mISS mISS mY dARLING

Haiz.. didn't get to meet up with my darling yesterday because I got to go home and be a good ger... have to help out in some household chores... then I didn't get to talk much with my darling also because I was quite tired and not feeling very well yesterday so most of the times I was trying very hard not to doze off.... then darling went out for supper with his parents and relatives who just arrived in SG from Indonesia so I went to bed early hoping to be able to catch more sleep in order to cure my "unknown" illness... frankly speaking I have no idea why am I so tired when first of all, I didn't do much this entire week at work, second of all, I am working 9 to 6pm sharp, third of all, I have 6 to 8 hours sleep everyday.. why am I still so tired... I think it is just breakdown of my body functions.. hahahaha...

I think my mum is too greedy... considering that the past 2 weeks I have been going home alot more for dinner.. she is still unpleased with it... humans are just so hard to satisfy... I told her today I meeting one of my best female buddies for dinner becoz I need to get the basic theory book from her in preparation of my basic theory test.. she asked me why I have been going out with her recently? Hello.. in the first place I only met up with her once on Mon after like ages.... haiz.. complicated human emotions.....

To my darling..
Our love might have commas but there will never be a full stop... you might have reservist to go to, I might have to be away from SG during the new year... we might not be able to meet up that often after you and I both start work.. but our love will still remain unchanged... and strong.. dun worry k?? Miss miss ya as always...

New Year Resolutions..

OK.. the new year 2006 is coming.. time to set some new year wishes... heheheheh.... usually half the times, it doesn't come true, second it doesn't work.. third I nv follow.. hahahaha.. but haiz let console myself.. at least I make the efforts to set some guidelines for myself in the new year. Hehe

1. Find a relaxing office admin job (5 working days from 8am to 5pm)
2. Get my driving license which includes passing my basic and advanced theory and my TP. As my frenz, you should be wishing me luck considering I am a idiot when it comes to cars!! Haha
3. Go for a holiday in Korea, Nepal, Bintan or Australia. Me and my dear planning to go Ausssie in mid 2006 becoz just in time to see my frenz's baby arriving into this complicated world.. hehehe
4. Drink & smoke lesser. This resolution goes for U too darling... No more merlioning and no more talking rubbish and no more crab walking catwalk...
5. Get a start on my Sport and Wellness Diploma program.
6. A new wardrode for me and darling too.
7. Get married??? A well planned wedding?? We will see... hahaha
8. More freedom.. thinking of moving out... hmmmmm
9. World Peace!!! No more terriost attacks, no more natural disasters... no more deaths by the thousands and millions...
10. More money for shopping.. haahahaha...

This list will keep on going longer as we count down to New Year.. hehehe

Christmas...

I think I got short term memory problem.. wanna to come up and summarize my Christmas weekend.. but I kinda of forgetten most of it.. hahahaha.... terrible right??

23th December 2005
Went back to work... then off work around 6pm.. got to go home for dinner and be a good ger.. as usual darling came and fetch me off work.. hehehe

24th December 2005
In the mrning, stay at home for breakfast and lunch... then my darling came and fetch me... then we went to his house for a chit chat... while we confirm our next destination.... then around 6+ as we are not driving.. we meet up with Alex and ah Ger at WDL mrt control station... then go Yishun meet JX and Maggie... then go shopping for a while then we went to Chong Pang for dinner... hehehehe... then we went to Ginza!!!!! at around 8pm... then we started drinking.. order one Chivas Regal and one jug of beer... damn it.. dear drank quite a lot with Derick and guys... even before 12am... I taught Ger how to play bluff... then in the end she drank quite alot too.. worried abt her.. hahahaha... asked Alex to guard her just in case... then the merry christmas song start playing around 11.45pm.. then we already havoc in the Christmas mood le... hehehehe.. spray confetti and snow like crazy.... I kana sprayed like crazy.. luckily dear dear hugged me and protected me from everyone else.. in the end he himself become the snowman.. hahahaha... poor thing... then one of dear dear frenz got into a fight.. then he and JX became very busy trying to settle the things... then after that I got a bit dizzy becoz I drank Martell straight from the bottle.. so when dear finished settling the things.. although i am still conscious.. i dun dare to drink anymore martell liao.. scared i Merlion.. hehehe.. sad case.. hahahaha...then in the end me and darling we went back first... and we sat at the staircase chatting... and he walked home and i called him and we chatted all the way till 4+ in the mrning... nice heart to heart talk.. hehehe

25th December 2005
What did I do.. oh yah I think I slept quite late until 1+ in the afternoon.. woke up helped mum to cook noodles soup for lunch and curry chicken for dinner.. then after dinner.. me and dear went to Yishun dam..went for a walk around the dam... then we met up with Litque, Peiling, Ah Xiong and Jinlong and we had a chat about bikes, cars, insurance... everything under the sun.. hehehe

