U ask me b4 why did i remove my blog away from Friendster... i told U i remove it because I am afraid ur ex will go and read my blog and know all about me and U... actually that is the secondary reason.. the primary reason is because I dun wan U to read it... U surely wun be that clever to read the histories of our MSN conversations to trace back the direct link to my blog page..U will most likely just log in to Friendster and see it from that... and in the first place I dun even know if u actually keep a log of all the histories... maybe U dun.. but just to play safe I dun wan U to read my blog... because I dun wan u to know how terrible and miserable I am feeling without U by my side...
I was smoking alone today... and I thought to myself.. actually I am alright being single.. I am alright being single before U came into my life and created some habits that I find so hard to quit... but at least I am now getting used to it... thanks to U for keeping a distance away from me.... the amount of sms have decreased significantly.. maybe due to the entire hectic week that U are having in camp... no calls at all... our chats on MSN only consisted of a few sentences greetings and goodbyez... I still dreamed abt U.. but I am sure that will also goes off with time.. maybe when I start my part time job with Delifrance.. I will just fall into a deep sleep once i hit my bed that I wun even dream about U at all... I still think about U alot... thoughts of U besides me... thoughts of U in Bintan.. thoughts of seeing U besides me when I wake up early in the morning... thoughts of all the things that U have said and done... still waiting for your calls and sms... I still have my hopes to see your name whenever my phone rings with an sms or a call and be disappointed when it is actually from someone else.... I still hope that within ur busy schedule, U might still have time to give me a short sms or call like before to ask if I have a nice day at work, have a proper lunch, have I reached home or not.. and ask me to take care of myself... But it is also during this time that I realise... how little and insignificant I know about ur life as compared to U knowing mine... I dunno if I shld sms u... shld I call u... would it be the right time? Will U be busy... will U be out with ur ex... wiill U be out with ur frenz.... I realise I haven't been part of ur life at all... in fact maybe I nv even enter into it before...
I was watching the drama serial Ups & Downs In The Sea Of Love.. u noe I love to watch that show... and U always allow me to go watch it... ppl who know me well would think that indeed I have changed a lot in my character and my life for U... more soft... more submissive.... maybe U shld be honoured becoz U have also achieve ur aim in taming me... haha.. dunno why.. but I always listen to U... whatever U say and whatever U asked me to do... but I know in the past U will always be there whenever I need U... always be there for me.. always be there to care abt me... always be there to take care of me..always there to support me... time will no longer be the same wun it?? we can nv go back to the past... as much as I would love too... but anyway in the show... the main lead WEICHEN like YAMA.. he always do... AH DIN like WEICHEM and she is willing to do anything for him.. just to be with him.. just to see him happy.... and she know that he loves YAMA and YAMA love him too.. and they will be happie together... when YAMA is going to marry another guy... he is so upset... but AH DIN is there to support him.. they decide they will always be best partners best of frenz..but when she get to know that he is trying ways and means to chase YAMA back.. she still feel hurt... U know... the struggle that goes through in AH DIN mind.. i can so deepyly feel it.. because it is the same thing that is going through my mind.. i know u wun be happy with me.. i noe u and ur ex still love each other... i noe u and ur ex will be much happier together.., and i want u to be happy... and therefore i am willling to let u go.... i encourage u to follow ur true feelings.. to chase her back if u really still like her alot... but underneath the strong appearance is a heart broken... a heart deeply hurt...i also want u by my side.. i also need ur support... i also need ur care and concern... but i am nv in ur eyes.. becoz the only person u see is her...
