Once upon a time... there was a guy who love me very much... more than any one I have ever met... there was a time I thought I was hopelessly in love with him.. thought of marrying him and having kids... holding his hand until I grow old... there was a time I thought I want to be with him forever... to support each other and accompany each other every single min of my life... he was the one who understand me for all my moods, unhappiness or happiness... we were happy together.. we laughed, we smiled.. we have fun.. I was happy to hug and cuddle him to slp... but happy times dun ever seem to last long do they?? Slower by slower that strong love was eroded away.. by time.. by understanding.. by what I dunno... the next time U know it is gone... vanished with time into thin air... and we are both left with nothing but a wasted opportunity and chance... we used to be able to overcome so many things together... we did.. and we should be able to continue.. but I decide to let go.. suddenly I am too tired to keep on trying... I have no idea why... Not that i am regreting my decision but I just wonder what happen... I keep on finding a reason so I wun repeat the same thing again in the next relationship... But I can't find a reason... I can't convince myself why I decide to give up on what everybody thought was a perfect relationship... the break up shocked many people around me... they ask me why.. I can only say the love is no longer there... we become more like best frenz than lovers... but why..?? why would love suddenly disappear..? what caused it?? The tioman incident? Maybe.. haiz..
I'll been going back to office even on weekends and working 10hours a day.. not because I get gd pay for that.. in fact I dun... the truth is I do have alot of things to finish and being the forever responsible type I always try to finish my work on time... but the truth is I got nothing better to do... I dun wan to spend time sitting in front of my com finding games to play, blogs to read, webpages to surf.. or try and find frenz to go out to where do what... I have no idea.. another headache.. at least time in the office passess fast... so No life.. work slp eat... sound gd for me for now... at least time passes days fly pass... Mum thought I am working myself too much for that lousy company.. in fact I am not doing it for anybody but for myself... for a person like me who can't even differentiate between love and like, like and crush... I dun deserve a relationship, dun deserve someone who love me... dun deserve anybody to waste their time on... I will just be wasting someone else time and chance... as well as mine by committing into a relationship that will never have a proper ending... am I too hurt by my previous relationship...? I can't say so.. the person who is hurt is not me.. but I just think i can nv properly seriously love someone as much as they love me... I dun dare to commit into another relationship to realise that a few years down the road it will not work out... I got to start all over again...