26th December 2005
Met up with Sui Hui and Xiang Ling for lunch at 1pm at Sakae Sushi.. chatted like nobody business... as usual.. 3 gers come together become a market.. hehehehe.. then we went shopping... window shopping.. then dear dear come and fetch me..... went looking for my basic theory book... but the queue super long so nv buy in the end.. then we went home... and watch TV.. wanna to meet with Ah Gong and Alex for dinner... but in the end when we realise that they wanna meet up too late liao.. hehehe.. we ta bao dinner and went home again.. another day over...

But after all final conclusion.. it is a nice Christmas.. hehehe.. tomolo got to go back to work after one week of long holiday... haiz.. sad case.. i dun wan...

Continuation...

Superb angry... all after I opened my company's emails.... spoilt my beautiful day today and spoilt my beautiful week... I dread going to work... and I dragged my feets to work.. so sorry to say.. and I got my darling superb pissed off also to see me get so stressed, irritated, frustered and angry over work... frankly speaking I have no idea why I worked until so late everytime... I think I deserve my break.. I deserve my Sat and my Sun and I deserve my public holidays and since the company is too poor to give me OT pay.. I think I deserve to go back home at 6 considering I went into office around 8am in the morning... but no.. for the past 3 weeks before I went on leave.... I am working from 8am in the morning to 8pm - 10pm at night...that is like more than 12 hours at work.... I am superb tired after 3 weeks.. really... I should put on a strike or something for inhuman practices in the company since the mgrs get to relax and yet the executives slogged their way through hell considering that the mgrs get a higher pay.. and a nicer position... and since I already quitted I have no idea why i still get so much shit... now I know why the employees who is leaving the company all threw their stuffs and goes.. I thought of doing a proper handover in the beginning too but at the rate.. hack la.. I am counting down to 9 days..

Me and my dear just drove all the way from WDL to Changi Village just to eat Subway.. hehe.. we had a craving for it for ages.. finally managed to get our hands on it today.. hehehe... so happy and satisfied... oh oh did I say I brought a wallet for my dear today as a Christmas present.. hehe I am proud of that wallet.. took a long time to choose it... and i think it is really nice and suitable for my darling... hehehehe...

To my darling...
Love ya so much.... I am glad we had a nice heart to heart talk today... hehehe.. I am glad that you are willing to open up ur heart and share with me stuffs that I am curious to find out and know but nv really wanna to ask... not that I am trying to dig into your past or whether your past matters or not to me.. but I just wanna to know becoz I wanna to be able to play a part in it too... But I am glad that we can be so truthful to each other... without being afraid of saying anything that will hurt each other feelings.. it is so blissful to have you by my side, to be in your arms always.... to have you as my protective shelter from my surroundings... Love ya...

At my darling's place...

Now at my darling's place... hehehe.. waiting for him to shower so we can go out for some nice dinner..i think we are driving out to get subway.. hehehe.. they better not tell us they are out of bread this time... so hungry...actually not hungry... just mouth itchy.. wanna eat alot of things.. as usual.. my fickle minded weakness start to show... steamboat... bbq... stingray... subway... nasi bryani..korean food... thai food...japanese ramen with extra chilli powder... curry fish head.. herbal chicken... pig trotter in vinger...chilli crabby!!! hahaha... hmm.. suddenly feel like eating anything that is hot... just went for tom yum soup and pineapple rice in the afternoon.. superb nice sia the tom yam soup.. hehehe...

On leave for coming to one week le.. hehehe.. enjoyable sia... rot and "nua" the entire week starting from Sat until now... 6 days of "nuaing" hahaha... everyday stick with my darling.. yesterday we went Orchard to look at the Christmas lights... and at the same time look for some Christmas presents for my collegues in the office... in the end we walked from 12noon to 10pm... legs so painful.. but still happy... hehehe... tell u a secret... this is the first time we went to Orchard Road after me and my darling be together for more than 2 mths.. can u believe it? We have been together so long but yet we never go Orchard Road before.. I have no idea what have we been doing for the past 2 months... hehehe... anyway yesterday my darling brought me an EYORE soft toy.. hehehehe... and today I brought him a wallet.. hahaha.. EYORE.. my favourite... hehehe.. then we brought 3 photo frames for my collegues.. I like them all... haiz.. can I also get them for myself... hehehe..

oOk Ok my darling is waiting for me to go out for dinner le ... i continue this update tonight ba... update U guys on what happen during my 6 days of "nuaing".. sad le.. got to go back to work tomolo... for one day.. then all the way "nua" until 26th.. hahahaha... yippess...

