Dreams are scary... now then I realise.. dreams in the past dun mean anything to me.... I can dream abt anything everything on earth and it doesn't signify anything at all coming back to the realisitic world... but these couple of days... I realise how scary dreams can be... the more I dun want to think about U... somehow after successfully forcing myself to fall asleep... I would dream of U... there is no one day which I will not wake up in the middle of the night because I dreamt of U... I dun wish for the dream to continue... I must wake myself up to tell myself.. whatever happening is just a dream... a beautiful dream that will nv happen... the same goes for tonight.. I am real busy after running around the entire day... I failed miserably in my attempt of trying not to sms you.. in the end I got myself all disappointed and fed up when U didn't reply... so I said fine... I will go to sleep as I am real tired... went to sleep at 11pm plus... then i dreamt abt U.. so I woke up.. now I can't sleep becoz my brains is filled with thoughts of U...
It seems that the harder U try to forget the person, the harder U remember him.... I tried all means and ways to forget U... tried making myself hate U by telling myself maybe U are with another ger now... maybe U have another target.. maybe U are just a cassanova playing around with gers' hearts... maybe U are with ur ex now... tried telling myself I am alright being single even before your appearance... I tried consoling myself saying that I dun wan to lose a frenz like U.. therefore I rather keep U as a frenz than lose U forever... we can still be good frenz like the past.... I will still be there for U whenever U need me although nowadays U dun seem to need me that much anymore.. maybe U found someone else to replace the position... maybe nowadays U are going out with her... like u did with me in the past... a late night movie plus supper until 2 or 3 in the mrning.. i remember when we are going out.. you also nv replied to ur sms or calls at all...
Went to watch "Shen Hua" today... and my brother keep on playing the theme song... so disturbing.. becoz it is too touching.... ok go listen to my Bossa Nova... maybe I will be able to fall asleep again... I dunno how long this is going to continue for...
It seems that the harder U try to forget the person, the harder U remember him.... I tried all means and ways to forget U... tried making myself hate U by telling myself maybe U are with another ger now... maybe U have another target.. maybe U are just a cassanova playing around with gers' hearts... maybe U are with ur ex now... tried telling myself I am alright being single even before your appearance... I tried consoling myself saying that I dun wan to lose a frenz like U.. therefore I rather keep U as a frenz than lose U forever... we can still be good frenz like the past.... I will still be there for U whenever U need me although nowadays U dun seem to need me that much anymore.. maybe U found someone else to replace the position... maybe nowadays U are going out with her... like u did with me in the past... a late night movie plus supper until 2 or 3 in the mrning.. i remember when we are going out.. you also nv replied to ur sms or calls at all...
Went to watch "Shen Hua" today... and my brother keep on playing the theme song... so disturbing.. becoz it is too touching.... ok go listen to my Bossa Nova... maybe I will be able to fall asleep again... I dunno how long this is going to continue for...
Friday, September 30, 2005
Saying Sorry...
Why do you keep on saying sorry to me? What are you apologising for?? Sorry for not accommpanying me for this entire week? Sorry for not talking to me this entire week? Sorry for not smsing me this entire week? Sorry for not being there for me or not showing enough care and concern for me?? Sorry for not spending enough time with me?? Sorry for not meeting me at all..?? Sorry for not having anything to say to me??? Sorry becoz you feel guilty for whatever you have said in Bintan?? Sorry that you finally decide you still prefer your ex in your life?? Sorry because you know you have hurt me?? Sorry because you feel funni around me, not knowing what to say and what is the status quo of this relationship?? Are we frenz, close frenz or what?? I can feel that funni feeling whenever u speak to me over the MSN or phone...? It is like U want to keep a distance between us and you dunno what to say to me... but yet you still want to be there for me to care about me as a frenz I know... u apologize when u are going for kopi with ur bro.. u apologize again when I am logging off yesterday to go to sleep... there is that period of awkard silence when u nv replied to whatever I have said... are u thinking or u dunno what to say??
why can't we go back to the past? I thought we are comfortable with each other then... I dun wan anything more.... I rather keep u as a frenz then lose a gd frenz like U.... that is why I say U dun need to say sorry to me.... I am alright...really....
why can't we go back to the past? I thought we are comfortable with each other then... I dun wan anything more.... I rather keep u as a frenz then lose a gd frenz like U.... that is why I say U dun need to say sorry to me.... I am alright...really....
Thursday, September 29, 2005
Ups & Downs in the seas of love
U ask me b4 why did i remove my blog away from Friendster... i told U i remove it because I am afraid ur ex will go and read my blog and know all about me and U... actually that is the secondary reason.. the primary reason is because I dun wan U to read it... U surely wun be that clever to read the histories of our MSN conversations to trace back the direct link to my blog page..U will most likely just log in to Friendster and see it from that... and in the first place I dun even know if u actually keep a log of all the histories... maybe U dun.. but just to play safe I dun wan U to read my blog... because I dun wan u to know how terrible and miserable I am feeling without U by my side...
