Why do you keep on saying sorry to me? What are you apologising for?? Sorry for not accommpanying me for this entire week? Sorry for not talking to me this entire week? Sorry for not smsing me this entire week? Sorry for not being there for me or not showing enough care and concern for me?? Sorry for not spending enough time with me?? Sorry for not meeting me at all..?? Sorry for not having anything to say to me??? Sorry becoz you feel guilty for whatever you have said in Bintan?? Sorry that you finally decide you still prefer your ex in your life?? Sorry because you know you have hurt me?? Sorry because you feel funni around me, not knowing what to say and what is the status quo of this relationship?? Are we frenz, close frenz or what?? I can feel that funni feeling whenever u speak to me over the MSN or phone...? It is like U want to keep a distance between us and you dunno what to say to me... but yet you still want to be there for me to care about me as a frenz I know... u apologize when u are going for kopi with ur bro.. u apologize again when I am logging off yesterday to go to sleep... there is that period of awkard silence when u nv replied to whatever I have said... are u thinking or u dunno what to say??
why can't we go back to the past? I thought we are comfortable with each other then... I dun wan anything more.... I rather keep u as a frenz then lose a gd frenz like U.... that is why I say U dun need to say sorry to me.... I am alright...really....
Friday, September 30, 2005
Thursday, September 29, 2005
Ups & Downs in the seas of love
U ask me b4 why did i remove my blog away from Friendster... i told U i remove it because I am afraid ur ex will go and read my blog and know all about me and U... actually that is the secondary reason.. the primary reason is because I dun wan U to read it... U surely wun be that clever to read the histories of our MSN conversations to trace back the direct link to my blog page..U will most likely just log in to Friendster and see it from that... and in the first place I dun even know if u actually keep a log of all the histories... maybe U dun.. but just to play safe I dun wan U to read my blog... because I dun wan u to know how terrible and miserable I am feeling without U by my side...
I was smoking alone today... and I thought to myself.. actually I am alright being single.. I am alright being single before U came into my life and created some habits that I find so hard to quit... but at least I am now getting used to it... thanks to U for keeping a distance away from me.... the amount of sms have decreased significantly.. maybe due to the entire hectic week that U are having in camp... no calls at all... our chats on MSN only consisted of a few sentences greetings and goodbyez... I still dreamed abt U.. but I am sure that will also goes off with time.. maybe when I start my part time job with Delifrance.. I will just fall into a deep sleep once i hit my bed that I wun even dream about U at all... I still think about U alot... thoughts of U besides me... thoughts of U in Bintan.. thoughts of seeing U besides me when I wake up early in the morning... thoughts of all the things that U have said and done... still waiting for your calls and sms... I still have my hopes to see your name whenever my phone rings with an sms or a call and be disappointed when it is actually from someone else.... I still hope that within ur busy schedule, U might still have time to give me a short sms or call like before to ask if I have a nice day at work, have a proper lunch, have I reached home or not.. and ask me to take care of myself... But it is also during this time that I realise... how little and insignificant I know about ur life as compared to U knowing mine... I dunno if I shld sms u... shld I call u... would it be the right time? Will U be busy... will U be out with ur ex... wiill U be out with ur frenz.... I realise I haven't been part of ur life at all... in fact maybe I nv even enter into it before...
I was watching the drama serial Ups & Downs In The Sea Of Love.. u noe I love to watch that show... and U always allow me to go watch it... ppl who know me well would think that indeed I have changed a lot in my character and my life for U... more soft... more submissive.... maybe U shld be honoured becoz U have also achieve ur aim in taming me... haha.. dunno why.. but I always listen to U... whatever U say and whatever U asked me to do... but I know in the past U will always be there whenever I need U... always be there for me.. always be there to care abt me... always be there to take care of me..always there to support me... time will no longer be the same wun it?? we can nv go back to the past... as much as I would love too... but anyway in the show... the main lead WEICHEN like YAMA.. he always do... AH DIN like WEICHEM and she is willing to do anything for him.. just to be with him.. just to see him happy.... and she know that he loves YAMA and YAMA love him too.. and they will be happie together... when YAMA is going to marry another guy... he is so upset... but AH DIN is there to support him.. they decide they will always be best partners best of frenz..but when she get to know that he is trying ways and means to chase YAMA back.. she still feel hurt... U know... the struggle that goes through in AH DIN mind.. i can so deepyly feel it.. because it is the same thing that is going through my mind.. i know u wun be happy with me.. i noe u and ur ex still love each other... i noe u and ur ex will be much happier together.., and i want u to be happy... and therefore i am willling to let u go.... i encourage u to follow ur true feelings.. to chase her back if u really still like her alot... but underneath the strong appearance is a heart broken... a heart deeply hurt...i also want u by my side.. i also need ur support... i also need ur care and concern... but i am nv in ur eyes.. becoz the only person u see is her...
