mISS mISS mY dARLING

Haiz.. didn't get to meet up with my darling yesterday because I got to go home and be a good ger... have to help out in some household chores... then I didn't get to talk much with my darling also because I was quite tired and not feeling very well yesterday so most of the times I was trying very hard not to doze off.... then darling went out for supper with his parents and relatives who just arrived in SG from Indonesia so I went to bed early hoping to be able to catch more sleep in order to cure my "unknown" illness... frankly speaking I have no idea why am I so tired when first of all, I didn't do much this entire week at work, second of all, I am working 9 to 6pm sharp, third of all, I have 6 to 8 hours sleep everyday.. why am I still so tired... I think it is just breakdown of my body functions.. hahahaha...

I think my mum is too greedy... considering that the past 2 weeks I have been going home alot more for dinner.. she is still unpleased with it... humans are just so hard to satisfy... I told her today I meeting one of my best female buddies for dinner becoz I need to get the basic theory book from her in preparation of my basic theory test.. she asked me why I have been going out with her recently? Hello.. in the first place I only met up with her once on Mon after like ages.... haiz.. complicated human emotions.....

To my darling..
Our love might have commas but there will never be a full stop... you might have reservist to go to, I might have to be away from SG during the new year... we might not be able to meet up that often after you and I both start work.. but our love will still remain unchanged... and strong.. dun worry k?? Miss miss ya as always...

New Year Resolutions..

OK.. the new year 2006 is coming.. time to set some new year wishes... heheheheh.... usually half the times, it doesn't come true, second it doesn't work.. third I nv follow.. hahahaha.. but haiz let console myself.. at least I make the efforts to set some guidelines for myself in the new year. Hehe

1. Find a relaxing office admin job (5 working days from 8am to 5pm)
2. Get my driving license which includes passing my basic and advanced theory and my TP. As my frenz, you should be wishing me luck considering I am a idiot when it comes to cars!! Haha
3. Go for a holiday in Korea, Nepal, Bintan or Australia. Me and my dear planning to go Ausssie in mid 2006 becoz just in time to see my frenz's baby arriving into this complicated world.. hehehe
4. Drink & smoke lesser. This resolution goes for U too darling... No more merlioning and no more talking rubbish and no more crab walking catwalk...
5. Get a start on my Sport and Wellness Diploma program.
6. A new wardrode for me and darling too.
7. Get married??? A well planned wedding?? We will see... hahaha
8. More freedom.. thinking of moving out... hmmmmm
9. World Peace!!! No more terriost attacks, no more natural disasters... no more deaths by the thousands and millions...
10. More money for shopping.. haahahaha...

This list will keep on going longer as we count down to New Year.. hehehe

Christmas...

I think I got short term memory problem.. wanna to come up and summarize my Christmas weekend.. but I kinda of forgetten most of it.. hahahaha.... terrible right??

23th December 2005
Went back to work... then off work around 6pm.. got to go home for dinner and be a good ger.. as usual darling came and fetch me off work.. hehehe

24th December 2005
In the mrning, stay at home for breakfast and lunch... then my darling came and fetch me... then we went to his house for a chit chat... while we confirm our next destination.... then around 6+ as we are not driving.. we meet up with Alex and ah Ger at WDL mrt control station... then go Yishun meet JX and Maggie... then go shopping for a while then we went to Chong Pang for dinner... hehehehe... then we went to Ginza!!!!! at around 8pm... then we started drinking.. order one Chivas Regal and one jug of beer... damn it.. dear drank quite a lot with Derick and guys... even before 12am... I taught Ger how to play bluff... then in the end she drank quite alot too.. worried abt her.. hahahaha... asked Alex to guard her just in case... then the merry christmas song start playing around 11.45pm.. then we already havoc in the Christmas mood le... hehehehe.. spray confetti and snow like crazy.... I kana sprayed like crazy.. luckily dear dear hugged me and protected me from everyone else.. in the end he himself become the snowman.. hahahaha... poor thing... then one of dear dear frenz got into a fight.. then he and JX became very busy trying to settle the things... then after that I got a bit dizzy becoz I drank Martell straight from the bottle.. so when dear finished settling the things.. although i am still conscious.. i dun dare to drink anymore martell liao.. scared i Merlion.. hehehe.. sad case.. hahahaha...then in the end me and darling we went back first... and we sat at the staircase chatting... and he walked home and i called him and we chatted all the way till 4+ in the mrning... nice heart to heart talk.. hehehe