I was smoking alone today... and I thought to myself.. actually I am alright being single.. I am alright being single before U came into my life and created some habits that I find so hard to quit... but at least I am now getting used to it... thanks to U for keeping a distance away from me.... the amount of sms have decreased significantly.. maybe due to the entire hectic week that U are having in camp... no calls at all... our chats on MSN only consisted of a few sentences greetings and goodbyez... I still dreamed abt U.. but I am sure that will also goes off with time.. maybe when I start my part time job with Delifrance.. I will just fall into a deep sleep once i hit my bed that I wun even dream about U at all... I still think about U alot... thoughts of U besides me... thoughts of U in Bintan.. thoughts of seeing U besides me when I wake up early in the morning... thoughts of all the things that U have said and done... still waiting for your calls and sms... I still have my hopes to see your name whenever my phone rings with an sms or a call and be disappointed when it is actually from someone else.... I still hope that within ur busy schedule, U might still have time to give me a short sms or call like before to ask if I have a nice day at work, have a proper lunch, have I reached home or not.. and ask me to take care of myself... But it is also during this time that I realise... how little and insignificant I know about ur life as compared to U knowing mine... I dunno if I shld sms u... shld I call u... would it be the right time? Will U be busy... will U be out with ur ex... wiill U be out with ur frenz.... I realise I haven't been part of ur life at all... in fact maybe I nv even enter into it before...
I was watching the drama serial Ups & Downs In The Sea Of Love.. u noe I love to watch that show... and U always allow me to go watch it... ppl who know me well would think that indeed I have changed a lot in my character and my life for U... more soft... more submissive.... maybe U shld be honoured becoz U have also achieve ur aim in taming me... haha.. dunno why.. but I always listen to U... whatever U say and whatever U asked me to do... but I know in the past U will always be there whenever I need U... always be there for me.. always be there to care abt me... always be there to take care of me..always there to support me... time will no longer be the same wun it?? we can nv go back to the past... as much as I would love too... but anyway in the show... the main lead WEICHEN like YAMA.. he always do... AH DIN like WEICHEM and she is willing to do anything for him.. just to be with him.. just to see him happy.... and she know that he loves YAMA and YAMA love him too.. and they will be happie together... when YAMA is going to marry another guy... he is so upset... but AH DIN is there to support him.. they decide they will always be best partners best of frenz..but when she get to know that he is trying ways and means to chase YAMA back.. she still feel hurt... U know... the struggle that goes through in AH DIN mind.. i can so deepyly feel it.. because it is the same thing that is going through my mind.. i know u wun be happy with me.. i noe u and ur ex still love each other... i noe u and ur ex will be much happier together.., and i want u to be happy... and therefore i am willling to let u go.... i encourage u to follow ur true feelings.. to chase her back if u really still like her alot... but underneath the strong appearance is a heart broken... a heart deeply hurt...i also want u by my side.. i also need ur support... i also need ur care and concern... but i am nv in ur eyes.. becoz the only person u see is her...
I was smoking alone today... and I thought to myself.. actually I am alright being single.. I am alright being single before U came into my life and created some habits that I find so hard to quit... but at least I am now getting used to it... thanks to U for keeping a distance away from me.... the amount of sms have decreased significantly.. maybe due to the entire hectic week that U are having in camp... no calls at all... our chats on MSN only consisted of a few sentences greetings and goodbyez... I still dreamed abt U.. but I am sure that will also goes off with time.. maybe when I start my part time job with Delifrance.. I will just fall into a deep sleep once i hit my bed that I wun even dream about U at all... I still think about U alot... thoughts of U besides me... thoughts of U in Bintan.. thoughts of seeing U besides me when I wake up early in the morning... thoughts of all the things that U have said and done... still waiting for your calls and sms... I still have my hopes to see your name whenever my phone rings with an sms or a call and be disappointed when it is actually from someone else.... I still hope that within ur busy schedule, U might still have time to give me a short sms or call like before to ask if I have a nice day at work, have a proper lunch, have I reached home or not.. and ask me to take care of myself... But it is also during this time that I realise... how little and insignificant I know about ur life as compared to U knowing mine... I dunno if I shld sms u... shld I call u... would it be the right time? Will U be busy... will U be out with ur ex... wiill U be out with ur frenz.... I realise I haven't been part of ur life at all... in fact maybe I nv even enter into it before...
I was watching the drama serial Ups & Downs In The Sea Of Love.. u noe I love to watch that show... and U always allow me to go watch it... ppl who know me well would think that indeed I have changed a lot in my character and my life for U... more soft... more submissive.... maybe U shld be honoured becoz U have also achieve ur aim in taming me... haha.. dunno why.. but I always listen to U... whatever U say and whatever U asked me to do... but I know in the past U will always be there whenever I need U... always be there for me.. always be there to care abt me... always be there to take care of me..always there to support me... time will no longer be the same wun it?? we can nv go back to the past... as much as I would love too... but anyway in the show... the main lead WEICHEN like YAMA.. he always do... AH DIN like WEICHEM and she is willing to do anything for him.. just to be with him.. just to see him happy.... and she know that he loves YAMA and YAMA love him too.. and they will be happie together... when YAMA is going to marry another guy... he is so upset... but AH DIN is there to support him.. they decide they will always be best partners best of frenz..but when she get to know that he is trying ways and means to chase YAMA back.. she still feel hurt... U know... the struggle that goes through in AH DIN mind.. i can so deepyly feel it.. because it is the same thing that is going through my mind.. i know u wun be happy with me.. i noe u and ur ex still love each other... i noe u and ur ex will be much happier together.., and i want u to be happy... and therefore i am willling to let u go.... i encourage u to follow ur true feelings.. to chase her back if u really still like her alot... but underneath the strong appearance is a heart broken... a heart deeply hurt...i also want u by my side.. i also need ur support... i also need ur care and concern... but i am nv in ur eyes.. becoz the only person u see is her...