Hungry...

HmMmMmM... I suddenly have a very strong craving for steamboat... brought me back to the times in OZ where in winter times we love to cook steamboat for dinner.. becoz first of all it is easy to cook.. just pour the stock into the rice cooker, switch it on and everyone help themselves. hahaha.. second.. when u are having something hot in the cold weather... wooah.... always love steamboat since then.. hehehehehehe... but too bad I am a person with super no life because even though today is a Sun.. I am stuck in office conducting examinations.... sad case man...

But anyway this is the last examination term that I will be running... went to take a walk around the campus just now because my office is super freezing cold... suddenly got hit by those sad feelings of not bearing to leave this company... I mean yah there are some fucked up people and fucked up rules and regulations in this shit company but I have also met up with some nice people like my collegues... and afterall I'll been working in this company for so long.. at the beginning I just wanna to get a job which I can bury myself in work 24/7 so as to numb myself from the surroundings.. now that I am leaving.... I think I am going to seriously miss this place and some of the nice collegues that I have met.... going to miss running around for examinations... going to miss doing invilgilation.. hahaha...

Haiz.... I am falling asleep... quite tired after a long day yesterday... woke up at 7am because I am meeting my dear for breakfast... then work in the afternoon due to an examination, then worked straight to 9pm at night after which my dear picked me up from work and we went to Ginza to meet up a couple of frenz.... shocked and surprised to see a frenz of me and Leon there too.. hahah.. I think everyone must be thinking why Christina have so much frenz in Ginza.. hahahaha... anyway I didn't drink much yesterday.. just enough to quench my thrist... one glass of Chivas Regal with green tea (My cup has more green tea than Chivas.. dunno who mix it for me..) hahaha.. but anyway it was nice... then one glass of beer.. that's it... hahahahahaa... end of the day Cindrella went home to report to her cruel step-mother... hahaha... ok.. back to work...

scary thoughts...

Isn't it scary when one day U can say that U love this person forever and the next day U realise U no longer love him as much as U thought u do..

Isn't it scary when one day U realise that U dun really wanna to spend the rest of ur life with the guy U always thought U wanted to spend the rest of ur life with ?

Isn't it scary when one day U realise U can live on pretty fine alone without the someone U thought U can nv live without?

Isn't it scary when U realise that U have nothing to speak to the someone who U used to spend hours chatting on the phone with?

Isn't it scary if U realise one day that the person who is supposed to understand U the most actually do not even understand U at all..?

Today I thought back about my past relationships.. does anyone realise that big impact and phobia that I have with regards to BGR relationships after all that have happen?? I dun wish to lie to myself that I do not have any fears with regards to a BGR relationship... after all a 6 yrs relationship can vanish into thin air... what else cannot happen?? Until now I am still asking myself the question to what happen and when did that happen and why did that happen.. I wanted so much to find out the root of the problem so I can learn from it and not make the same mistake again.. like what my dear say.. we need to learn from experience so as to make sure that we dun repeat the same mistake again.. if not the same cycle will happen again and again.. that is what I am so scared of right now... suddenly words dun seem to make any more sense.. the word I LOVE U dun contain any particular meaning anymore... I have lost my trust... I have once again put up my defences to guard against my feelings... in order not to get hurt...

I have always been truthful to myself even though most of the times my thoughts are rather negatve,.. but hey that is me... I think about the good and the bad... and I concentrate more on the negative side of things becoz I rather get myself prepared for the worst consequences... and not get a shock when it really happen.. that is my way of getting myself prepared for the worst.. I convince myself that it might really happen... if it doesn't all the good for me.. if it really happen.. well at least I anticipate the worst.. I alays strongly believe in communication and honesty... in a relationship both parties should be able to communicate their true feelings and thoughts to one another.. be it good or bad, positive or negative... therefore I am able to communicate my feelings and thoughts so well.. I dare to express myself... becoz I am being true... I dun hide anything becoz I dun see any point of doing so... in the first place I should't be writing a blog then... Yes sometimes being humans we do think too much... and when you say it out.. it might lead to unnecessary confusion and thoughts..and thoughts snowball.. it might hurt the relationship even... but if U are not going to say it out...then the relationship dun even have the foundation of honesty.. and comunication... how long can the relationship last when the foundations are not even being laid properly from the beginning.

I am a simple gal who just want simple things in life.. I dun need condos, cars and credit cards.. all I want is just a nice family, a proper family life, a good career, having the chance to go travel every year... simple things in life.. no luxury expected... although once in the while we do like to pamper ourselves... with spas, massages etc..