I was smoking alone today... and I thought to myself.. actually I am alright being single.. I am alright being single before U came into my life and created some habits that I find so hard to quit... but at least I am now getting used to it... thanks to U for keeping a distance away from me.... the amount of sms have decreased significantly.. maybe due to the entire hectic week that U are having in camp... no calls at all... our chats on MSN only consisted of a few sentences greetings and goodbyez... I still dreamed abt U.. but I am sure that will also goes off with time.. maybe when I start my part time job with Delifrance.. I will just fall into a deep sleep once i hit my bed that I wun even dream about U at all... I still think about U alot... thoughts of U besides me... thoughts of U in Bintan.. thoughts of seeing U besides me when I wake up early in the morning... thoughts of all the things that U have said and done... still waiting for your calls and sms... I still have my hopes to see your name whenever my phone rings with an sms or a call and be disappointed when it is actually from someone else.... I still hope that within ur busy schedule, U might still have time to give me a short sms or call like before to ask if I have a nice day at work, have a proper lunch, have I reached home or not.. and ask me to take care of myself... But it is also during this time that I realise... how little and insignificant I know about ur life as compared to U knowing mine... I dunno if I shld sms u... shld I call u... would it be the right time? Will U be busy... will U be out with ur ex... wiill U be out with ur frenz.... I realise I haven't been part of ur life at all... in fact maybe I nv even enter into it before...
I was watching the drama serial Ups & Downs In The Sea Of Love.. u noe I love to watch that show... and U always allow me to go watch it... ppl who know me well would think that indeed I have changed a lot in my character and my life for U... more soft... more submissive.... maybe U shld be honoured becoz U have also achieve ur aim in taming me... haha.. dunno why.. but I always listen to U... whatever U say and whatever U asked me to do... but I know in the past U will always be there whenever I need U... always be there for me.. always be there to care abt me... always be there to take care of me..always there to support me... time will no longer be the same wun it?? we can nv go back to the past... as much as I would love too... but anyway in the show... the main lead WEICHEN like YAMA.. he always do... AH DIN like WEICHEM and she is willing to do anything for him.. just to be with him.. just to see him happy.... and she know that he loves YAMA and YAMA love him too.. and they will be happie together... when YAMA is going to marry another guy... he is so upset... but AH DIN is there to support him.. they decide they will always be best partners best of frenz..but when she get to know that he is trying ways and means to chase YAMA back.. she still feel hurt... U know... the struggle that goes through in AH DIN mind.. i can so deepyly feel it.. because it is the same thing that is going through my mind.. i know u wun be happy with me.. i noe u and ur ex still love each other... i noe u and ur ex will be much happier together.., and i want u to be happy... and therefore i am willling to let u go.... i encourage u to follow ur true feelings.. to chase her back if u really still like her alot... but underneath the strong appearance is a heart broken... a heart deeply hurt...i also want u by my side.. i also need ur support... i also need ur care and concern... but i am nv in ur eyes.. becoz the only person u see is her...
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
a FRENZ inspiration
I saw a frenz's frenz blog today.. and it brings back memories, feelings and thoughts....she wrote that clinging to the past will nv help to progress into the future... letting go in a relationship doesn't mean that u love less, but instead, to have e compassion & loving-kindness to know when to let go. To not cause misery is love. Even if we make it till e end holding hands 2gether, e process itself is miserable, suffocating, pointless & tiring. We will end up hurting each other by clinging. At e end of everything, thr's no real winner-both r equally miserable.
U told me before U have already moved on, u urself told me that clinging on to the past U will never be able to progress into the future, U say that U will give her ur blessings if she finally found the right one for herself, U say U dun think of her that much anymore, U say U are happy.. U told me not to regret whatever decisions I have made in my life... I told U I nv did and I wun... and I hope U wun too.. and U say U wun turn back your head on the past... instead U would choose to concentrate on the future... the next thing I know U backed out on ur words... U said U nv moved on, U nv got used to life without her, U nv let go of the past relationship, U missed her... and U still want her back into your life... even though U still can't accept her choosing her job over U.... U are just too used to having her in ur life....
But I can't gurantee to U that holding hands with her for the rest of your life will be a misery for U... I know u will be much happier with her... I know both of U still like one another... I think the last part is for me.. i shouldn't cling on to u... becoz it will be tiring for both me and U...admit it as much as I dun want to.. we are not happy together... we will end up adding to each other's hurt and misery... no point... I know when to let go.. and trust me I am trying to....