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
a FRENZ inspiration
I saw a frenz's frenz blog today.. and it brings back memories, feelings and thoughts....she wrote that clinging to the past will nv help to progress into the future... letting go in a relationship doesn't mean that u love less, but instead, to have e compassion & loving-kindness to know when to let go. To not cause misery is love. Even if we make it till e end holding hands 2gether, e process itself is miserable, suffocating, pointless & tiring. We will end up hurting each other by clinging. At e end of everything, thr's no real winner-both r equally miserable.
U told me before U have already moved on, u urself told me that clinging on to the past U will never be able to progress into the future, U say that U will give her ur blessings if she finally found the right one for herself, U say U dun think of her that much anymore, U say U are happy.. U told me not to regret whatever decisions I have made in my life... I told U I nv did and I wun... and I hope U wun too.. and U say U wun turn back your head on the past... instead U would choose to concentrate on the future... the next thing I know U backed out on ur words... U said U nv moved on, U nv got used to life without her, U nv let go of the past relationship, U missed her... and U still want her back into your life... even though U still can't accept her choosing her job over U.... U are just too used to having her in ur life....
But I can't gurantee to U that holding hands with her for the rest of your life will be a misery for U... I know u will be much happier with her... I know both of U still like one another... I think the last part is for me.. i shouldn't cling on to u... becoz it will be tiring for both me and U...admit it as much as I dun want to.. we are not happy together... we will end up adding to each other's hurt and misery... no point... I know when to let go.. and trust me I am trying to....
U told me before U have already moved on, u urself told me that clinging on to the past U will never be able to progress into the future, U say that U will give her ur blessings if she finally found the right one for herself, U say U dun think of her that much anymore, U say U are happy.. U told me not to regret whatever decisions I have made in my life... I told U I nv did and I wun... and I hope U wun too.. and U say U wun turn back your head on the past... instead U would choose to concentrate on the future... the next thing I know U backed out on ur words... U said U nv moved on, U nv got used to life without her, U nv let go of the past relationship, U missed her... and U still want her back into your life... even though U still can't accept her choosing her job over U.... U are just too used to having her in ur life....
But I can't gurantee to U that holding hands with her for the rest of your life will be a misery for U... I know u will be much happier with her... I know both of U still like one another... I think the last part is for me.. i shouldn't cling on to u... becoz it will be tiring for both me and U...admit it as much as I dun want to.. we are not happy together... we will end up adding to each other's hurt and misery... no point... I know when to let go.. and trust me I am trying to....
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Stopping....
I am not going to update this blog anymore... the feelings are not true.. I am not as strong as I show myself...
Monday, September 19, 2005
Mood Analysis on 19.09.05 6.10pm
MOOD ANALYSIS TEST 19.09.05 6.10PM
You want to be regarded as an exiting and interesting personality able to persuade others to comply with your beliefs and ideas. You are charming and able to influence other people who come into your sphere of influence. You like mental stimulation and you are the sort of person who is prepared to 'try anything once'. Your confidence is so much so that others are often swept away by your enthusiasm.
You are in need of rest, some peace and quiet. You feel the need to be close to that someone special, that someone who can give you that special consideration and unquestioning affection that you seek. If you don't find that 'special someone' and resolve your problems very soon, you are liable to become extremely introverted and cut yourself off from society.
You are prepared to establish a particular relationship that is being made available to you at this time. It could be a satisfactory liaison but there could be a certain amount of conflict involved -try to avoid direct confrontation at all costs.
Recently everything seems to have gone wrong and so you are experiencing considerable stress and anxiety due to mental conflict. A continuous case of 'Should I?' or 'Shouldn't I?'. At this particular moment in time you feel as if you have reached the end of your tether and it seems impossible to ever rectify the situation and so you have decided, perhaps quite unrealistically, to postpone making any further decisions. Disappointment and unfulfilled hopes have given rise to despondency. This conflict between hope and necessity is creating considerable pressure. Instead of resolving this by facing up to making the essential decision, you are likely to immerse yourself in the pursuit of trivialities as an escape route.
Trying to cope with conditions which you think are beyond your capabilities has led to considerable anxiety and stress. You now feel that you are not capable of coping with this situation and indeed any situation which could arise from what you consider to be your personal inadequacy.
(http://www.colorgenics.com/sps/index.cfm)
You want to be regarded as an exiting and interesting personality able to persuade others to comply with your beliefs and ideas. You are charming and able to influence other people who come into your sphere of influence. You like mental stimulation and you are the sort of person who is prepared to 'try anything once'. Your confidence is so much so that others are often swept away by your enthusiasm.