25 days to Christmas

Today is the 6th December. roughly about 25 days to count down to year 2006. Eventful year for me I suppose... make a couple of big and shocking changes in 2005... I changed a job and I changed a bf...

But with the beginning of year 2006, I will start off with another change in job.. seriously going to miss my collegues but I just can't stand that school anymore.. the students get on my nerves, the school gives me bad nightmares and sleepless nights and it manage to worsen my already seriously bad temper... I feel so apologetic to my collegues (I think they might be glad that I am leaving that place in fact because they has less one grumpy and angry person to spoil every single one of their day).. really I feel damn apologetic to my collegues whenever I scream and bark at them for something that is not really their fault.. haiz.. what the hell has make me become such a bad person like this.... I noe it is pathetic wrong... I know I am wrong to do so... but haiz sometimes when u haven't had enough sleep and you haven't got a chance to eat ur breakfast, lunch and dinner, and you are working from morning until night, you just reach your limitations that you erupt like a super volcano.. uncontrollable, unpreventable.. hahaha... really.... I hope leaving that place do me some good...

I think it is partly due to my perfectionist attitude... too much of it makes a person crazy.. i went into that school thinking that I can try and reeduce the mistakes and error rate by reducing my own mistakes.. I thought as long as I reduce the mistakes significantly on my side, things will turn better... but I guess I am just seriously wrong.. even though you try very hard not to crop up things, ppl will still do you a favor of cropping up things for you... and in the end you just think that it is your responsibility to solve the problems and correct the mistakes because you wanted so much to reduce the error rates on your side and in the end you end up taking whatever shit that come along your way... I take it upon myself for some of the mistakes committed even though it is not entirely my fault in the first place. YOu start to go like "oh maybe if I check earlier before, this mistake could have been avoided". I wanted so much for things to go perfectly but apparently that is seldom the case... sad case.... in fact nothing in that school does... as much as I tried not too....

I met a frenz of mine from USQ Toowoomba Australia.. surprised to hear him say that he will be coming into my school to work.. shld have call me beforehand and I would have seriously advise him against that decision of signing upon that appointment letter... what to do.. and OMG.. he also changed his gf... bye to his gf for 8 yrs... I am shocked.. throughly shocked.. hahaha... but things comes and go.. what is yours will be your eventually.. what is not will nv be... so let fate and destiny control my life....

But I simply can't wait to leave that pathetic school.. counting down from today... the day I leave... i might become the happiest woman on earth when you know all the burdens and responsibilities have been lifted off your shoulders.. i am just someone who dunno how to play tai ji and act toopidz...

Liking my blog now

Hehe..just change the concept of my blog, the skin and the song... I like my blog now... even though the pic can be made a little bit bigger... but anyway it is fine this way... hehehe.. and I really like the song... hahaha... the precious one "Journey" is not too bad too.. but this song is nice too.. fickle minded.. like every single thing.. hahaha... I stole this song from my darling's blog.. hahahah.. copycat... hehehe

Anyway it is raining now... justsuddenly thought of coming up and saying how sweet I feel now.. hehehehe... I know I am the envy of many frenz around me.. hahaha... sorrie guys to make u all so jealous always... but I am a ger sweetly in love... pampered and loved by my precious darling... I think we treasure each other alot...

Feeling Lonely...

Just saw my dear sms that he will be going down to Blk 19 to drink with Ah Gong and Alex... then gave him a call and he is already at the coffeeshop drinking... not sad that he is drinking though although in fact being down with a terrible stomachache and on medication, he shouldn't drink at all... just suddenly felt that pinch of loneliness suddenly... I have no idea why... I mean ever since we started this relationship other than those days when I am in Korea, we haven't been really apart from one another... in fact we met up everyday.. even though it might be for a short period of time when he just come and fetch me home from work... but still we spend everyday together... actually I am not supposed to be meeting him today but in the end he still come and fetch me off work.. But I just felt sad that I cannot accompany him to Blk 19 to drink... maybe not drink but just being besides him is enough... then I cannot talk to him also.. time spent with him is always not enough.. so bad until we dun even dare to let ourselves fall asleep at night scaring that the night will just flew past and mrning will come within the next min...

I think I have become too dependant on him in my life... which is good.. because I nv wanna to be that independant anyway.. and my darling said the more dependant I am on him the better... hahaha.. good enough... we go out together always.. including gatherings with frenz... everything.. nothing is missed without each other by the side other than when I go out with my family and at work... hahaha.. can't help it really... when we are not together I missed all the moments when we are together... sad case....

