3 weeks to go...

Time really flies!!! To think that not soo long ago, I tested positive...then came the first trimester which isnt as bad as I thought it will be.. even though there was a couple of days I was down with morning sickness... then second trimester whipped past without a hitch... and now I am at my third trimester already... and it will be ending soon in 3 weeks!!!! How fast is that??? Hah

I started my maternity leave officially on 9th May... even though I will be still working from home.. at least I no longer have to make the 2 hours trip to work, up 3 flights of stairs.. and then make the same journey back... I reckon I will feel quite bored being stuck at home... other than going back to KK for the regular check ups... but the check ups are more packed now... it used to be once a mth.. then twice a week and now onwards it will be every week... becoz the baby is due anytime soon and they want to closely monitor it to make sure everything proceed smoothly.. The last checkup, baby weight is 2.7kg.. doc said it is abit too big for a 35 weeks baby, especially for my size... hmm... but I can't really control whatever I am eating.. so what the hack..

Everyone that see me now said my stomach is huge, even my dad...!! All the aunties in my block have been asking my mother in law if I am having twins... duhz!! Anyway the way I see it.. I dun feel my stomach being big at all.... hello.. it's a real live baby inside.. what do u expect??? Some old wives tale about not knowing how to hide my stomach... why should I?? And besides why would people even bother to hide their stomach for??? If you are pregnant you are pregnant.. I am as proud of my bump as I can be.. hahaha...

Anyway we went down and book my maternity package last Saturday during Rick's off day.. so that's one thing down... I wasn't very happy with what KK have to offer.. but at 35 weeks, I can't be bothered much... so let hope everything goes smoothly as planned... and I wun incur any much additional costs on top of the package becoz it will add up to a very pricy amount if it does... and thanks god there is the 0% installment plan... somehow it just help a bit to reduce the heartpain of seeing one whole lumpsum of 2k+ disappear from the bank account... self consolation indeed..

Started packing my bag today... already on standby mode... since baby might pop any day now crossing into 37 weeks.. in fact my mum has been nagging at me for quite some time on that... actually there isnt much... I just need to get a couple of more things ready for my confinement...a long sleeve jacket, bedroom slippers and socks... went out yesterday to Mustafa but didnt manage to get any of the items... most prob try my luck again this weekend... but first thing first I have already chopped off my long hair and got myself a short hairstyle.. hahah ... since I will be super wrapped up during my confinement... not being able to shower, not able to slp with aircon, cannot have the fan directly blowing at me... have to wear long sleeve, long pant, socks and bedroom slippers.. I reckon I will be sweating buckets... so I am sure short hair will help greatly... the hairstylist thinks that it is a waste for I have been having long hair so quite some time.. but hey that isn't anywhere on my concern list at the moment... for now I am just worried about how to make myself more comfortable... and not the opposite.. it will just be for a month.. and maybe it will help me to lose weight fastly.. so ok let just do with it...

Now that the due date is getting closer... even me (usually the calm one) is starting to panic a little... even though I kept telling myself that I cant plan for all possibilities.... so I should just let nature take its own course.. I am opting for natural birth... with the help of nitrous oxide of course.. but surely not epidural... I dun wan a injection in my spine.. and I surely dun want the helpless feeling of not being able to feel anything waist down.... I have quite a high threshold for pain.. and I believe very much in the fact that the brain controls over the physical state of the body... so it is how u think and not how u feel... so I am hoping with all these I am able to overcome the painful contractions.. although I still have no idea how painful the contractions are... my mum and my 2 best frenz think that I will surely be able to make it through since my character has always been very strong and rough... they know that I am not one of those gentle type of gals that cry out in pain at any simplest things... but Rick is abit worried... his major concern is he dun wan to see me in pain.... extreme pain that's it... so he kept asking me why I dun wan to choose C-section... since most of the people are going for it... it's like the easy way out... go in 15 mins the baby is out and there is no pain at all (not until afterwards)... but I dun wan a C-section... it wouldnt be considered childbirth if you nv go through natural labour at all!! That's what I think.. unless touch wood.. if I really cannot go for natural and have to go for a C-section.. then bo bian... but if can.. I am sticking to natural and that's it...