You are in need of rest, some peace and quiet. You feel the need to be close to that someone special, that someone who can give you that special consideration and unquestioning affection that you seek. If you don't find that 'special someone' and resolve your problems very soon, you are liable to become extremely introverted and cut yourself off from society.
You are prepared to establish a particular relationship that is being made available to you at this time. It could be a satisfactory liaison but there could be a certain amount of conflict involved -try to avoid direct confrontation at all costs.
Recently everything seems to have gone wrong and so you are experiencing considerable stress and anxiety due to mental conflict. A continuous case of 'Should I?' or 'Shouldn't I?'. At this particular moment in time you feel as if you have reached the end of your tether and it seems impossible to ever rectify the situation and so you have decided, perhaps quite unrealistically, to postpone making any further decisions. Disappointment and unfulfilled hopes have given rise to despondency. This conflict between hope and necessity is creating considerable pressure. Instead of resolving this by facing up to making the essential decision, you are likely to immerse yourself in the pursuit of trivialities as an escape route.
Trying to cope with conditions which you think are beyond your capabilities has led to considerable anxiety and stress. You now feel that you are not capable of coping with this situation and indeed any situation which could arise from what you consider to be your personal inadequacy.
(http://www.colorgenics.com/sps/index.cfm)
TIME...
OH MY GOD... time is going so soooooo slowly today until it is killing me!!! Arghh.. this is my third blog of the day le.. and it is only 3.20pm.. can someone pls find something for me to do.... if not i am going to die of boredom and die of depression.. I dun want to think abt things....... and I dun need the extra time to think abt things...... argghhhh.... die la die la.. jialat le lo...
Somebody
Somebody (Depeche Mode)
I want somebody to share
Share the rest of my life
Share my innermost thoughts
Know my intimate details
Someone who'll stand by my side
And give me support
And in return
She'll get my support
She will listen to me
When I want to speak
About the world we live in
And life in general
Though my views may be wrong
They may even be perverted
She'll hear me out
And won't easily be converted
To my way of thinking
In fact she'll often disagree
But at the end of it all
She will understand me
I want somebody who cares
For me passionately
With every thought and
With every breath
Someone who'll help me see things
In a different light
All the things I detest
I will almost like
I don't want to be tied
To anyone's strings
I'm carefully trying to steer clear of
Those things
But when I'm asleep
I want somebody
Who will put their arms around me
And kiss me tenderly
Though things like this
Make me sick
In a case like this
I'll get away with it
I want somebody to share
Share the rest of my life
Share my innermost thoughts
Know my intimate details
Someone who'll stand by my side
And give me support
And in return
She'll get my support
She will listen to me
When I want to speak
About the world we live in
And life in general
Though my views may be wrong
They may even be perverted
She'll hear me out
And won't easily be converted
To my way of thinking
In fact she'll often disagree
But at the end of it all
She will understand me
I want somebody who cares
For me passionately
With every thought and
With every breath
Someone who'll help me see things
In a different light
All the things I detest
I will almost like
I don't want to be tied
To anyone's strings
I'm carefully trying to steer clear of
Those things
But when I'm asleep
I want somebody
Who will put their arms around me
And kiss me tenderly
Though things like this
Make me sick
In a case like this
I'll get away with it
Be loved or to love?
Is it really true that being loved by someone is better than having to love someone?? I promise myself before I will nv step into this topic again.... but Sat night when you ask me the question again, I try to force myself not to think about it... I was determined to stick to the conclusion that I have come out long time ago... but I failed again...
Sunday, September 18, 2005
I am alright....
Can someone pls tell me why do I have to be so stubborn... why do I have to be so strong... why do I have to be so independant... why can't I rely on others.. why can't I be soft... why can't I be fragile..?? Why do I always think in other ppl shoes but forget all about myself..?? why....??
I will be alright... I clearly know what I want and what I do not want.... I have achieved what I set out to achieve.... I dun like to force things.. i dun like chances and I dun like something that do not belong to me in the very first place.... I truly believe in true happiness... what is urs is urs.. what is not is not... everything is fated.... sometimes as much as you try to avoid... the one thing U wun be able to avoid is your true feelings... try not thinking about it... and it only accumulate and snowball even more... face it up and U will be able to move on better than before...
I have moved on and I am moving on fine.... Life is like that... u get detours sometimes.. but I have always be clear about what I wanted and follow my principles well enough... I have always be alright... I am a loner... I can be a loner... I can survive on my own... I can live on my own... this trip prove it even more... it proved everything that I wanted to prove... to myself and to others.... at least for one thing... everything is clear now... follow your true feelings and you will nv be wrong... I will do fine.....just need to refocus... and I will be able to continue my path in life just fine.....
I will be alright... I clearly know what I want and what I do not want.... I have achieved what I set out to achieve.... I dun like to force things.. i dun like chances and I dun like something that do not belong to me in the very first place.... I truly believe in true happiness... what is urs is urs.. what is not is not... everything is fated.... sometimes as much as you try to avoid... the one thing U wun be able to avoid is your true feelings... try not thinking about it... and it only accumulate and snowball even more... face it up and U will be able to move on better than before...