U told me before U have already moved on, u urself told me that clinging on to the past U will never be able to progress into the future, U say that U will give her ur blessings if she finally found the right one for herself, U say U dun think of her that much anymore, U say U are happy.. U told me not to regret whatever decisions I have made in my life... I told U I nv did and I wun... and I hope U wun too.. and U say U wun turn back your head on the past... instead U would choose to concentrate on the future... the next thing I know U backed out on ur words... U said U nv moved on, U nv got used to life without her, U nv let go of the past relationship, U missed her... and U still want her back into your life... even though U still can't accept her choosing her job over U.... U are just too used to having her in ur life....
But I can't gurantee to U that holding hands with her for the rest of your life will be a misery for U... I know u will be much happier with her... I know both of U still like one another... I think the last part is for me.. i shouldn't cling on to u... becoz it will be tiring for both me and U...admit it as much as I dun want to.. we are not happy together... we will end up adding to each other's hurt and misery... no point... I know when to let go.. and trust me I am trying to....
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Stopping....
I am not going to update this blog anymore... the feelings are not true.. I am not as strong as I show myself...
Monday, September 19, 2005
Mood Analysis on 19.09.05 6.10pm
MOOD ANALYSIS TEST 19.09.05 6.10PM
You want to be regarded as an exiting and interesting personality able to persuade others to comply with your beliefs and ideas. You are charming and able to influence other people who come into your sphere of influence. You like mental stimulation and you are the sort of person who is prepared to 'try anything once'. Your confidence is so much so that others are often swept away by your enthusiasm.
You are in need of rest, some peace and quiet. You feel the need to be close to that someone special, that someone who can give you that special consideration and unquestioning affection that you seek. If you don't find that 'special someone' and resolve your problems very soon, you are liable to become extremely introverted and cut yourself off from society.
You are prepared to establish a particular relationship that is being made available to you at this time. It could be a satisfactory liaison but there could be a certain amount of conflict involved -try to avoid direct confrontation at all costs.
Recently everything seems to have gone wrong and so you are experiencing considerable stress and anxiety due to mental conflict. A continuous case of 'Should I?' or 'Shouldn't I?'. At this particular moment in time you feel as if you have reached the end of your tether and it seems impossible to ever rectify the situation and so you have decided, perhaps quite unrealistically, to postpone making any further decisions. Disappointment and unfulfilled hopes have given rise to despondency. This conflict between hope and necessity is creating considerable pressure. Instead of resolving this by facing up to making the essential decision, you are likely to immerse yourself in the pursuit of trivialities as an escape route.
Trying to cope with conditions which you think are beyond your capabilities has led to considerable anxiety and stress. You now feel that you are not capable of coping with this situation and indeed any situation which could arise from what you consider to be your personal inadequacy.
(http://www.colorgenics.com/sps/index.cfm)
You want to be regarded as an exiting and interesting personality able to persuade others to comply with your beliefs and ideas. You are charming and able to influence other people who come into your sphere of influence. You like mental stimulation and you are the sort of person who is prepared to 'try anything once'. Your confidence is so much so that others are often swept away by your enthusiasm.
You are in need of rest, some peace and quiet. You feel the need to be close to that someone special, that someone who can give you that special consideration and unquestioning affection that you seek. If you don't find that 'special someone' and resolve your problems very soon, you are liable to become extremely introverted and cut yourself off from society.
You are prepared to establish a particular relationship that is being made available to you at this time. It could be a satisfactory liaison but there could be a certain amount of conflict involved -try to avoid direct confrontation at all costs.
Recently everything seems to have gone wrong and so you are experiencing considerable stress and anxiety due to mental conflict. A continuous case of 'Should I?' or 'Shouldn't I?'. At this particular moment in time you feel as if you have reached the end of your tether and it seems impossible to ever rectify the situation and so you have decided, perhaps quite unrealistically, to postpone making any further decisions. Disappointment and unfulfilled hopes have given rise to despondency. This conflict between hope and necessity is creating considerable pressure. Instead of resolving this by facing up to making the essential decision, you are likely to immerse yourself in the pursuit of trivialities as an escape route.
Trying to cope with conditions which you think are beyond your capabilities has led to considerable anxiety and stress. You now feel that you are not capable of coping with this situation and indeed any situation which could arise from what you consider to be your personal inadequacy.
(http://www.colorgenics.com/sps/index.cfm)
TIME...
OH MY GOD... time is going so soooooo slowly today until it is killing me!!! Arghh.. this is my third blog of the day le.. and it is only 3.20pm.. can someone pls find something for me to do.... if not i am going to die of boredom and die of depression.. I dun want to think abt things....... and I dun need the extra time to think abt things...... argghhhh.... die la die la.. jialat le lo...