A quick update for my birthday.. hehehe...
on the 19th me and dear we went to Wenliang's wedding at Sun Plaza.. so sweet to see him and Tammy together married as a couple.. hehe.. too bad I have to attend my school graduation.. if not I would have joined the guys in the morning session.. hahha.. anyway I rushed down in a cab after my graduation ceremony and luckily I managed to reach there in time before the dinner starts... met up with JX, Ah Xiong, Wenlin, Maggie, Peiling, Litque, Ah B, LiYan, YingYao, Jinlong, Weijie.. oh my god the list is nv ending becoz we have 3 full tables to our entire gang.. hahaha... then the next thing U know Wenlin and Junxian start drinking with Derrick's table... wah.. Martell, Bacardi 151... (70+% alcohol level for your info... do U know how serious that bottle of hard liquer can be.. ppl are crazy I tell you.. they drink it nik somemore... crazy fellows..).. me and my dear we sat quietly by the side.. pretending to be in our own world hoping that noone will ask us to drink.. hahaha... I pretended to be super busy talking to Maggie... which in fact I am busy talking to Maggie really.. ehhe Dear pretended to be busy accompanying me, taking photos even though he is not the appointed main photographer, smoking and going out to take additional Martell from the car and going to the toilet.. hahaha.. then the night went past and Wenlin starts to get a bit rowdy... Junxian and Chris face become super red.... but they insist they are not drunk.. after drinking like one full glass of Martell and Baracardi 151 nik.. no ice at all.. anyway I shall give both of them the benefit of the doubt.. hahaha... then later when the wedding is over, dear is the driver for the wedding car and he very much wanted to drive me to WenLiang house together in the Mercedes.. hahaha.. but too bad there wasn't any chances and he got quite a bit disappointed and pissed abt it.. hahaha.. relax dear.. I am alright.. in the end all thanks to Litque who drove me to Wenliang house to meet up with my dear.. along the way me, Peiling and Liyan was talking non stop.. and dear told me Ah B commented the next day that 3 of us together become the United Nations.. hahaha... talk non stop... hahaha.. anyway after that Litque dropped me and dear off at his blk and we went back home... then his auntie dragged me out of bed and the room to sit in the living room to chit chat and watched a toopidz show which make no logic on TV.. hahaha... then we slept.. yah I was too tired.. I remember I forced himm to sang me a birthday song.. hahaha.. But i did mention that I am very fortunate... hehe

then the next mrning came.. we were still sticking to one another when I am supposed to be making my way home becoz mum wanna to go to IMM.. in the end went home, shower, went out to IMM for dinner then came back home.. that was it.. that is my birthday for this year.. i told my dear I dun need any birthday present but yet he went back to get a bear for me.. hehe.. so sweet of him.. then I went back office the next day and there was tons of presents on my office table.. a bouquet of flowers, sweets, a bottle of wishing star.. thanks to my collegues eh... Sharifah I know you will be reading this sometimes.. hahaa

Blew it baby.

Ok I just blew it baby... just blew everything........ blew the perfect relationship by making things complicated, by saying the wrong things, by doing the wrong things... am I too late for regrets... I bet so.... but I so regretted telling my dear stuffs that I shouldn't have.. maybe by keeping to myself things will forever remain perfect in our relationship... there wun be any scars and there wun be any complications........I know you simply hate hearing his name... and anything that got to do with him and my past.. but but I wanna to be truthful.... I dun wan to hide anything from my dear....... I promise him I will tell him everything.... I promise him we will work things out together...... I promise him I will be truthful.... but maybe I shouldn't have say it for the sake of the relationship and for the sake of my dear's feelings......... why didn't I learn my mistakes from the past.... I simply hate myself to this point of time...

Maybe we just care too much about each other... like what my dear say maybe we are too serious about each other....

To my dear...
Dear I love ya... U know it deep within your heart.... nothing will affect my true love for you.... nothing at all.... so you dun have to think or worry too much really.... I know there will be a scar in your heart with regards to what we spoke about yesterday but that is not the problem... nothing is a problem as long as me and you we are willing to work things out... I am so sorry I spoilt the perfect relationship in your mind and make things complicated...I know things have been going sweetly until now....until I brought up the issues... I didn't meant to.. please forgive me for my ignorance and recklessness....

Happenings..

Ok I haven't update my blog for a very long time... short summary then I am going to sleep le.. so late.. tomolo still got meeting cum presentation plus a fire drill.... in which I have to evacuate the entire building.. hahaha.. ask them to fook off liao... I shall be the first to evacuate myself.. hahahaha.... humans are selfish...

Been rather busy recently.. been through some ups and downs over the week due to work... as usual... being the responsible me.. usually is the work till u die type in which ppl always like to exploit and bully...

