Thoughts of U everywhere I go.. every min of my life.... the more I try to keep U out the more U come back into my life...
I went past the Ritz Carlton yesterday and I remember the story that U told me about.. the one night stay that U planned for her birthday... at that time I thought wow.. how romantic of U to do that for ur ex.. I also hope one day I will have the chance to enjoy that one moment of pampering like your one and only princess...(U used to call me princess.. will I still hear that from U now??)... but thoughts of U and ur ex being happy together flood back into my memories... how happy U will be....
Then we went past NYDC... where we had dinner once.. I went to watch the movie "Shen Hua" a movie which U promise U will watch with me.... but that will nv be fulfilled now... U promise U will celebrate my birthday for me this year.. will you still?? U asked me not to be silly.. U will nv forget me in ur life... U will also remember me... and U will surely celebrate my birthday for me.. will you stand by whatever U have said??? I seriously doubt so... while watching the movie.. during the part where they are fighting the war... I thought of U again... I asked you before a question what will u do if Singapore ever goes to war... and U told me so much abt what U will do...the funni thing is I cannot remember the safe combination between U and me but I can rememeber every single thing that U ever told me... surprise right??? U are also surprised that I still remember your entire schedule for the week even though U just told me once... but I would nv want Singapore to go to war because thoughts of U going into the battlefield simply scare me to the bones... considering how much U protect all your mens... I would think of so much U will be doing to stand by ur responsibilities in protecting them by all means...
I went to play badminton today... so much wanted U to come along... but I nv asked U and I believe U wun come too... anyway damn it.. I broke my toe nails.. damn it... it is bleeding even though I only noiced the blood when I got home 6 hours later.. toopidz right..?? It is not just those simple wounds... half of my toe skin is exposed... without the protection of the nail as the breakage just simple tore the whole nail off... damn it.. I have no idea what happen... anyway badminton was good... haha...
I was watching the news today and they showed one Cambodia kid with serious scoliosis problem. I used to hate my spine problem because it caused me so much in life... I am not able to do so many things that I wanted to do, I am not able to look pretty and beautiful like all other gers.... no curves no breast.. no nothing but a distorted body figure... (sometimes I think it is becoz of my external appearance that is why U didn;t choose me over ur EX... becoz U told me U like so much abt her style of dressing, her looks, her laughter, her smile, her company...) I was sad...U told me b4 U and her started off as a chance... then U ended up falling in love with her everything... as she slowly moved into ur life....I would understand why you prefer her company as compared to mine.. U two have so much things to talk abt...there is so much things for her to tell U... and U are willing to open up ur heart to her.. to tell her everything that is going through your mind.. that is something I will nv be able to do... u are nv willing to open up in front of me even if I asked... u will just wave it off with a word nothing... there are times when I feel that there are things u wanna to tell me or U are thinking abt that I would have to probe for b4 you are willing to tell me.... that is just what I am so sick and tired of... I nv understand U at all.... that why I said U are just too difficult to understand becoz U dun let me understand U..... I told U before I have nothing to offer except for my character and personality... and U said all U wanna is a simple gal... and U dun goes for looks.. rubbish.... but anyway.. I told myself before I will not be brought down becoz of my scoliosis problem.. there are far more ppl in a worse situation than me... who am I compared to what they have to suffer?? At least I get to behave like a normal person... and look like a normal person.. there are so many ppls out there who can't cover their disabilities and they live on with it... the person who truly love me is someone who do not goes for my external appearance (which is by the way something that nv last.. as humans grow old)... the person who truly love me loves me for who I really am... with or without the scoliosis problem... Thomas said to me.. too bad U make the wrong decision... becoz I am too good for U in every aspects... Thomas said I deserve better... Yah I think I deserve a guy who can accept me for who I am... because this is the only way a relationship will get to last eternally.....
It is a painful process to let U go.. but there are just so many reasons why U and me dun work.. I really dun see why I should cling on to something that I wun see a future in.. it is just like seeing a big hole in front of U.. and U still choose to jump right into it...in my case I have choosed to jump.. i thought maybe U and me will be able to work out... but U regretted ur decision and U didn't jump along with me... staying on the edge not even bothering to give me a helping hand... upon seeing U make up ur decision, there is nothing I can do but to continue my fall *sadz & disappointed*... luckily there is a branch in mid hill to break my fall.. now it just depends on how I am going to get back up again.... in this case will the final winner belong to the BRAIN or the HEART???