Thanks to my hubby!

I have to say this.. I think my hubby is one of the best I can ever have.

I have to thank him for being so supportive of me so far. Giving up his drinking tius to stay at home and accompany me, even if he need to go out he will try and make it back early, making the effort to fetch me to and fro work, bringing me to eat whatever I feel like eating and wherever I feel like going.. and most of all being sensitive to me and understand why I am going through all these changes...

I can't really ask for any more...

Old frenz...

I used to have a couple of good male frenz.. those die-hard buddies who sticked by me despite not being in contact for years but you know whenever you need them, they will always be there for you...

Frenz like Chia He and Franklin who I know since Sec 2.. Frenz like Leon and Shi An who I also know since secondary school, who I always hang out with... seeing them almost everyday for continously months... frenz like Kenji who I only know when I am in Delifrance..

Was going through my mobile contacts the other day and realised I havent spoken to them for ages.. I guess as everyone grows older.. conversation topics change, everyone has their own life.. and nothing seem to be the same anymore.... even the occasional "how are you" sms only comes back with common short replies like "ok... good... fine...".. a bit bo liao to come and think of it..

Moving on...

Honeymoon

Isabelle a uni frenz of mine went to France, Switzerland and Italy for her honeymoon! And me... I went to Pulau Redang.. not even sure if that is my honeymoon also.. It was just a trip taken some time after our solemnisation...

Now that's a whole load of unbalanced hormones..

1 yr anniversary

One more week and it will be me and Rick one year wedding anniversary.. this year it happens to be on the second day of Chinese New Year!! so qiao right?? Can't go anywhere this year as both me and Rick can't go on leave.. so we are going for a short trip to Sentosa.. I know I know.. it's boring right?? But we got to stay in SIN for the reunion dinner and we have to go visiting.. so 2 days aint enough for us to go anywhere else except the nearest overseas "island getaway".. So yes we will be spending our first wedding anniversary at Sentosa... jus the two of us... enjoying some peaceful (hopefully) time together..

3rd trimester

Today marks the beginning of my 3rd trimester. It is the final stretch towards the end of my pregnancy!! Each day seems to be getting more and more difficult.. as I continue to suffer from loss of sleep, a heavy and uncomfortable stomach, a uncontrollable bladder, multiple loud hiccups and burping.. but whenever I feel my baby move inside me, somehow it just bring a smile to my face... I just hope everything will be fine, that he wil be a healthy baby and I will carry him to full term... everything else doesnt matter...

Solemnisation at Orchid Country Club..

It's lousy...sorry to say...

Went for a frenz solemnisation at Orchid Country Club today afternoon with my hubby..I happen to be the chinese emcee for the ceremony... (of coz with a script provided)..

Settings was nice though I thought a bit plain.. ceremony went well... but the food sucks... the fried rice being the only main course for the buffet lunch was hard and tasteless... the rest were just boring stuffs like chicken wings, nuggets and sotong balls.. the carrot cake accordingly to my frenz was lousy too.. most of our frenz went for only one round and no more... the choices for desserts was boring.. with mini fruit tarts, ham & cheese crossisants, fruits and nyonya kuey.. the nyonya kuey dun seem very popular.. so i went for mini fruit tarts and fruits.. will never go wrong with that... there is still so much food left they have to pack.. and the service is lousy too!! There is too little service staffs that most of the people ended up doing self service, the lady clearing plates asked me if i want to have my plate cleared when i am in the midst of stuffing a big piece of lettuce into my mouth.. how she expect me to reply yes or no... i was rolling my eyes then.. then hubby asked if there is beer and she replied.. it is a buffet so it's self service... so hubby have to take drinks himself.. sad case..

Dun really think it is worth to spend so much (dunno how much it is) to have your ROM at Orchid Country Club when perhaps you can have better food & service elsewhere.. Hubby is right.. if the food at your ROM sucks.. everything sucks all together..