Somebody
Somebody (Depeche Mode)
I want somebody to share
Share the rest of my life
Share my innermost thoughts
Know my intimate details
Someone who'll stand by my side
And give me support
And in return
She'll get my support
She will listen to me
When I want to speak
About the world we live in
And life in general
Though my views may be wrong
They may even be perverted
She'll hear me out
And won't easily be converted
To my way of thinking
In fact she'll often disagree
But at the end of it all
She will understand me
I want somebody who cares
For me passionately
With every thought and
With every breath
Someone who'll help me see things
In a different light
All the things I detest
I will almost like
I don't want to be tied
To anyone's strings
I'm carefully trying to steer clear of
Those things
But when I'm asleep
I want somebody
Who will put their arms around me
And kiss me tenderly
Though things like this
Make me sick
In a case like this
I'll get away with it
I want somebody to share
Share the rest of my life
Share my innermost thoughts
Know my intimate details
Someone who'll stand by my side
And give me support
And in return
She'll get my support
She will listen to me
When I want to speak
About the world we live in
And life in general
Though my views may be wrong
They may even be perverted
She'll hear me out
And won't easily be converted
To my way of thinking
In fact she'll often disagree
But at the end of it all
She will understand me
I want somebody who cares
For me passionately
With every thought and
With every breath
Someone who'll help me see things
In a different light
All the things I detest
I will almost like
I don't want to be tied
To anyone's strings
I'm carefully trying to steer clear of
Those things
But when I'm asleep
I want somebody
Who will put their arms around me
And kiss me tenderly
Though things like this
Make me sick
In a case like this
I'll get away with it
Be loved or to love?
Is it really true that being loved by someone is better than having to love someone?? I promise myself before I will nv step into this topic again.... but Sat night when you ask me the question again, I try to force myself not to think about it... I was determined to stick to the conclusion that I have come out long time ago... but I failed again...
Sunday, September 18, 2005
I am alright....
Can someone pls tell me why do I have to be so stubborn... why do I have to be so strong... why do I have to be so independant... why can't I rely on others.. why can't I be soft... why can't I be fragile..?? Why do I always think in other ppl shoes but forget all about myself..?? why....??
I will be alright... I clearly know what I want and what I do not want.... I have achieved what I set out to achieve.... I dun like to force things.. i dun like chances and I dun like something that do not belong to me in the very first place.... I truly believe in true happiness... what is urs is urs.. what is not is not... everything is fated.... sometimes as much as you try to avoid... the one thing U wun be able to avoid is your true feelings... try not thinking about it... and it only accumulate and snowball even more... face it up and U will be able to move on better than before...
I have moved on and I am moving on fine.... Life is like that... u get detours sometimes.. but I have always be clear about what I wanted and follow my principles well enough... I have always be alright... I am a loner... I can be a loner... I can survive on my own... I can live on my own... this trip prove it even more... it proved everything that I wanted to prove... to myself and to others.... at least for one thing... everything is clear now... follow your true feelings and you will nv be wrong... I will do fine.....just need to refocus... and I will be able to continue my path in life just fine.....
I will be alright... I clearly know what I want and what I do not want.... I have achieved what I set out to achieve.... I dun like to force things.. i dun like chances and I dun like something that do not belong to me in the very first place.... I truly believe in true happiness... what is urs is urs.. what is not is not... everything is fated.... sometimes as much as you try to avoid... the one thing U wun be able to avoid is your true feelings... try not thinking about it... and it only accumulate and snowball even more... face it up and U will be able to move on better than before...
I have moved on and I am moving on fine.... Life is like that... u get detours sometimes.. but I have always be clear about what I wanted and follow my principles well enough... I have always be alright... I am a loner... I can be a loner... I can survive on my own... I can live on my own... this trip prove it even more... it proved everything that I wanted to prove... to myself and to others.... at least for one thing... everything is clear now... follow your true feelings and you will nv be wrong... I will do fine.....just need to refocus... and I will be able to continue my path in life just fine.....
Thursday, September 15, 2005
Seriously in a GRUMPY mood
I tell U why I am so grumpy early in the morning......