I have moved on and I am moving on fine.... Life is like that... u get detours sometimes.. but I have always be clear about what I wanted and follow my principles well enough... I have always be alright... I am a loner... I can be a loner... I can survive on my own... I can live on my own... this trip prove it even more... it proved everything that I wanted to prove... to myself and to others.... at least for one thing... everything is clear now... follow your true feelings and you will nv be wrong... I will do fine.....just need to refocus... and I will be able to continue my path in life just fine.....
Thursday, September 15, 2005
Seriously in a GRUMPY mood
I tell U why I am so grumpy early in the morning......
Yesterday night after a nice filling dinner at Swensens Marina Square plus a cafe mocha at Bistro Delifrance... I was tired.... I was nearly falling asleep while waiting for the cab at Suntec Convention Centre and on the cab..... my brain cells were all dead, my brain was not functioning properly, my mind was switched off into standby mode.. I was stoned bascially... there is nothing going through my mind.... just blank.... Ok so I figured out I am going to reach home.. have a nice shower and collapse onto my bed.... and GUESS WHAT.... I was tossing and turning on my bed till 3am in the morning.... ARGHHHH... it drives me crazy becoz over and over again I was trying to force myself to sleep.... Dun tell me it is because of the coffee... because Delifrance coffee really do have no impacts on me at all.... U know those nights when U really want to sleep becoz U are mentally and physcially tired but yet U can't becoz your mind and your brain is still in a semi conscious state.... I hate those nights..... and then finally around 3am in the wee hours of the morning.. I managed to force myself to sleep.. BUT i woke up at 7am in the morning... Oh MY GOD.. what is this world coming to?? When I need to wake up early in the mrning... I can't.. but when I dun need to wake up early in the mrning.. here am I at 10am in the mrning writing my blog complaining about how little sleep I have yesterday night.... I have black eye rings around my eyes I just notice it yesterday.....arghhhh... I am seriously in a very serious state of depression due to lack of sleep.. can someone please help to find me a doctor...?? I have to work late tonight.. i got a meeting that I am dreading in the afternoon.... and the last thing I need is to get a double shot expresso to prevent myself from stoning.... I most prob look like a zombie with toothpicks trying to push her eyes wide open.... I hate office politics... I hate meetings where different depts try to kill each other in the battle for survival... I hate meetings where different depts try to play "Tai JI" and shove the responsibilities to each other, blaming each other for what has happened... nothing will be solved at the meeting... just agruments after agruments.... and the next thing U know the same thing happen again.... and I thought the agenda for the meeting is to solve the problem and make sure that it will not happen again..... lousy agenda.... maybe I should call in MC becoz with this state of mind.. I will just most likely just take the stage and bark at every single one of them to f**king hell do ur own jobs properly and save the rest of the crap.... really sorry for the vulgarities.. hahahaha.... terrible eh.... I have a feeling I am going to smoke alot today... yah.. Thomas.. my smoking khaki.. I see U every one hour at the carpark eh... hahaha... then maybe this way we will be able to surive until 9pm tonight both U and Me... hahaha.. the pathetic two unlucky human beings...
Really wan to say sorry to my frenz yesterday.... I was so stoned I basically ignore his presence... I think I sometimes really do bore him alot.. because he will always stand or sit besides me and I will be lost in my own world of thoughts... hahahaha... so so sorry man... hehe... forgive me will U?? Hahha... anyway I hope you have fun at Zouk yesterday.. I will feel so guilty if U dun... becoz I might have just wasted a few days of ur blocked leave... hahahaa
Logged on to friendster and Oh My God.. they changed the profile again.... and it is looking even worse than the previous times.. hahaha.. who the hell give them comments to change it into this way... haiz... I think let me go lie on my bed and maybe I will be able to catch another half an hour of sleep... maybe........