I think our food at Amara is still the best... hahaha.. everything is just perfect.. from the venue to the food.. the food was just the most fantastic finale to the perfect day man... till now I can still remember the taste of the salmon sashimi, the opera cakes, the cod fish, the prawns with honeydew etc... of coz it comes with a cost.. but at least everyone enjoy themselves and the food... I think most of the people that went had more than one round.. and even until now I still have people telling me how great the food is...

I miss the noodles!!!

This is the picture of the noodle dish that I have been craving ever since I returned back from Kuantan.. my parents in law didnt really like it but I LOVE IT man!!! I almost wanted to order the second plate becoz it was sooooo nice!! But this craving is going to be very hard to ease because everytime I want to eat this noodle dish we have to drive all the way to Kuantan... hahahaha..

Behold the special tomato sauce noodle that you can only find at Sungei Lembing, Kuantan.

Bukit Timah Hill - Conquered!

The highest peak in Singapore stands at an altitude of 164 metres.. (only...)

It was drizzling when we started the climb.. Didnt go in proper attire.. was in fact in slippers..

Easy walk plus a short flight of stairs to end the climb to the summit.. no kick at all..

Started pouring when we started our walk down.. so we stopped at one of the shelters midway hoping for the rain to stop.. in the end the rain dun seem to be stopping so we decided to proceed anyway..

My slippers is giving way during the last part which is a steep slope so I decided to take off my lousy slippers... easier than wearing the slippers sia.. wahaha..

Anyway next step Gurung Rinjani..3726 metres.. what a big difference in comparasion... wahaha

Facebook Account

Hmm after much persuasion from friends saying how fun Facebook is.. I finally decided to open a Facebook account...

However I dun like it though... it is too complicated and messy for me... I think Friendster is much more simple..

I like simple things.. dun make things complicated...

But one thing surprises me... even my ex-boss has a Facebook account.. dohz...

I LOVE MY NEW BLOG SKIN!!

The title says it all.. doesnt it??

Never say later, for later might not come...

Humans have a habit of pushing things to later or next time.. later then I do this... later then I do that... or I do it next time..

What if later or next time never come?? Will it constitute to regret for the rest of your life..?

Read a book that said.. "If you want to do something.. you do it now... coz it is now or never... there is no such things as later or next time...". But humans always like to postpone or delay things, don't they? Unless a deadline is given, if not nothing is as urgent as it can be..

Sometimes some things don't wait for you..

I actually wanted to go back and see my ah gong the weekend before he died.. but I thought better to myself and decided to instead book my bus ticket for the next weekend..since I just saw him the previous weekend before.... in the end before I could make my trip back to see him, he passed away.. and I so hate myself for missing that crucial weekend... If I have gone back, I perhaps could have seen him for the one last time...

This week my dad repeated the same mistake...my 三姑婆 has been diagnosed with cancer... she was hospitalised a couple of months ago and was since placed in a ward where all the cancer patients who are at the last stage slowly wait for their death... my dad have been visiting her every week during his day off... but last week he decided to skip one week coz his day off was on a Sunday and it happened to be the first week my bro came out from Tekong.. so he wanted to stay at home and accompany my bro... so he thought "never mind.. I will visit her this coming Tuesday during my next day off". But he wun have the chance to do it now becoz my 三姑婆 passed away yesterday... 2 days before he is supposed / planning to visit her... and now he kept saying that he should have known.. he should have gone down to visit her... blu blu blu...

Regret always come right after a missed opportunity, doesnt it? The opportunity was there.. you decide to postpone it to later/next time.. and when it's gone, all that is left is regret and self reproach...

sSo like what I said .. dun say later, for later might not come..

Reality is cruel?

Wah.. my last post is exactly one month ago.. what is wrong man?? I am not running out of things to write.. just too lazy I guess..

Just finished watching "Perfect Cut" the new show on Channel U on plastic surgery... everytime I watch this show I get the constant reminder that reality is cruel.. there are indeed people.. alot of people in this world who base their judgements purely on looks alone.. Fat people are called Pigs.. people with no breasts are called Airport.. Ugly or disabled people are stared and pointed at... endless things to be said to anyone who is out of the norm...

