Haha.. I am neglecting my precious blog... because life is just as boring as ever. Nothing interesting, nothing fun, nothing miserable... Maybe this is the kind of life that I wanted... no ups and down, no relationships to worry about, no other people feelings to consider, no committment and no compromises.. it is just me alone in a small small world... really I don't think that is anything big deal now.. at least I get to be the selfish brat I always wanted.. haha.. yes to what I want, no to what I don't want.. haha.. but everyone keep on asking if I am alright.. haha.. what's wrong with me..?? I am really curious about what ppl really think about me man... hehe.. I thought all along everyone thought I am the strong independant gal who dont need any support or whatsoever.. even the security guard at my office who barely know me say the same thing.... kaos.. U know how upset I was when I hear that..?? Haha.. he told me.. "Your character better not be that strong because no guys would want you as a galfrenz.." Kaos.. what does that mean?? All I did was answer him no when he ask me if I got a bf and if anyone is fetching me home at 10+ late night... Hello.. is it a crime for a gal to go back alone at night around 10+ and have no guys or bf to fetch her hme.. anyway all along even when I have a bf I still go home by myself late night... upsetting incident... sad sad... as much as I wanted to be the soft gentle dependant gal who got no bones to support her body and must lean onto her bf where ever she goes.. no feets to stand on the ground and need her bf to carry her.. no hands to use and need her bf to feed her.. the eyes are like water taps.. once U turn on.. tears start flowing... they are so soft and fragile that one touch from others or one failure their entire life will collapse and crumble... their life are useless as compared to the word LOVE because once their bf break up with them, they will commit sucide or do something silly and get themselves hurt and into hospital... and make everyone else worried too.. U know I have saw a couple of cases like that in the past.. and I was telling myself.. OMG how useless can these ladies be.. such a disgrace to us man... really. Therefore as much as I want to be like them.. I can't do so.. because I don't want to be a disgrace to females, I surely wun give up my precious life for the word LOVE or anything else... I wun collapse and crumble from failures in life. Instead I will do just the opposite... I will become better and I will live a better life.. that is me... what my parents brought up to be...
I believe strongly in fate and destiny... what is not mine I wun hold on to it.. what is mine will sooner or later belong to me... as long as I try my best in whatever I do and I do what I like.. hack to what others got to say abt me and my life... If I ever like or love someone.. and that person dun like or love me.. I will wish him happiness... because I know even if I get him in person, there is no happiness in the relationship... I will rather let him pursue what he think it is his true love.. I will support him mentally and physically... as a frenz forever.. hehe.. so jiayou hor.. hehe.. ppl have been asking me the "regret" question.. frankly it is still too early to do so.. I am a very funni person.. I become a stronger person through failure and losses in life.. without that I nv know what I want.. true I am taking a very big risk because what i lost I might nv get it back...but life goes on.. regret this word will only come in death.. because only in death U will look back and see what U really miss.. because there is no more future to look forward to... but again there wun be any more time to regret either.. haha.. unless U are dying of slow illness such as cancer.. OMG.. I will check myself into a nunnery by then so by that time I will have learn to give up on everything in life so again there wun be any regrets because there is nothing precious to hold on to in this world.. hahaha.. ultimately.. it is back to square one.. yippess... I thought of the word before.. I am scared too that I make the worst decision in life.. but I will nv noe.. because now to me.. there is nothing more important than me myself and my family... I do suffer flashbacks.. but that is because of memories... I do wish for someone to be besides me.. but does it matter? It doesn't becoz I am still alive and kicking... haha.. live on baby.. life is more important than anything in life... I really dun wish to see anyone dying.. and I really dun wish to send off another of my frenz... or attend another frenz funeral.. it is the most depressing thing in life to see someone else give up their precious life for nothing more valuable than life...