Yesterday night after a nice filling dinner at Swensens Marina Square plus a cafe mocha at Bistro Delifrance... I was tired.... I was nearly falling asleep while waiting for the cab at Suntec Convention Centre and on the cab..... my brain cells were all dead, my brain was not functioning properly, my mind was switched off into standby mode.. I was stoned bascially... there is nothing going through my mind.... just blank.... Ok so I figured out I am going to reach home.. have a nice shower and collapse onto my bed.... and GUESS WHAT.... I was tossing and turning on my bed till 3am in the morning.... ARGHHHH... it drives me crazy becoz over and over again I was trying to force myself to sleep.... Dun tell me it is because of the coffee... because Delifrance coffee really do have no impacts on me at all.... U know those nights when U really want to sleep becoz U are mentally and physcially tired but yet U can't becoz your mind and your brain is still in a semi conscious state.... I hate those nights..... and then finally around 3am in the wee hours of the morning.. I managed to force myself to sleep.. BUT i woke up at 7am in the morning... Oh MY GOD.. what is this world coming to?? When I need to wake up early in the mrning... I can't.. but when I dun need to wake up early in the mrning.. here am I at 10am in the mrning writing my blog complaining about how little sleep I have yesterday night.... I have black eye rings around my eyes I just notice it yesterday.....arghhhh... I am seriously in a very serious state of depression due to lack of sleep.. can someone please help to find me a doctor...?? I have to work late tonight.. i got a meeting that I am dreading in the afternoon.... and the last thing I need is to get a double shot expresso to prevent myself from stoning.... I most prob look like a zombie with toothpicks trying to push her eyes wide open.... I hate office politics... I hate meetings where different depts try to kill each other in the battle for survival... I hate meetings where different depts try to play "Tai JI" and shove the responsibilities to each other, blaming each other for what has happened... nothing will be solved at the meeting... just agruments after agruments.... and the next thing U know the same thing happen again.... and I thought the agenda for the meeting is to solve the problem and make sure that it will not happen again..... lousy agenda.... maybe I should call in MC becoz with this state of mind.. I will just most likely just take the stage and bark at every single one of them to f**king hell do ur own jobs properly and save the rest of the crap.... really sorry for the vulgarities.. hahahaha.... terrible eh.... I have a feeling I am going to smoke alot today... yah.. Thomas.. my smoking khaki.. I see U every one hour at the carpark eh... hahaha... then maybe this way we will be able to surive until 9pm tonight both U and Me... hahaha.. the pathetic two unlucky human beings...
Really wan to say sorry to my frenz yesterday.... I was so stoned I basically ignore his presence... I think I sometimes really do bore him alot.. because he will always stand or sit besides me and I will be lost in my own world of thoughts... hahahaha... so so sorry man... hehe... forgive me will U?? Hahha... anyway I hope you have fun at Zouk yesterday.. I will feel so guilty if U dun... becoz I might have just wasted a few days of ur blocked leave... hahahaa
Logged on to friendster and Oh My God.. they changed the profile again.... and it is looking even worse than the previous times.. hahaha.. who the hell give them comments to change it into this way... haiz... I think let me go lie on my bed and maybe I will be able to catch another half an hour of sleep... maybe........
Yesterday night after a nice filling dinner at Swensens Marina Square plus a cafe mocha at Bistro Delifrance... I was tired.... I was nearly falling asleep while waiting for the cab at Suntec Convention Centre and on the cab..... my brain cells were all dead, my brain was not functioning properly, my mind was switched off into standby mode.. I was stoned bascially... there is nothing going through my mind.... just blank.... Ok so I figured out I am going to reach home.. have a nice shower and collapse onto my bed.... and GUESS WHAT.... I was tossing and turning on my bed till 3am in the morning.... ARGHHHH... it drives me crazy becoz over and over again I was trying to force myself to sleep.... Dun tell me it is because of the coffee... because Delifrance coffee really do have no impacts on me at all.... U know those nights when U really want to sleep becoz U are mentally and physcially tired but yet U can't becoz your mind and your brain is still in a semi conscious state.... I hate those nights..... and then finally around 3am in the wee hours of the morning.. I managed to force myself to sleep.. BUT i woke up at 7am in the morning... Oh MY GOD.. what is this world coming to?? When I need to wake up early in the mrning... I can't.. but when I dun need to wake up early in the mrning.. here am I at 10am in the mrning writing my blog complaining about how little sleep I have yesterday night.... I have black eye rings around my eyes I just notice it yesterday.....arghhhh... I am seriously in a very serious state of depression due to lack of sleep.. can someone please help to find me a doctor...?? I have to work late tonight.. i got a meeting that I am dreading in the afternoon.... and the last thing I need is to get a double shot expresso to prevent myself from stoning.... I most prob look like a zombie with toothpicks trying to push her eyes wide open.... I hate office politics... I hate meetings where different depts try to kill each other in the battle for survival... I hate meetings where different depts try to play "Tai JI" and shove the responsibilities to each other, blaming each other for what has happened... nothing will be solved at the meeting... just agruments after agruments.... and the next thing U know the same thing happen again.... and I thought the agenda for the meeting is to solve the problem and make sure that it will not happen again..... lousy agenda.... maybe I should call in MC becoz with this state of mind.. I will just most likely just take the stage and bark at every single one of them to f**king hell do ur own jobs properly and save the rest of the crap.... really sorry for the vulgarities.. hahahaha.... terrible eh.... I have a feeling I am going to smoke alot today... yah.. Thomas.. my smoking khaki.. I see U every one hour at the carpark eh... hahaha... then maybe this way we will be able to surive until 9pm tonight both U and Me... hahaha.. the pathetic two unlucky human beings...