Took one day leave on Wed 9th November becoz it is my darling's birthday.. hehehe... spent half of the day lazing around in bed... bcoz we are both very tired.. and we can't just get enough of cuddling and hugging each other.. hahhahaha... but the remaining half of the day was spoilt after receiving a call from work becoz I can't get quite get my mind off work after that.. then went to GINZA with JX, Leon, Shi An and dear dear to get some drinks.. and meet some ladies Maggie & Ash.. hehehehe... things didn't went really well there as usual.. and i was practically waiting for my HP to ring the entire night... which it didn't but I got into a big fight with my mum becoz Cindrella didn't manage to reach home before 12 midnight.. damn it...

Then over the last weekend, dear dear had a chalet at Downtown East to celebrate his birthday.. and he got drunk... and he spoke tons of rubbish... hahahaha... first time I see him drunk... although I have seen Leon and Shi An drunk too many times.. seeing my dear drunk was a totally different case.. in the end.. he went to sleep without his own knowledge abt 10+ and I stayed up until 5am in the morning drinking with his frenz... WenLIn, Ah Xiong, Jinlong and JX.. Huiqi and Ying Yao + Chris dropped by later in the night.. very late in fact when everyone has already pi in bed.. hahaha.. Jim Bean, Volka, Jack Daniel, Beer... woo hoo.. hahaha it is back to the OZ days.. hahaha... but we all had fun.. hehehe... too bad Leon didn't manage to come... the next day his uncle and whole family came down to BBQ then i got to make my way home.. sianz...

Ok till here... I think I got to go back and chit chat + entertain 3 gay guys...hahaha... take care...

Feelings...

Sometimes feelings are just hard to control....

My mum thinks I fall too easily in love.... any guys who treat me well enough.. I will fall in love with him... I have to agree.. it is way too easy to fall in love with someone.. but there might be a possibility that U will get hurt in the end when U realise that that love is just a one sided viewpoint in a two sided relationship.. like what people always say.. it is hurtful to fall in love with someone who dun love you.... it is of course nice to find someone who love you, who is willing to give up everything for you... but however U wun be able to appreciate and accept that love.. becoz if you have no feelings for that person... you have no chemistry... it will just be a gift if both of U goes into a relationship with one party loving another with all his/her heart but one party simply meaning thank you for loving me.... Eternal love comes from true love... both parties love each other on the same level... they share the same thoughts, same sentiments, same ideals, same goals.. as one entity.. not two seperate entities...

Everyone must be thinking "wah Christina just fall out of love, out of a long term relationship which she once thought as eternal love and now she is happily in love again"... but like I just said... feelings sometimes are just hard to say and hard to control... I know I haven't know my dear for a very long time... we are not one of those frenz like leon in which we know each other for like 8 yrs and then we get together... surprise to say we barely know each other for like a week... hahahaha... but from the very first time we met up and talked heart to heart at the jetty.. we both know we are the one for each other... we both know the feelings between us will lead to something different in the future... we both know there is something special between us... surely not looks attraction becoz we both dun loook very handsome and pretty anyway... but it is just that different feeling..... hard to describe and hard to say... but we fell hopelessly in love... identifying each other to be the one whom we wan to share a future with... and you know sometimes we dun even have to talk but I know he know we both know we share the same thoughts, the same feelings... it is like our hearts and our minds seems to be as one... I dun have to repeat many times that I love him to tell him how much I truly love him from the bottom of my heart.. I know he know I really love him alot... that love dun have to be expressed to be make known... becoz that strong love... I have no idea how to put it into words... and I dun need him to repeat himself umpteen times a day how much he love me.. becoz I also know he truly love me too... every single min of the day I know he know we truly missed each other and we are both truly looking forward to the time we see and meet each other.... I know he know we both wan to spend every single min of the day with each other... sometimes i think it is just so blissful to have him by my side.. and he thinks the same way too... to have him to share every single min of my life...

In the past I have no idea what my other party is thinking... I have to guess I have to ask I have to probe... I have unconfirmed doubts.... but it is just so different with him.... even our uncertainty about each other are the same... we are both unsure if this is just one of God tricks on us and will our relationship ever last... that feeling will always exist in our relationship but hey that exists in every relationship.... even after couples get married.... we dun have to make our feelings known to each other becoz we know we both share the same thoughts and we both know each other will understand what we are truly thinking... we are as one....

Therefore I say yah I know i fall too easily in love but when the feeling is there.. sometimes chances are for you to take before it become an opportunity.. before it become reality... if you dun catch the chance when it is there for you.. you nv know what you are missing for life... I am glad he come into my life and I am just glad I follow my feelings and make it into reality... even though it might seem a bit reckless... even though I might get myself hurt and upset in the end... at least I took my bet and wun ever regret it in the future...

