I seriously havent thought of that qns.. but there are some things in this world you will never know..
Watched a show in the morning and the female lead got cancer in the 3rd stage.. doc told her that she only have 3 months to live.. . treatment will only be to prolong her life not to cure... and she is the typical female lead who live her life happily and positively.. but such things got to happen to her... (typical of drama serials)... she decided to keep her illness to herself, didnt tell any of her best frenz including the one she love.. and she started finishing off whatever she need to do.. like handing over her business... spending time with her parents... telling her frenz to be happy etc...
And I thought to myself.. if I have cancer, what would I do??
Surely if it can be cured, I will go through any means to cure it.. but what if it cannot be cured?? What if it is already at the last stage?? Would i tell my frenz, my parents, my husband?? I remembered when i was in poly, our lecturer posted a similiar qns... what would you do if you are going to die?? I think everyone in the class said they will not tell the truth.. neither would they choose to hold on to the one they love.... i was the only one in the entire class who insisted on getting married to the one I love.. in order to fulfil my last wish... and it resulted in a debate between me and my classmates with regards to how selfish I am to hold on to the one I love even though I am dying...
Thinking about it now.. yes it is selfish.. what is my husband supposed to do after my death.. how sad and painful would it be for him to suffer the loss of his wife right after marriage....how long will he take to recover from the pain.. will he be able to move on in his life and marry someone else??
Would I have the courage and determination to keep it to myself and bleed internally by doing so... knowing that I wun be in this world, knowing that there is so many things that i havent get the chance to do, knowing that I wun be able to see the one I love, my parents and my frenz anymore... I still have to put on a false front and pretend that there is nothing going on... only to have all of them attend my funeral a few months later?? Would the hurt be there too??
Would it hurt more to tell or not to tell? Would it hurt more if I choosed to leave quietly with noone by my side?? Would it hurt more to see everyone in pain knowing that I will be leaving soon?? I wonder what my grandpa was thinking when he was lying on the sickbed struggling for his life?? Does he feel very upset to see everyone around him in pain and unhappiness because of his illness and yet there is nothing he can do... it seriously hurt to see him in pain but there is nothing i can do for him... to see his illness deteriorate day by day..at the beginning he still managed to cover up his pain and console me that everything is alright (even though I know is not..).. i guess at that point all he wanted was to spend more time with everybody while he is conscious.. but as he get worse.. he can no longer cover up his pain and it hurts everyone to see him in such great pain but there is nothing we can do to lighten it for him... at that point I think he can no longer recognise anyone... or perhaps he can but there is just no way he can express it to us.. if his mind is conscious.. i am sure lots of things are going through his mind... things he should have done.. things he shouldnt have done... I dun want to go through the same thinking process... because I know I still have alot of things i havent got the chance to do and fulfil...
So would it be better to die straight away or would it be better if you know ahead of time how much time you have left.. perhaps the latter might give you the chance to complete what you want to do... but the first option leave you without a choice at all.. neither do you have to go through the thinking process.. but the latter let you go through all the pain.. to see the pain ard you too... and most probably there will be so much things to do and you just cannot do enough then... for ex: you wanna spend more time with the one you love and your parents but you do not have enough time to do so...
Death is a natural thing in life.. one have to go sometime.. but how and when is the thing that people are scared of.. not death