Yesterday night after a nice filling dinner at Swensens Marina Square plus a cafe mocha at Bistro Delifrance... I was tired.... I was nearly falling asleep while waiting for the cab at Suntec Convention Centre and on the cab..... my brain cells were all dead, my brain was not functioning properly, my mind was switched off into standby mode.. I was stoned bascially... there is nothing going through my mind.... just blank.... Ok so I figured out I am going to reach home.. have a nice shower and collapse onto my bed.... and GUESS WHAT.... I was tossing and turning on my bed till 3am in the morning.... ARGHHHH... it drives me crazy becoz over and over again I was trying to force myself to sleep.... Dun tell me it is because of the coffee... because Delifrance coffee really do have no impacts on me at all.... U know those nights when U really want to sleep becoz U are mentally and physcially tired but yet U can't becoz your mind and your brain is still in a semi conscious state.... I hate those nights..... and then finally around 3am in the wee hours of the morning.. I managed to force myself to sleep.. BUT i woke up at 7am in the morning... Oh MY GOD.. what is this world coming to?? When I need to wake up early in the mrning... I can't.. but when I dun need to wake up early in the mrning.. here am I at 10am in the mrning writing my blog complaining about how little sleep I have yesterday night.... I have black eye rings around my eyes I just notice it yesterday.....arghhhh... I am seriously in a very serious state of depression due to lack of sleep.. can someone please help to find me a doctor...?? I have to work late tonight.. i got a meeting that I am dreading in the afternoon.... and the last thing I need is to get a double shot expresso to prevent myself from stoning.... I most prob look like a zombie with toothpicks trying to push her eyes wide open.... I hate office politics... I hate meetings where different depts try to kill each other in the battle for survival... I hate meetings where different depts try to play "Tai JI" and shove the responsibilities to each other, blaming each other for what has happened... nothing will be solved at the meeting... just agruments after agruments.... and the next thing U know the same thing happen again.... and I thought the agenda for the meeting is to solve the problem and make sure that it will not happen again..... lousy agenda.... maybe I should call in MC becoz with this state of mind.. I will just most likely just take the stage and bark at every single one of them to f**king hell do ur own jobs properly and save the rest of the crap.... really sorry for the vulgarities.. hahahaha.... terrible eh.... I have a feeling I am going to smoke alot today... yah.. Thomas.. my smoking khaki.. I see U every one hour at the carpark eh... hahaha... then maybe this way we will be able to surive until 9pm tonight both U and Me... hahaha.. the pathetic two unlucky human beings...
Really wan to say sorry to my frenz yesterday.... I was so stoned I basically ignore his presence... I think I sometimes really do bore him alot.. because he will always stand or sit besides me and I will be lost in my own world of thoughts... hahahaha... so so sorry man... hehe... forgive me will U?? Hahha... anyway I hope you have fun at Zouk yesterday.. I will feel so guilty if U dun... becoz I might have just wasted a few days of ur blocked leave... hahahaa
Logged on to friendster and Oh My God.. they changed the profile again.... and it is looking even worse than the previous times.. hahaha.. who the hell give them comments to change it into this way... haiz... I think let me go lie on my bed and maybe I will be able to catch another half an hour of sleep... maybe........
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
My Feelings.... on 13.09.05
I can't think of a title so let just make do with this simple one...
First of all... I would like to say CONGRATS TO MR LAWRENCE WEE ENG SIANG for taking over Suntec Bistro Delifrance.... haha... just received his sms to announce his takeover... hope with his management.... the store will be able to bring in more sales for the Delifrance management and no worries.. I will surely pop by to have a free coffee plus a chit chat someday... hahaha... for people who dunno him.. let me give you a formal introduction on who is him... Mr Lawrence was my previous store manager cum enemy... Haha.. when I first went into Bugis... we are at loggerheads everyday.. he can't stand me and the sight of me and neither can I... and he nearly make me quit Deli which I am glad he didn;t.. he was simply too biased towards me... But after months... after getting used to each other terrible habits.. we realise actually we can talk rubbish and crap like nobody business... hahaha... we used to do stock counts until late night and chat and eat Macdonalds while waiting for the report to print... Haha... and the next thing U know.. he got a transfer out to Raffles City and we realise actually we kinda of miss working with each other... Helped him to find something to study... helped him to do spring cleaning at RC.. (although I didn't really help much anyway).. and we actually become quite good frenz after that.. even after I left deli... hehe... I am happy for him anyway becoz Bistro has always been his aim... ever since the management announced the news... So Jiayou hor... hehe I am always available for dinner pickup.. hahaha..
Anyway... I was watching Stairways of Heaven.. I simply love Korean dramas.. but at the same time hate it becoz it makes me imagine too much.... imagine how nice if I can get a guy as nice, as sensitive, as charming, as romantic, as caring, as emotional as the main male lead in the show... although coming back to reality... I dun think there is ever a guy as good as the male lead in the show... it is all a fairy tale isn't it??? I remember my ex always try and bring me back to reality by trying me that such guys dun exists in the world.. but I choose to believe in it... I choose to embrace myself with the fact that maybe I will be able to find someone as good in my own way.. someone who will treat me well.. care for me... pamper me....protect me... is my expectations too high?? Are I really looking for something
very irrealistic..?? Maybe I shld really stop thinking so much... and be happy being single as advised by a frenz of mine.... whatever happens in the future so be it eh....sometimes i really think i think too much.. can I just get myself trapped on a island paradise and think my life away...??
I am doing well anyway... still in the same old pathetic job... as much as I want to leave I can't as usual knowing me... just waiting to get sacked by others but I seriously doubt they will do.. I will be the happiest person if they ever do sack me... I can go for a holiday.... This is me isn't it? The one person whose complaints you have been listening for so many years.... the person who usually put her heart and soul into her work.. and then complains about being mentally and physcially tired after everything.... and cried out loud.... but overall I bet I am doing fine...dun need to worry about me... and thanks for everything.....I am glad that U finally got a job in what U always want to be... it is a good chance for U...Jia You but dun tire urself out considering U seem to be doing many jobs at the same time.. Sincerely wish u all the best also... I think that is all I can do right??? If one day you found something that belong to your own part of happines... make sure u grab it kk? I will be happy for you....