25th December 2005
What did I do.. oh yah I think I slept quite late until 1+ in the afternoon.. woke up helped mum to cook noodles soup for lunch and curry chicken for dinner.. then after dinner.. me and dear went to Yishun dam..went for a walk around the dam... then we met up with Litque, Peiling, Ah Xiong and Jinlong and we had a chat about bikes, cars, insurance... everything under the sun.. hehehe

26th December 2005
Met up with Sui Hui and Xiang Ling for lunch at 1pm at Sakae Sushi.. chatted like nobody business... as usual.. 3 gers come together become a market.. hehehehe.. then we went shopping... window shopping.. then dear dear come and fetch me..... went looking for my basic theory book... but the queue super long so nv buy in the end.. then we went home... and watch TV.. wanna to meet with Ah Gong and Alex for dinner... but in the end when we realise that they wanna meet up too late liao.. hehehe.. we ta bao dinner and went home again.. another day over...

But after all final conclusion.. it is a nice Christmas.. hehehe.. tomolo got to go back to work after one week of long holiday... haiz.. sad case.. i dun wan...

Continuation...

Superb angry... all after I opened my company's emails.... spoilt my beautiful day today and spoilt my beautiful week... I dread going to work... and I dragged my feets to work.. so sorry to say.. and I got my darling superb pissed off also to see me get so stressed, irritated, frustered and angry over work... frankly speaking I have no idea why I worked until so late everytime... I think I deserve my break.. I deserve my Sat and my Sun and I deserve my public holidays and since the company is too poor to give me OT pay.. I think I deserve to go back home at 6 considering I went into office around 8am in the morning... but no.. for the past 3 weeks before I went on leave.... I am working from 8am in the morning to 8pm - 10pm at night...that is like more than 12 hours at work.... I am superb tired after 3 weeks.. really... I should put on a strike or something for inhuman practices in the company since the mgrs get to relax and yet the executives slogged their way through hell considering that the mgrs get a higher pay.. and a nicer position... and since I already quitted I have no idea why i still get so much shit... now I know why the employees who is leaving the company all threw their stuffs and goes.. I thought of doing a proper handover in the beginning too but at the rate.. hack la.. I am counting down to 9 days..

Me and my dear just drove all the way from WDL to Changi Village just to eat Subway.. hehe.. we had a craving for it for ages.. finally managed to get our hands on it today.. hehehe... so happy and satisfied... oh oh did I say I brought a wallet for my dear today as a Christmas present.. hehe I am proud of that wallet.. took a long time to choose it... and i think it is really nice and suitable for my darling... hehehehe...

To my darling...
Love ya so much.... I am glad we had a nice heart to heart talk today... hehehe.. I am glad that you are willing to open up ur heart and share with me stuffs that I am curious to find out and know but nv really wanna to ask... not that I am trying to dig into your past or whether your past matters or not to me.. but I just wanna to know becoz I wanna to be able to play a part in it too... But I am glad that we can be so truthful to each other... without being afraid of saying anything that will hurt each other feelings.. it is so blissful to have you by my side, to be in your arms always.... to have you as my protective shelter from my surroundings... Love ya...

At my darling's place...

Now at my darling's place... hehehe.. waiting for him to shower so we can go out for some nice dinner..i think we are driving out to get subway.. hehehe.. they better not tell us they are out of bread this time... so hungry...actually not hungry... just mouth itchy.. wanna eat alot of things.. as usual.. my fickle minded weakness start to show... steamboat... bbq... stingray... subway... nasi bryani..korean food... thai food...japanese ramen with extra chilli powder... curry fish head.. herbal chicken... pig trotter in vinger...chilli crabby!!! hahaha... hmm.. suddenly feel like eating anything that is hot... just went for tom yum soup and pineapple rice in the afternoon.. superb nice sia the tom yam soup.. hehehe...