Really wan to say sorry to my frenz yesterday.... I was so stoned I basically ignore his presence... I think I sometimes really do bore him alot.. because he will always stand or sit besides me and I will be lost in my own world of thoughts... hahahaha... so so sorry man... hehe... forgive me will U?? Hahha... anyway I hope you have fun at Zouk yesterday.. I will feel so guilty if U dun... becoz I might have just wasted a few days of ur blocked leave... hahahaa
Logged on to friendster and Oh My God.. they changed the profile again.... and it is looking even worse than the previous times.. hahaha.. who the hell give them comments to change it into this way... haiz... I think let me go lie on my bed and maybe I will be able to catch another half an hour of sleep... maybe........
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
My Feelings.... on 13.09.05
I can't think of a title so let just make do with this simple one...
First of all... I would like to say CONGRATS TO MR LAWRENCE WEE ENG SIANG for taking over Suntec Bistro Delifrance.... haha... just received his sms to announce his takeover... hope with his management.... the store will be able to bring in more sales for the Delifrance management and no worries.. I will surely pop by to have a free coffee plus a chit chat someday... hahaha... for people who dunno him.. let me give you a formal introduction on who is him... Mr Lawrence was my previous store manager cum enemy... Haha.. when I first went into Bugis... we are at loggerheads everyday.. he can't stand me and the sight of me and neither can I... and he nearly make me quit Deli which I am glad he didn;t.. he was simply too biased towards me... But after months... after getting used to each other terrible habits.. we realise actually we can talk rubbish and crap like nobody business... hahaha... we used to do stock counts until late night and chat and eat Macdonalds while waiting for the report to print... Haha... and the next thing U know.. he got a transfer out to Raffles City and we realise actually we kinda of miss working with each other... Helped him to find something to study... helped him to do spring cleaning at RC.. (although I didn't really help much anyway).. and we actually become quite good frenz after that.. even after I left deli... hehe... I am happy for him anyway becoz Bistro has always been his aim... ever since the management announced the news... So Jiayou hor... hehe I am always available for dinner pickup.. hahaha..
Anyway... I was watching Stairways of Heaven.. I simply love Korean dramas.. but at the same time hate it becoz it makes me imagine too much.... imagine how nice if I can get a guy as nice, as sensitive, as charming, as romantic, as caring, as emotional as the main male lead in the show... although coming back to reality... I dun think there is ever a guy as good as the male lead in the show... it is all a fairy tale isn't it??? I remember my ex always try and bring me back to reality by trying me that such guys dun exists in the world.. but I choose to believe in it... I choose to embrace myself with the fact that maybe I will be able to find someone as good in my own way.. someone who will treat me well.. care for me... pamper me....protect me... is my expectations too high?? Are I really looking for something
very irrealistic..?? Maybe I shld really stop thinking so much... and be happy being single as advised by a frenz of mine.... whatever happens in the future so be it eh....sometimes i really think i think too much.. can I just get myself trapped on a island paradise and think my life away...??
I am doing well anyway... still in the same old pathetic job... as much as I want to leave I can't as usual knowing me... just waiting to get sacked by others but I seriously doubt they will do.. I will be the happiest person if they ever do sack me... I can go for a holiday.... This is me isn't it? The one person whose complaints you have been listening for so many years.... the person who usually put her heart and soul into her work.. and then complains about being mentally and physcially tired after everything.... and cried out loud.... but overall I bet I am doing fine...dun need to worry about me... and thanks for everything.....I am glad that U finally got a job in what U always want to be... it is a good chance for U...Jia You but dun tire urself out considering U seem to be doing many jobs at the same time.. Sincerely wish u all the best also... I think that is all I can do right??? If one day you found something that belong to your own part of happines... make sure u grab it kk? I will be happy for you....
First of all... I would like to say CONGRATS TO MR LAWRENCE WEE ENG SIANG for taking over Suntec Bistro Delifrance.... haha... just received his sms to announce his takeover... hope with his management.... the store will be able to bring in more sales for the Delifrance management and no worries.. I will surely pop by to have a free coffee plus a chit chat someday... hahaha... for people who dunno him.. let me give you a formal introduction on who is him... Mr Lawrence was my previous store manager cum enemy... Haha.. when I first went into Bugis... we are at loggerheads everyday.. he can't stand me and the sight of me and neither can I... and he nearly make me quit Deli which I am glad he didn;t.. he was simply too biased towards me... But after months... after getting used to each other terrible habits.. we realise actually we can talk rubbish and crap like nobody business... hahaha... we used to do stock counts until late night and chat and eat Macdonalds while waiting for the report to print... Haha... and the next thing U know.. he got a transfer out to Raffles City and we realise actually we kinda of miss working with each other... Helped him to find something to study... helped him to do spring cleaning at RC.. (although I didn't really help much anyway).. and we actually become quite good frenz after that.. even after I left deli... hehe... I am happy for him anyway becoz Bistro has always been his aim... ever since the management announced the news... So Jiayou hor... hehe I am always available for dinner pickup.. hahaha..
