My day started off gd todae.. but it ended real bad... My staff got a big cut from breaking a glass... in the end have to go hospital for stitches... dun ask me how she got that toopidz big cut that bleed nonstop... and in the end I got to write a report on what happened... and have to submit a claim for 200+ medical expenses... damn it...even I myself also dunno how she manage to do so... and this incident just simply put me in a foul mood for the rest of the days... becoz when one thing go wrong.. everything follows... and that is exactly what happen.. whatever my bf say.. simply pissed me off... so I say when I am in a bad mood.. just leave me alone... in fact he nv even say anything... he is just a bit too lagging and took such a long time to understand what I am saying.... somehow he nv understand anyway.... maybe my moods just change too fast like the weather or my personality and character is just too hard to keep track.... maybe I am better off alone by myself....... at least I just piss myself off.... and get myself all angry and frustered.... since noone can ever understand how I feel and what I do.... what I wanna hear and what I wanna do... maybe this way my life will work out easily too... becoz in fact I dun even understand myyself.. how do I expect others to understand me...?? not even my bf does.. forget abt the rest... noone do....
There are too much things on my mind now... my grandpa's illness, my mum who is getting herself sick and all worried about my grandpa... my work, my love life, my sickness etc... U noe what.. I think I noe what I wanna and what I need to do.. but I dun have the courage to do so... my family is a burden that I will have to carry no matter what.... I have to be strong for the sake of supporting the whole family.. I can't collapse becoz everyone might just crumble along with me..... especially for my mum.... I wanna spend more time with my grandpa... it hurts me to see him suffering due to the illness... it hurts to see that noone is willing to take care of him... as everyone is so busy with their own work and family committments.... it is sad when U have so many daughters and sons.... so many son in laws and daughter in laws.. so many grandchildrens but yet... so little ppl are truly by his side... so little ppl truly express their worries and concerns for him.... i gotten handover to mark.. and try and ensure everything will be alright in the store after I leave... and am very worried on how to break the news to the staffs... just two of them noe abt it now and they are already so very the upset abt it.. I really dunno abt the rest... maybe on my last day I will just end up crying and not bearing to leave the shop that I have grown to love and hate at the same time...
My love life.. what can I say..? It is true humans are nv and will nv be satisfied but am I really asking too much..? All I need is someone who cares for me.. who pamper me like a princess... who is always there for me whether I need him or not... someone who I can show the soft side of me and let my strong side take a rest... but I can't... to him I am always that independant ger that he promise to give freedom to..