Why do people resort to plastic surgery.. seriously if I have the money and I am not scared of pain/death.. I would have got for the easy solution myself.. why not?? Jus spend the money, someone else do the job for you and you come out looking perfect.. from being despised at .. you almost immediately turn into a phoenix or a queen who everyone admire at.. everywhere u go you turn heads.. you are the centre of attention...

Everytime the show finishes.. I find the need to remind myself that there are still people in this world who go for inner beauty.. that I do have the inner beauty inside me.. which is why I have so many frenz and a loving husband (at least for now.. can't guarantee in the future)... that I dun have to care about what other people say about me... that I am already much better off than others.. that inner beauty is the only thing in this world that will last whereas outer beauty wun..

But the funni thing is I HAVE TO REMIND MYSELF or perhaps LIE TO MYSELF that reality is not as cruel as it seems to be.. and that there is still another side that I can rely on.. that there is still some beauty in this world... that inner beauty sometimes do win over outer beauty... hahahaha...

But somehow despite going through all the dilemas.. I still continue to watch the show everyday.. not sure whether I want to be constantly reminded that reality is cruel or whether I want to constantly try and convince myself that inner beauty is all that matters... weird right?? Maybe I like self torment.. or maybe I just want to face up to reality... accepting it for what it is.. reality is like that.. it can be good it can be bad it can be average.. depending on how you choose to see it... if you see the bad side, you can choose to move on and ignore it or wallow in misery.. if you see the good side, you can choose to take it for granted and ask for more or you can choose to be glad that you are already quite fortunate than the rest.. soo it just depend on how you see reality.

In the show today, one of the lady said "if you dun care about what other people say or think.. does your disability/your looks matter any more??" Her husband love her for who she is despite her having a huge patch of birthmark over the right side of her face... and when the main lead Alex Tan asked him how come they never consider plastic surgery to remove the birthmark.. he replied saying that they see each other through their hearts so their looks dun matter at all.. seeing each other through their hearts mean seeing the other person inner beauty and not their external appearance.

So does looks really ever matter??

The Human Spirit

Wah my last post is more than 1 mth ago.. that's long...

Anyway I just finished an documentary on Arts Central called "The Human Spirit". Today episode "The Man With No Face".

Looking at him, I really pity him for all the things that he had to go through... to cope with the illness is already bad enough, he still have to cope with other people's stares and extreme behaviour... you will have to be mentally strong to cope with all these and not go into depression.... you have to keep telling yourself it's okay.. you wun have to bother with what people say or think.. you just have to be yourself..

Dar asked me "how come you always like to look at such documentaries".. actually I also not sure myself.. my best answer will be that "only looking at such documentaries, I can tell myself that there are other people out there who are suffering more than me.. and I am already one of the lucky ones... and I should be glad for it.. hahaa"

My mum always used to tell me "you are already quite good le.. what about those handicapped / disabled people who cant hide any of their disabilities.. at least you can hide under a shirt / a dress".. that's true.. there are alot of people out there who cant hide and they have learned to cope with people's stares... and move on with their lifes.. why cant I??

When I went back to my primary school after two months hospitalisation leave, I was named / called FREAK.. I dun even know what I did / said to deserve that label of FREAK... on the exterior I dun look any difference before and after I do my operations.. it is just that I am exempted from PE lessons and all the teachers are extremely careful with me, afraid of tiring me out, afraid of stressing me out, afraid of touching me for fear that my spine / body might hurt... other than that I am perfectly normal and looks normal... and I insists to even my parents to treat me like a normal person... but just from that, everyone in school treat me like a freak..I go to school alone.. noone want to walk with me... everyone stand one arm length from me when we line up for national anthemn, noone eats with me during recess, noone wanna sit with me in class or at the hall.. best... seriously a primary 4 kid having to deal with all this.. at the time when you really wanna make frenz.. I am really surprised I went through that from primary 4 to primary 6... hahaha I cried (which is all I can do).. seriously I dunno how I did it...

But anyway somehow that piece of memory was blocked in my brain.. that period is like a blank space in my biography.. sometimes they said our brains will automatically block the unhappy moments and only allow the good memories to remain.. how good... hahaha.. anyway I survived and there are indeed people with worse fate out there.. these people have to face with it everyday... people staring at them wherever they go... I hope they have the courage to move on and be themselves regardless of whatever that happens.. because life is precious and is meant to be lived...