First of all... I would like to say CONGRATS TO MR LAWRENCE WEE ENG SIANG for taking over Suntec Bistro Delifrance.... haha... just received his sms to announce his takeover... hope with his management.... the store will be able to bring in more sales for the Delifrance management and no worries.. I will surely pop by to have a free coffee plus a chit chat someday... hahaha... for people who dunno him.. let me give you a formal introduction on who is him... Mr Lawrence was my previous store manager cum enemy... Haha.. when I first went into Bugis... we are at loggerheads everyday.. he can't stand me and the sight of me and neither can I... and he nearly make me quit Deli which I am glad he didn;t.. he was simply too biased towards me... But after months... after getting used to each other terrible habits.. we realise actually we can talk rubbish and crap like nobody business... hahaha... we used to do stock counts until late night and chat and eat Macdonalds while waiting for the report to print... Haha... and the next thing U know.. he got a transfer out to Raffles City and we realise actually we kinda of miss working with each other... Helped him to find something to study... helped him to do spring cleaning at RC.. (although I didn't really help much anyway).. and we actually become quite good frenz after that.. even after I left deli... hehe... I am happy for him anyway becoz Bistro has always been his aim... ever since the management announced the news... So Jiayou hor... hehe I am always available for dinner pickup.. hahaha..
Anyway... I was watching Stairways of Heaven.. I simply love Korean dramas.. but at the same time hate it becoz it makes me imagine too much.... imagine how nice if I can get a guy as nice, as sensitive, as charming, as romantic, as caring, as emotional as the main male lead in the show... although coming back to reality... I dun think there is ever a guy as good as the male lead in the show... it is all a fairy tale isn't it??? I remember my ex always try and bring me back to reality by trying me that such guys dun exists in the world.. but I choose to believe in it... I choose to embrace myself with the fact that maybe I will be able to find someone as good in my own way.. someone who will treat me well.. care for me... pamper me....protect me... is my expectations too high?? Are I really looking for something
very irrealistic..?? Maybe I shld really stop thinking so much... and be happy being single as advised by a frenz of mine.... whatever happens in the future so be it eh....sometimes i really think i think too much.. can I just get myself trapped on a island paradise and think my life away...??
I am doing well anyway... still in the same old pathetic job... as much as I want to leave I can't as usual knowing me... just waiting to get sacked by others but I seriously doubt they will do.. I will be the happiest person if they ever do sack me... I can go for a holiday.... This is me isn't it? The one person whose complaints you have been listening for so many years.... the person who usually put her heart and soul into her work.. and then complains about being mentally and physcially tired after everything.... and cried out loud.... but overall I bet I am doing fine...dun need to worry about me... and thanks for everything.....I am glad that U finally got a job in what U always want to be... it is a good chance for U...Jia You but dun tire urself out considering U seem to be doing many jobs at the same time.. Sincerely wish u all the best also... I think that is all I can do right??? If one day you found something that belong to your own part of happines... make sure u grab it kk? I will be happy for you....
Thursday, September 08, 2005
Thinking of U as much as I dun wish to
Thinking of someone.....
I tried to stop myself...
I told myself I have no rights to interfere into your life... no rights to ask you to stop smoking... no rights to know if U are at home or at camp.. no rights to know if U have breakfast, lunch or dinner.. no rights to be jealous or ask who U are going out with... even more no rights to be irritated over U putting your ex photo onto your friendster... anyway.. why would I care?? I am not even your gerfrenz.. just your frenz... a frenz for comfort purposes...
At the same time, I told myself since I am just your frenz... I dun have to report to U about my whereabouts... why should I make the effort of reporting to u whether I wake up liao, I am in the office or not, have my dinner or not.. again U are just a frenz to me right? It has become a habit.... a habit that has been developed into me for no reason at all....I can't explain why.... I try to make ur appearance less significant in my life but habits are hard to changed.. even new developed habits..
We both make a pact that we both wun commit into a relationship.. we are both scared to fall into a second relationship.. we are both comfortable abt where we are now right?? I thought we came to an agreement on that not long ago?? Things should stay this way... right?? Maybe we are just trying to use each other to fill up the empty and vacant spot in each other life.... ... but still.... I am confused... why do I even think about U?? Why must we talk to each other every night before sleeping... U just ask me what would he think if I am forgoing a chance just becoz of U.... but in the first place.. aren't U supposed to have no place in my heart?? I am confused..... trying to look for a way out of the maze... are U equally confused like me or U are damn clear about this so called friendship or relationship with no committment?? Is it friendship or a relationship... or is it nowhere in between....
Whatever it is.. I think for one thing for sure... we both do not want to committ to another relationship... so just let things be
I tried to stop myself...
I told myself I have no rights to interfere into your life... no rights to ask you to stop smoking... no rights to know if U are at home or at camp.. no rights to know if U have breakfast, lunch or dinner.. no rights to be jealous or ask who U are going out with... even more no rights to be irritated over U putting your ex photo onto your friendster... anyway.. why would I care?? I am not even your gerfrenz.. just your frenz... a frenz for comfort purposes...