Shocking Decision

Roughly half a year ago, I made a shocking decision that shocked & surprised many around me... My family such as my aunties & uncles, my cousins and my grandparents especially my grandmother, my friends especially those from UNI, my poly classmates... and some other frenz from outside... some close frenz saw it coming... they predicted and expected it.. therefore when I made the final decision, they saw it as a relief... hahahaa... there are always two extremes to things isn't it??

Everyone thought I will be the first one to get married, in fact everyone thought I will be getting married soon.. they are just all waiting for the wedding invitation.. everyone thought we are the perfect couple... surprise surprise... it turns up to be directly opposite.. how bad can I be in the eyes of many for making that shocking and hurting decision right?? But love is not that simple... after all...

This month... I bet I make another shocking decision... when frenz saw new photos appearing on my Friendster profile of me and my new bf... I think some frenz took it really hard... I can't blame them for it... I really can't.. I know exactly what they are thinking... given me their position.. I might have think the same way too.. infact I might even get quite irritated over it... so I can't blame them for whatever they choose to think....

me and my dear we have a nice talk at the jetty yesterday.. I am so glad we share the same sentiments on things... I am just so glad that he is able to understand me so well... and give me his full support and trust in whatever i do... I really hope this time i make the right decison....

Hot!

OMG... the weather is so hot... simply cannot take it... give me back Korea weather anytime sia... hehe.. received a call from my sugar daddy in Korea just now... he is so sweet.. called and asked me how am I back in SG.. and I was complaining to him about the huge loads of work that I got to clear and the weather... hehehehe.. and he was there nagging me abt not drinking too much.. not going out late.. not playing too hard and I was there nagging him on his hot temper and warning him not to create another fight on the streets again in front of his tour group.. hehehe.. U have no idea what he did in front of my tour group... hahahaha... anyway.. he is a nice guy... typical egolistic macho Korean guy thinking... heheee

Went to Kusu Island yesterday with my dear dear to pray pray.. so nice... so sweet... it is good to take a break away from Singapore... and it is so nice to be able to see him again after being away from him for 8 days... hehehehe. then we came back to Blk 19 to have dinner with Jesper, Alex and Yeeling becoz Yeeling is flying off to HK today... I hoope she have a nice trip... rather worried about this ah ger of mine.... but I believe her teachers will take gd care of her... hehehehe.... then went back to Dear's place to catch some slp.. in the end I didn't get to sleep alot also.. hahahahaha... just too afraid to close my eyes... and lost the moments with him.... it is just like u wake up the next mrning and the night just flew past without your knowledge... how I wish I can spend every night with him... hehehehe... love him sooooo much.. then went back to the office today and realised bloody server is down in my lousy school so I can't do anything that I am supposed to do.. so ended up at Bugis with Junxian, Wen Lin and My dear... heheh.. we shopped around a little and then took a bus home... both of us were so stoned and tired.... hehehehehe... haiz.. sad case that I will be working terribly hard this entire week and can't spend much time with him... sob sob..

Moving on...

I am flying off to Korea today... sob sob... I can't bear to leave my darling luvy behind in SG.. how I wish he can come with me.. we will have so much fun together picking maple leaves, strolling by the beach, going to the hot springs, going to the theme parks.... like what my darlingz said yesterday... we got so much things to do together.... hehehehehe.... then I cannot call you or sms you also.... sob sob... dear dear.. i pick alot of autumn maple leaves for u k?? Hehehe... I am so so so going to miiiissss you... arghh... why dun we meet each other earlier..?? Haiz.. sad le.... even meeting up with U everyday dun seem to be enough.... how I wish I can spend more time with U yesterday..... I can't bear to leave U yesterday sia.. how I wish I can spend forever with U like this in ur arms..... how I wish I can spend the night with U yesterday.... hugging you to sleep.... sad to think of it sia...

It is hard to move on after a 6 yrs relationship.. I realise... there are so much things that you got to restart all over again.. getting to know a new person and letting a new person getting to know you... and getting used to each other's likes, dislikes and habits.... getting into each other's lifes and merging into one entity.. I guess that is the reason why alot of ppl choose to remain with their partner out of habit becoz they dun wan to start a new relationship all over again.... and repeat the entire cycle.... I choose to move on as I beg to be different... I want to find my true love.. someone who will hold my hands 40 yrs down the road and not someone who I stayed with out of habit... but the past came back and haunted me yesterday and it makes me feel so guilty... it is a pull between the past and the future.... not that I thought of returning to my past.. just some things I can't let go as of yet...

Dear.. I am sure we will be able to work out our differences along the way becoz our love is strong enough for eternity... i really love you alot... to the extent I am really scared of losing you someday... to the extent I think too much and become too possessive... I have no idea how I am going to cope with losing you.... not that I am doubting your love for me..... I know you truly love me... I am just scared due to past experiences.. i know U will understand....