Anyway... I was watching Stairways of Heaven.. I simply love Korean dramas.. but at the same time hate it becoz it makes me imagine too much.... imagine how nice if I can get a guy as nice, as sensitive, as charming, as romantic, as caring, as emotional as the main male lead in the show... although coming back to reality... I dun think there is ever a guy as good as the male lead in the show... it is all a fairy tale isn't it??? I remember my ex always try and bring me back to reality by trying me that such guys dun exists in the world.. but I choose to believe in it... I choose to embrace myself with the fact that maybe I will be able to find someone as good in my own way.. someone who will treat me well.. care for me... pamper me....protect me... is my expectations too high?? Are I really looking for something
very irrealistic..?? Maybe I shld really stop thinking so much... and be happy being single as advised by a frenz of mine.... whatever happens in the future so be it eh....sometimes i really think i think too much.. can I just get myself trapped on a island paradise and think my life away...??
I am doing well anyway... still in the same old pathetic job... as much as I want to leave I can't as usual knowing me... just waiting to get sacked by others but I seriously doubt they will do.. I will be the happiest person if they ever do sack me... I can go for a holiday.... This is me isn't it? The one person whose complaints you have been listening for so many years.... the person who usually put her heart and soul into her work.. and then complains about being mentally and physcially tired after everything.... and cried out loud.... but overall I bet I am doing fine...dun need to worry about me... and thanks for everything.....I am glad that U finally got a job in what U always want to be... it is a good chance for U...Jia You but dun tire urself out considering U seem to be doing many jobs at the same time.. Sincerely wish u all the best also... I think that is all I can do right??? If one day you found something that belong to your own part of happines... make sure u grab it kk? I will be happy for you....
Thursday, September 08, 2005
Thinking of U as much as I dun wish to
Thinking of someone.....
I tried to stop myself...
I told myself I have no rights to interfere into your life... no rights to ask you to stop smoking... no rights to know if U are at home or at camp.. no rights to know if U have breakfast, lunch or dinner.. no rights to be jealous or ask who U are going out with... even more no rights to be irritated over U putting your ex photo onto your friendster... anyway.. why would I care?? I am not even your gerfrenz.. just your frenz... a frenz for comfort purposes...
At the same time, I told myself since I am just your frenz... I dun have to report to U about my whereabouts... why should I make the effort of reporting to u whether I wake up liao, I am in the office or not, have my dinner or not.. again U are just a frenz to me right? It has become a habit.... a habit that has been developed into me for no reason at all....I can't explain why.... I try to make ur appearance less significant in my life but habits are hard to changed.. even new developed habits..
We both make a pact that we both wun commit into a relationship.. we are both scared to fall into a second relationship.. we are both comfortable abt where we are now right?? I thought we came to an agreement on that not long ago?? Things should stay this way... right?? Maybe we are just trying to use each other to fill up the empty and vacant spot in each other life.... ... but still.... I am confused... why do I even think about U?? Why must we talk to each other every night before sleeping... U just ask me what would he think if I am forgoing a chance just becoz of U.... but in the first place.. aren't U supposed to have no place in my heart?? I am confused..... trying to look for a way out of the maze... are U equally confused like me or U are damn clear about this so called friendship or relationship with no committment?? Is it friendship or a relationship... or is it nowhere in between....
Whatever it is.. I think for one thing for sure... we both do not want to committ to another relationship... so just let things be
I tried to stop myself...
I told myself I have no rights to interfere into your life... no rights to ask you to stop smoking... no rights to know if U are at home or at camp.. no rights to know if U have breakfast, lunch or dinner.. no rights to be jealous or ask who U are going out with... even more no rights to be irritated over U putting your ex photo onto your friendster... anyway.. why would I care?? I am not even your gerfrenz.. just your frenz... a frenz for comfort purposes...
At the same time, I told myself since I am just your frenz... I dun have to report to U about my whereabouts... why should I make the effort of reporting to u whether I wake up liao, I am in the office or not, have my dinner or not.. again U are just a frenz to me right? It has become a habit.... a habit that has been developed into me for no reason at all....I can't explain why.... I try to make ur appearance less significant in my life but habits are hard to changed.. even new developed habits..