On leave for coming to one week le.. hehehe.. enjoyable sia... rot and "nua" the entire week starting from Sat until now... 6 days of "nuaing" hahaha... everyday stick with my darling.. yesterday we went Orchard to look at the Christmas lights... and at the same time look for some Christmas presents for my collegues in the office... in the end we walked from 12noon to 10pm... legs so painful.. but still happy... hehehe... tell u a secret... this is the first time we went to Orchard Road after me and my darling be together for more than 2 mths.. can u believe it? We have been together so long but yet we never go Orchard Road before.. I have no idea what have we been doing for the past 2 months... hehehe... anyway yesterday my darling brought me an EYORE soft toy.. hehehehe... and today I brought him a wallet.. hahaha.. EYORE.. my favourite... hehehe.. then we brought 3 photo frames for my collegues.. I like them all... haiz.. can I also get them for myself... hehehe..

oOk Ok my darling is waiting for me to go out for dinner le ... i continue this update tonight ba... update U guys on what happen during my 6 days of "nuaing".. sad le.. got to go back to work tomolo... for one day.. then all the way "nua" until 26th.. hahahaha... yippess...

Hungry...

HmMmMmM... I suddenly have a very strong craving for steamboat... brought me back to the times in OZ where in winter times we love to cook steamboat for dinner.. becoz first of all it is easy to cook.. just pour the stock into the rice cooker, switch it on and everyone help themselves. hahaha.. second.. when u are having something hot in the cold weather... wooah.... always love steamboat since then.. hehehehehehe... but too bad I am a person with super no life because even though today is a Sun.. I am stuck in office conducting examinations.... sad case man...

But anyway this is the last examination term that I will be running... went to take a walk around the campus just now because my office is super freezing cold... suddenly got hit by those sad feelings of not bearing to leave this company... I mean yah there are some fucked up people and fucked up rules and regulations in this shit company but I have also met up with some nice people like my collegues... and afterall I'll been working in this company for so long.. at the beginning I just wanna to get a job which I can bury myself in work 24/7 so as to numb myself from the surroundings.. now that I am leaving.... I think I am going to seriously miss this place and some of the nice collegues that I have met.... going to miss running around for examinations... going to miss doing invilgilation.. hahaha...

Haiz.... I am falling asleep... quite tired after a long day yesterday... woke up at 7am because I am meeting my dear for breakfast... then work in the afternoon due to an examination, then worked straight to 9pm at night after which my dear picked me up from work and we went to Ginza to meet up a couple of frenz.... shocked and surprised to see a frenz of me and Leon there too.. hahah.. I think everyone must be thinking why Christina have so much frenz in Ginza.. hahahaha... anyway I didn't drink much yesterday.. just enough to quench my thrist... one glass of Chivas Regal with green tea (My cup has more green tea than Chivas.. dunno who mix it for me..) hahaha.. but anyway it was nice... then one glass of beer.. that's it... hahahahahaa... end of the day Cindrella went home to report to her cruel step-mother... hahaha... ok.. back to work...

scary thoughts...

Isn't it scary when one day U can say that U love this person forever and the next day U realise U no longer love him as much as U thought u do..

Isn't it scary when one day U realise that U dun really wanna to spend the rest of ur life with the guy U always thought U wanted to spend the rest of ur life with ?

Isn't it scary when one day U realise U can live on pretty fine alone without the someone U thought U can nv live without?

Isn't it scary when U realise that U have nothing to speak to the someone who U used to spend hours chatting on the phone with?

Isn't it scary if U realise one day that the person who is supposed to understand U the most actually do not even understand U at all..?

Today I thought back about my past relationships.. does anyone realise that big impact and phobia that I have with regards to BGR relationships after all that have happen?? I dun wish to lie to myself that I do not have any fears with regards to a BGR relationship... after all a 6 yrs relationship can vanish into thin air... what else cannot happen?? Until now I am still asking myself the question to what happen and when did that happen and why did that happen.. I wanted so much to find out the root of the problem so I can learn from it and not make the same mistake again.. like what my dear say.. we need to learn from experience so as to make sure that we dun repeat the same mistake again.. if not the same cycle will happen again and again.. that is what I am so scared of right now... suddenly words dun seem to make any more sense.. the word I LOVE U dun contain any particular meaning anymore... I have lost my trust... I have once again put up my defences to guard against my feelings... in order not to get hurt...