Piano and me...

I always love piano music...

Becoz they are relaxing, calm and beautiful....

Since young, I always thought that I have the talent for playing the piano.. becoz my fingers are long and slender... what people always told me.. your fingers are perfect for playing the piano!

But too bad I didnt have any chance to even touch a piano before.. and somehow I blame it on my parents who didnt send me for piano lessons and instead chose to send me to art classes which I horribly hate!! I have no talent for drawing absolutely... (although I manage to draw a decent peanut sketch for my O Level and barely survive through with a pass...) I remembered I spent all my days at art classes drawing a seaside with sea waves and coconut trees, a square house with a triangle roof and one pathetic small window and the smiling sun plus clouds.. even though my art teacher came out with various themes to fulfill for each lesson... every week I handled in the same picture.. theme = zoo me draw seaside, theme = animals me draw seaside.. I think if I remembered correctly.. I got kicked out of art classes becoz my art teacher just gave up on me.. hahahaa

So now I shall be contented with listening to piano music eh.. hahhaha...

Piano Spa 4

Piano Spa 4 is out and I brought it yesterday!!!

Good frenzs of mine will know I dun buy CDs becoz I always thought they are not worth the money...

But Piano Spa albums is a must buy!!!

I brought Piano Spa 2 in 2006.. that was the last album I brought till yesterday.. wahaha.. 2 years

Seriously the music is good and the cover is fantastic!! I fell in love with the cover.. I wish I could frame it up and look at it everyday and imagine I am in some paradise with nice music accompanied by the sound of the sea waves and breezes, with a good book and a nice drink in hand.. I could fall asleep in pure happiness and wake up in pure happiness.. hahahaha...

How can anyone not fall in love with the cover..

I am playing the CDs now... and I wish I have a CD player just beside my bed instead of having to play it on my laptop and having to stop the music when I close my laptop for the night.. I used to play it on my CD player and plugged it in while I am in bed so I will fall asleep with music in my ears... Somemore falling asleep in a relaxed mood seems much better than trying to force yourself to fall asleep just becoz you need to sleep...

I have been trying to look for Yiruma's CDs in SG but I cant find any.. most probably becoz I didnt look hard enough.. But Chester.. you're still good... *claps*

Whales eat Whales ~ Shocking Truth!!`

All along I thought whales despite their enormous size feeds on tiny creatures like plankton or krills..

I am shocked to find out today after watching the 1st episode of The Blue Planet that killer whales not only kill warm-blooded animals like fishes and seals.. they also kill turtles, otters, penguins and polar bears (all very cute animals to me)

Most importantly they kill whales!!! The 1st episode of The Blue Planet shows them killing a baby whale.. despite the mother frantic attempts to protect her baby whale.. there is practically nothing much she can do.. especially when the baby whale have no more energy to swim...(and the killer whales just keep chasing)...they tried to drown the baby whale by pushing it underwater so it cant breathe and the mother frantically try to support it above water.... and then one of the killer whale took a bite and the baby whale is dead....

Goodness.. how sad the mother is... she is pregnant with the baby for 13 months.. (that's what i thought i heard and remember - need to be checked).. and now that her baby is dead, she will have to carry on the migration journey alone... arghhh..

Anyway the killer whales after killing the baby whale only eats the lower jaw and the tongue.. then they swim away and leave the body of the baby whale floating in the middle of the water until it sinks and become the food of others in the deep ocean...

And the best thing of all, killer whale is the type of whales shown in Free Willy.. and the same type that we see in big aquariums.. alamak.. they kill whales for goodness sake...


(contributed by http://www.coolantarctica.com)

To know more, read this article.. http://www.seaworld.org/infobooks/killerwhale/dietkw.html

You will be shocked man... i am really shocked...