We both make a pact that we both wun commit into a relationship.. we are both scared to fall into a second relationship.. we are both comfortable abt where we are now right?? I thought we came to an agreement on that not long ago?? Things should stay this way... right?? Maybe we are just trying to use each other to fill up the empty and vacant spot in each other life.... ... but still.... I am confused... why do I even think about U?? Why must we talk to each other every night before sleeping... U just ask me what would he think if I am forgoing a chance just becoz of U.... but in the first place.. aren't U supposed to have no place in my heart?? I am confused..... trying to look for a way out of the maze... are U equally confused like me or U are damn clear about this so called friendship or relationship with no committment?? Is it friendship or a relationship... or is it nowhere in between....
Whatever it is.. I think for one thing for sure... we both do not want to committ to another relationship... so just let things be
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
Boring.....!!!
Aiyoh... I am now sitting in the office nothing to do...... no emails to check... no forms to fill up.... no data entries to update.... aiyah.... just waiting for 9.30pm to come and for exams to be over..... bored bored bored!!!!! When I am free... there is nothing to do... when I am not free... there is lots and lots of things to do.... hahaha... OMG how..??? Why is life always so confusing..?? Actually is not la.. I make it to be confusing and complicated eh.. heheh
Anyway things are going fine now.. as per normal... smoothly... I might be going for a holiday soon.. Can't wait for it... beach beach beach... hehehe... the sun & the sea...the sea breeze plus a nice chinese novel... and a nice tan at the end of the day.... a nice dinner... plus alcoholic drinks... woo hoo... what can be better than that... life enjoyment.. hahahahahaha.. I sound excited dun I?? Haha... wait until I digged into my pockets for the holiday expenses.. I bet I wun be that happie as now.. becoz I am rather broke actually....
Although there are still times when I will think about stuffs... when I will get moody and unhappy... those times are getting lesser and lesser now... I got my work, my frenz and my family.. i think that is enough for now... I am comfortable and happy with my current lifestyle... I believe I am changing... no idea why... but at least my thoughts and my feelings are more or less well controlled... hahahahaa... gd luck to me k?? Wish me all the best and hope I will find my ideal Prince Charming soon... hahaha
Anyway things are going fine now.. as per normal... smoothly... I might be going for a holiday soon.. Can't wait for it... beach beach beach... hehehe... the sun & the sea...the sea breeze plus a nice chinese novel... and a nice tan at the end of the day.... a nice dinner... plus alcoholic drinks... woo hoo... what can be better than that... life enjoyment.. hahahahahaha.. I sound excited dun I?? Haha... wait until I digged into my pockets for the holiday expenses.. I bet I wun be that happie as now.. becoz I am rather broke actually....
Although there are still times when I will think about stuffs... when I will get moody and unhappy... those times are getting lesser and lesser now... I got my work, my frenz and my family.. i think that is enough for now... I am comfortable and happy with my current lifestyle... I believe I am changing... no idea why... but at least my thoughts and my feelings are more or less well controlled... hahahahaa... gd luck to me k?? Wish me all the best and hope I will find my ideal Prince Charming soon... hahaha
Thursday, September 01, 2005
Admit it
Chris.. admit it.. it is going nowhere... I dun think it is or it will go anywhere.. why dun u just let it go and let things take its own course and go its own way rather than trying very hard to detour the normal course of things? It will make things even worse wun it?? The more U try the more u will fail.... what is urs will be urs... what is not... U can't force it to be.....maybe it is only wishful thinking on your part... how foolish can you be? from the very beginning U can't even get in touch with ur own feelings, how do u expect him to do the same thing? I bet he can't too.... do U really wan it just to fill in the vacant spot?? How selfish can U be?? U only think about urself but not about how others feel do u?? Give him a break.. ok?? I dun wan a relationship for the sake of a relationship... i want it becoz both parties truly like or love each other.. i dun wan to waste any more of both parties time... right?? Give it up.... U can nv fly... let go??
He seems to be the one I am looking for.. all his weaknesses to others seems like strengths to me.. he seems like a perfect gentleman to me.. all the plus points that I am looking for.. He make me laugh... he make me giggle.. I feel comfortable with him... seriously missing him.. missing the smell of his body besides me.. missing the smile.. the grin he have on his face... missing his warmth... I am just being silly pardon me.... I didn't know loneliness can really drive ppl over the edge crazy... hahahahaha...
He seems to be the one I am looking for.. all his weaknesses to others seems like strengths to me.. he seems like a perfect gentleman to me.. all the plus points that I am looking for.. He make me laugh... he make me giggle.. I feel comfortable with him... seriously missing him.. missing the smell of his body besides me.. missing the smile.. the grin he have on his face... missing his warmth... I am just being silly pardon me.... I didn't know loneliness can really drive ppl over the edge crazy... hahahahaha...
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