I have always been truthful to myself even though most of the times my thoughts are rather negatve,.. but hey that is me... I think about the good and the bad... and I concentrate more on the negative side of things becoz I rather get myself prepared for the worst consequences... and not get a shock when it really happen.. that is my way of getting myself prepared for the worst.. I convince myself that it might really happen... if it doesn't all the good for me.. if it really happen.. well at least I anticipate the worst.. I alays strongly believe in communication and honesty... in a relationship both parties should be able to communicate their true feelings and thoughts to one another.. be it good or bad, positive or negative... therefore I am able to communicate my feelings and thoughts so well.. I dare to express myself... becoz I am being true... I dun hide anything becoz I dun see any point of doing so... in the first place I should't be writing a blog then... Yes sometimes being humans we do think too much... and when you say it out.. it might lead to unnecessary confusion and thoughts..and thoughts snowball.. it might hurt the relationship even... but if U are not going to say it out...then the relationship dun even have the foundation of honesty.. and comunication... how long can the relationship last when the foundations are not even being laid properly from the beginning.

I am a simple gal who just want simple things in life.. I dun need condos, cars and credit cards.. all I want is just a nice family, a proper family life, a good career, having the chance to go travel every year... simple things in life.. no luxury expected... although once in the while we do like to pamper ourselves... with spas, massages etc..

25 days to Christmas

Today is the 6th December. roughly about 25 days to count down to year 2006. Eventful year for me I suppose... make a couple of big and shocking changes in 2005... I changed a job and I changed a bf...

But with the beginning of year 2006, I will start off with another change in job.. seriously going to miss my collegues but I just can't stand that school anymore.. the students get on my nerves, the school gives me bad nightmares and sleepless nights and it manage to worsen my already seriously bad temper... I feel so apologetic to my collegues (I think they might be glad that I am leaving that place in fact because they has less one grumpy and angry person to spoil every single one of their day).. really I feel damn apologetic to my collegues whenever I scream and bark at them for something that is not really their fault.. haiz.. what the hell has make me become such a bad person like this.... I noe it is pathetic wrong... I know I am wrong to do so... but haiz sometimes when u haven't had enough sleep and you haven't got a chance to eat ur breakfast, lunch and dinner, and you are working from morning until night, you just reach your limitations that you erupt like a super volcano.. uncontrollable, unpreventable.. hahaha... really.... I hope leaving that place do me some good...

I think it is partly due to my perfectionist attitude... too much of it makes a person crazy.. i went into that school thinking that I can try and reeduce the mistakes and error rate by reducing my own mistakes.. I thought as long as I reduce the mistakes significantly on my side, things will turn better... but I guess I am just seriously wrong.. even though you try very hard not to crop up things, ppl will still do you a favor of cropping up things for you... and in the end you just think that it is your responsibility to solve the problems and correct the mistakes because you wanted so much to reduce the error rates on your side and in the end you end up taking whatever shit that come along your way... I take it upon myself for some of the mistakes committed even though it is not entirely my fault in the first place. YOu start to go like "oh maybe if I check earlier before, this mistake could have been avoided". I wanted so much for things to go perfectly but apparently that is seldom the case... sad case.... in fact nothing in that school does... as much as I tried not too....

I met a frenz of mine from USQ Toowoomba Australia.. surprised to hear him say that he will be coming into my school to work.. shld have call me beforehand and I would have seriously advise him against that decision of signing upon that appointment letter... what to do.. and OMG.. he also changed his gf... bye to his gf for 8 yrs... I am shocked.. throughly shocked.. hahaha... but things comes and go.. what is yours will be your eventually.. what is not will nv be... so let fate and destiny control my life....

But I simply can't wait to leave that pathetic school.. counting down from today... the day I leave... i might become the happiest woman on earth when you know all the burdens and responsibilities have been lifted off your shoulders.. i am just someone who dunno how to play tai ji and act toopidz...