Dinner @ Long Beach Seafood Restaurant IMM

Yesterday me and dar went out for dinner with my parents, my bro and his gf to Long Beach Seafood Restaurant at IMM. Waited for dar to finish his RT before we drove with a carful of people in baby pica to IMM.. hahaha.. dun think baby pica is built to carry 4 people in the backseat. Thanks god me and Hui Teng are skinny.. hahaha

Anyway I didnt make any reservations because I thought there isnt any people.. in the end we were put onto the waiting list.. haha.. the hostess told us to come back around 8pm.. if not she will call me but in the end when we finished window shopping and made our way back, there was plenty of seats and no calls.. duhz..

1. Twin Combination Platter (jellyfish with abalone and roasted duck)
2. Shark Fin with Crab Meat in Superior Stock
3. Golden Stripes Lobsters
4. Chilli Crab
5. Steamed Garoupa
6. Dried Scallops with Spinach
7. Fried Glass Noodles
8. Pulau Hitam with Icecream

Dish 1, 2, 5, 6, 7 and 8 were good... in fact the fish was so good that even my dad who seldom eat steamed fish finished up the entire side by himself.. hahaha.. but dish 3 Golden Stripes Lobsters really sucks.. I actually wanna to change to Lobsters in Soup or something.. at least the taste of the lobsters will still be there.. but the captain said that is their main signature dish so i decided to stay with it.. in the end the lobsters were dry and chewy..

The chilli crab should be good la.. but because i think the kitchen is in the rush to go off work.. they came out with all the dishes at one go.. including the chilli crab.. so by the time we had it after finishing all the rest of the dishes, it is already cold.. what a waste...

The entire meal costs me $380+ bucks.. but I think it is worth it la..after all my parents seldom get to enjoy such luxuries...

Unlucky gal..

Once a fortune teller told me.. i am a bad mother in law in my previous life who poisoned and killed my own daughter in law.. thus this life i have to suffer and pay back my debt.. the only way I can redeem myself is to do more good and be a vegetarian.. I tried being a vegetarian before but i did it only for full 3 weeks (lunch and dinner was all tofu & vegetables.. got so sick of tofu after that).. I tried being a vegetarian on every 1st and 15th of the lunar month. but in the end i did not have any determination and pesistance to continue it for the entire of my life..

And I think I am indeed punished for whatever I have done in my previous life (although thank god I am born a human and not a beast)

I got scoliosis when I was young.. and for the rest of my life now.. I have to carry two metal rods which is screwed into my spine in my back... even though i can still walk, run, swim, talk, hear like normal... (already much better than others and i am gladful for that).. I have to be on my guard becoz even falling down the stairs in the wrong way can kill..

And now I have a suspicious lump in my breast... went for a breast biopsy called Mammotome today to remove the lump so they can send it to the lab to test whether the lump is cancerous.. the operation was only for half an hour.. they give me anesthesia to numb out the breast area where they are going to do a small cut and insert a probe/needle.. other than that I am pretty conscious.. you know something is going on.. you know there is a wound and a needle poking into your breast.. it is just that you dun feel the pain.. how great.. i rather be knocked out.. by alcohol or whatsoever.. just let me sleep throughout so I wun know what the hell is going on..

Anyway i went through the entire thing and now i am back at home with a swollen breast... and pain.. I seriously have quite a high threshold of pain.. but i just hate the pain that comes after anesthesia beooz it is those that really got you off guard.. it is like a while you are okay.. the next thing u know u have pain in a area when you know you never even hit or cut yourself in.. the nurse asked me to take panadol if the pain is really intolerable.. but I think i rather try and survive through it.. and live with it... you know why? Pain is something you can get used to.. as in if it is very painful the first day and you survived through it without any medications.. you will feel less painful the next day.. but if you take medication to numb out the pain.. you will still feel the pain the next day and the whole cycle of pain and medication will continue until the wound heals.. which is not really advisable.. relying on painkillers and panadol.. So i am just going to make do with it.. and hopefully tomorrow will be better