At the same time, I told myself since I am just your frenz... I dun have to report to U about my whereabouts... why should I make the effort of reporting to u whether I wake up liao, I am in the office or not, have my dinner or not.. again U are just a frenz to me right? It has become a habit.... a habit that has been developed into me for no reason at all....I can't explain why.... I try to make ur appearance less significant in my life but habits are hard to changed.. even new developed habits..
We both make a pact that we both wun commit into a relationship.. we are both scared to fall into a second relationship.. we are both comfortable abt where we are now right?? I thought we came to an agreement on that not long ago?? Things should stay this way... right?? Maybe we are just trying to use each other to fill up the empty and vacant spot in each other life.... ... but still.... I am confused... why do I even think about U?? Why must we talk to each other every night before sleeping... U just ask me what would he think if I am forgoing a chance just becoz of U.... but in the first place.. aren't U supposed to have no place in my heart?? I am confused..... trying to look for a way out of the maze... are U equally confused like me or U are damn clear about this so called friendship or relationship with no committment?? Is it friendship or a relationship... or is it nowhere in between....
Whatever it is.. I think for one thing for sure... we both do not want to committ to another relationship... so just let things be
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
Boring.....!!!
Aiyoh... I am now sitting in the office nothing to do...... no emails to check... no forms to fill up.... no data entries to update.... aiyah.... just waiting for 9.30pm to come and for exams to be over..... bored bored bored!!!!! When I am free... there is nothing to do... when I am not free... there is lots and lots of things to do.... hahaha... OMG how..??? Why is life always so confusing..?? Actually is not la.. I make it to be confusing and complicated eh.. heheh
Anyway things are going fine now.. as per normal... smoothly... I might be going for a holiday soon.. Can't wait for it... beach beach beach... hehehe... the sun & the sea...the sea breeze plus a nice chinese novel... and a nice tan at the end of the day.... a nice dinner... plus alcoholic drinks... woo hoo... what can be better than that... life enjoyment.. hahahahahaha.. I sound excited dun I?? Haha... wait until I digged into my pockets for the holiday expenses.. I bet I wun be that happie as now.. becoz I am rather broke actually....
Although there are still times when I will think about stuffs... when I will get moody and unhappy... those times are getting lesser and lesser now... I got my work, my frenz and my family.. i think that is enough for now... I am comfortable and happy with my current lifestyle... I believe I am changing... no idea why... but at least my thoughts and my feelings are more or less well controlled... hahahahaa... gd luck to me k?? Wish me all the best and hope I will find my ideal Prince Charming soon... hahaha
Anyway things are going fine now.. as per normal... smoothly... I might be going for a holiday soon.. Can't wait for it... beach beach beach... hehehe... the sun & the sea...the sea breeze plus a nice chinese novel... and a nice tan at the end of the day.... a nice dinner... plus alcoholic drinks... woo hoo... what can be better than that... life enjoyment.. hahahahahaha.. I sound excited dun I?? Haha... wait until I digged into my pockets for the holiday expenses.. I bet I wun be that happie as now.. becoz I am rather broke actually....
Although there are still times when I will think about stuffs... when I will get moody and unhappy... those times are getting lesser and lesser now... I got my work, my frenz and my family.. i think that is enough for now... I am comfortable and happy with my current lifestyle... I believe I am changing... no idea why... but at least my thoughts and my feelings are more or less well controlled... hahahahaa... gd luck to me k?? Wish me all the best and hope I will find my ideal Prince Charming soon... hahaha
Thursday, September 01, 2005
Admit it
Chris.. admit it.. it is going nowhere... I dun think it is or it will go anywhere.. why dun u just let it go and let things take its own course and go its own way rather than trying very hard to detour the normal course of things? It will make things even worse wun it?? The more U try the more u will fail.... what is urs will be urs... what is not... U can't force it to be.....maybe it is only wishful thinking on your part... how foolish can you be? from the very beginning U can't even get in touch with ur own feelings, how do u expect him to do the same thing? I bet he can't too.... do U really wan it just to fill in the vacant spot?? How selfish can U be?? U only think about urself but not about how others feel do u?? Give him a break.. ok?? I dun wan a relationship for the sake of a relationship... i want it becoz both parties truly like or love each other.. i dun wan to waste any more of both parties time... right?? Give it up.... U can nv fly... let go??
He seems to be the one I am looking for.. all his weaknesses to others seems like strengths to me.. he seems like a perfect gentleman to me.. all the plus points that I am looking for.. He make me laugh... he make me giggle.. I feel comfortable with him... seriously missing him.. missing the smell of his body besides me.. missing the smile.. the grin he have on his face... missing his warmth... I am just being silly pardon me.... I didn't know loneliness can really drive ppl over the edge crazy... hahahahaha...
He seems to be the one I am looking for.. all his weaknesses to others seems like strengths to me.. he seems like a perfect gentleman to me.. all the plus points that I am looking for.. He make me laugh... he make me giggle.. I feel comfortable with him... seriously missing him.. missing the smell of his body besides me.. missing the smile.. the grin he have on his face... missing his warmth... I am just being silly pardon me.... I didn't know loneliness can really drive ppl over the edge crazy... hahahahaha...
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