Missing U...

hehe... actually I have alot of work to rush finish before I go for my 8days holidays to Korea... but I am simply missing my darling too much to continue.. can't wait to see him everyday when I go off work... can't wait to see him later... we going shopping later for my daddy birthday cake.. hehehehe.... can't wait to see him.... I miss him so much much.. even though we meet each other everyday becoz my sweet darling will come and fetch me off work everyday... how I wish this can continue forever.... hehehehe... I sound like a little ger very much in love right..? I am.. hahahah.. a pampered spoilt little gal... who is very much in love with my sweet little luvy.. hehehehe.. time is simply not enough...

Dear... we got 14600 days to count down to eh... heheheheheh... it seem so short isn't it..?? hehehehe

DarlingZ U are the gift to me...

Darlingz...

To have U in my life is the greatest gift of all...
You are there to support me when I most needed your support
You are always there for me whenever I need you
You treat me like i am your one and only princess in this world...
You are always there to protect me... from getting myself hurt from the outside world...
You are always there to show me the care and concern that I need
You always understand what I am thinking... and always willing to accept my thoughts... you provide me with advice but never force me to make decisions
You always allow me to climb over your head.. even though I warned you not to pamper me too much becoz I will sooner or later climb overboard... but U say you dun mind
You are always so sweet to me.. to pamper me
You are my precious lubby... hehehe

I cannot and have never imagine meeting someone like you who will be able to accept me for who I am truly... I know I am abit naggy about your smoking and drinking habits.. as much as I give U the freedom to hang out and drink with your frenz... U know it is for your own good... I know I am a bit silly sometimes... with regards to zero possibility... but I can nv imagine doing something to hurt you.... this I promise.... Noone can ever match up to you in my heart now.. becoz U are the one and only...

I can't wait to spend the rest of my time with you.... one moment not being beside you seem like eternity to me.... ppl might say it is becoz now we are having the so called honeymoon period.. but I seriously doubt so becoz... I know we both know.. given eternity.. we will still be able to continue holding on to each other hands fourty years down the road yet being silent.. and frank to each other.... before all these... before your truthfulness... I seriously doubt to myself if I have found the right one and you are not playing with my feelings.. maybe I have no confidence in myself.... I dun believe U have fallen for me... I dun believe that there is anything so nice abt me that have charmed U to lose ur senses..I dun believe I have the ability to be anyone dream gal let alone urs...what do I have to be ur dream gal?? I think God is playing a trick on me... just like before... But now I can tell myself I am glad I make the right decision... forgive me for saying all of the above darling... Becoz U are just too good to be true.. I am deeply in love with U...ppl say Scorpios once they fall in love.. they fall deeply in love.. we are both Scorpios.. hehehe I dun think I can ever live my life without U... I dun think I can ever lose U... just like what everyone say when U love someone U become scared of losing them... and I am so scared I will lose U... becoz I really love U my dear... to the fullest deepest of my heart.... U are my everything... hehee

The Gift

The Gift
Written by: Jim Brickman and Tom Douglas
Sung by: Collin Raye and Susan Ashton

Winter snow is falling down
Children laughing all around
Lights are turning on
Like a fairy tale come true
Sitting by the fire we made
You’re the answer when I prayed
I would find someone
And baby I found you

All I want is to hold you forever
All I need is you more every day
You saved my heart
From being broken apart
You gave your love away
And I'm thankful every day
For the gift

Watching as you softly sleep
What I'd give if I could keep
Just this moment
If only time stood still
But the colors fade away
And the years will make us grey
But baby in my eyes
You'll still be beautiful

All I want is to hold you forever
All I need is you more every day
You saved my heart
From being broken apart
You gave your love away
I can't find the words to say
That I’m thankful everyday
For the gift

Somebody

Somebody - Depeche Mode

I want somebody to share
Share the rest of my life
Share my innermost thoughts
Know my intimate details
Someone who'll stand by my side
And give me support
And in return
She'll get my support
She will listen to me
When I want to speak
About the world we live in
And life in general
Though my views may be wrong
They may even be perverted
She'll hear me out
And won't easily be converted
To my way of thinking
In fact she'll often disagree
But at the end of it all
She will understand me

I want somebody who cares
For me passionately
With every thought and
With every breath
Someone who'll help me see things
In a different light
All the things I detest
I will almost like
I don't want to be tied
To anyone's strings
I'm carefully trying to steer clear of
Those things
But when I'm asleep
I want somebody
Who will put their arms around me
And kiss me tenderly
Though things like this
Make me sick
In a case like this
I'll get away with it