The best thing is the doc gave me 8 days MC!!!! I was damn surprised to look at my MC and see the number 8... i looked at dar and went "they give me 8 days MC lei.." and he went "huh!! really ah" while looking at me in disbelief.... hahaha.. In normal circumstances.. i think anyone holding on to a 8 days MC will go WOOHOO!!! For me.. my reaction is more of.. "for what??"... Siao.. 8 days of nua-ing at home.. with no nice TV shows to watch, no holidays to go, no websites to surf, no games to play, no shopping to do... just wake up eat sleep wake up eat sleep will drive me BONKERS seriously... I remember previously when i plucked out my wisdom tooth i got a MC of 5 days.. in the end i only utilised dunno 1 or 2 days then i went back to work... 8 days lei... what to do...?? Damn it.. if I know i will get a 8 days MC i can rest for 3 days (as specified by the nurse that I shouldnt move much for 48 hours after the opp) then book a 5 days trip... damn it.. that would be such a great plan!!!! After all I have 14 days MC which 8 days will make full use of half of it..

Wasted.. damn it...

What if I have cancer??

I seriously havent thought of that qns.. but there are some things in this world you will never know..

Watched a show in the morning and the female lead got cancer in the 3rd stage.. doc told her that she only have 3 months to live.. . treatment will only be to prolong her life not to cure... and she is the typical female lead who live her life happily and positively.. but such things got to happen to her... (typical of drama serials)... she decided to keep her illness to herself, didnt tell any of her best frenz including the one she love.. and she started finishing off whatever she need to do.. like handing over her business... spending time with her parents... telling her frenz to be happy etc...

And I thought to myself.. if I have cancer, what would I do??

Surely if it can be cured, I will go through any means to cure it.. but what if it cannot be cured?? What if it is already at the last stage?? Would i tell my frenz, my parents, my husband?? I remembered when i was in poly, our lecturer posted a similiar qns... what would you do if you are going to die?? I think everyone in the class said they will not tell the truth.. neither would they choose to hold on to the one they love.... i was the only one in the entire class who insisted on getting married to the one I love.. in order to fulfil my last wish... and it resulted in a debate between me and my classmates with regards to how selfish I am to hold on to the one I love even though I am dying...

Thinking about it now.. yes it is selfish.. what is my husband supposed to do after my death.. how sad and painful would it be for him to suffer the loss of his wife right after marriage....how long will he take to recover from the pain.. will he be able to move on in his life and marry someone else??

Would I have the courage and determination to keep it to myself and bleed internally by doing so... knowing that I wun be in this world, knowing that there is so many things that i havent get the chance to do, knowing that I wun be able to see the one I love, my parents and my frenz anymore... I still have to put on a false front and pretend that there is nothing going on... only to have all of them attend my funeral a few months later?? Would the hurt be there too??

Would it hurt more to tell or not to tell? Would it hurt more if I choosed to leave quietly with noone by my side?? Would it hurt more to see everyone in pain knowing that I will be leaving soon?? I wonder what my grandpa was thinking when he was lying on the sickbed struggling for his life?? Does he feel very upset to see everyone around him in pain and unhappiness because of his illness and yet there is nothing he can do... it seriously hurt to see him in pain but there is nothing i can do for him... to see his illness deteriorate day by day..at the beginning he still managed to cover up his pain and console me that everything is alright (even though I know is not..).. i guess at that point all he wanted was to spend more time with everybody while he is conscious.. but as he get worse.. he can no longer cover up his pain and it hurts everyone to see him in such great pain but there is nothing we can do to lighten it for him... at that point I think he can no longer recognise anyone... or perhaps he can but there is just no way he can express it to us.. if his mind is conscious.. i am sure lots of things are going through his mind... things he should have done.. things he shouldnt have done... I dun want to go through the same thinking process... because I know I still have alot of things i havent got the chance to do and fulfil...

So would it be better to die straight away or would it be better if you know ahead of time how much time you have left.. perhaps the latter might give you the chance to complete what you want to do... but the first option leave you without a choice at all.. neither do you have to go through the thinking process.. but the latter let you go through all the pain.. to see the pain ard you too... and most probably there will be so much things to do and you just cannot do enough then... for ex: you wanna spend more time with the one you love and your parents but you do not have enough time to do so...

Death is a natural thing in life.. one have to go sometime.. but how and when is the thing that people are scared of.. not death