Early in the morning 8.00am.. on 29.07.05

Haha.. I am neglecting my precious blog... because life is just as boring as ever. Nothing interesting, nothing fun, nothing miserable... Maybe this is the kind of life that I wanted... no ups and down, no relationships to worry about, no other people feelings to consider, no committment and no compromises.. it is just me alone in a small small world... really I don't think that is anything big deal now.. at least I get to be the selfish brat I always wanted.. haha.. yes to what I want, no to what I don't want.. haha.. but everyone keep on asking if I am alright.. haha.. what's wrong with me..?? I am really curious about what ppl really think about me man... hehe.. I thought all along everyone thought I am the strong independant gal who dont need any support or whatsoever.. even the security guard at my office who barely know me say the same thing.... kaos.. U know how upset I was when I hear that..?? Haha.. he told me.. "Your character better not be that strong because no guys would want you as a galfrenz.." Kaos.. what does that mean?? All I did was answer him no when he ask me if I got a bf and if anyone is fetching me home at 10+ late night... Hello.. is it a crime for a gal to go back alone at night around 10+ and have no guys or bf to fetch her hme.. anyway all along even when I have a bf I still go home by myself late night... upsetting incident... sad sad... as much as I wanted to be the soft gentle dependant gal who got no bones to support her body and must lean onto her bf where ever she goes.. no feets to stand on the ground and need her bf to carry her.. no hands to use and need her bf to feed her.. the eyes are like water taps.. once U turn on.. tears start flowing... they are so soft and fragile that one touch from others or one failure their entire life will collapse and crumble... their life are useless as compared to the word LOVE because once their bf break up with them, they will commit sucide or do something silly and get themselves hurt and into hospital... and make everyone else worried too.. U know I have saw a couple of cases like that in the past.. and I was telling myself.. OMG how useless can these ladies be.. such a disgrace to us man... really. Therefore as much as I want to be like them.. I can't do so.. because I don't want to be a disgrace to females, I surely wun give up my precious life for the word LOVE or anything else... I wun collapse and crumble from failures in life. Instead I will do just the opposite... I will become better and I will live a better life.. that is me... what my parents brought up to be...

I believe strongly in fate and destiny... what is not mine I wun hold on to it.. what is mine will sooner or later belong to me... as long as I try my best in whatever I do and I do what I like.. hack to what others got to say abt me and my life... If I ever like or love someone.. and that person dun like or love me.. I will wish him happiness... because I know even if I get him in person, there is no happiness in the relationship... I will rather let him pursue what he think it is his true love.. I will support him mentally and physically... as a frenz forever.. hehe.. so jiayou hor.. hehe.. ppl have been asking me the "regret" question.. frankly it is still too early to do so.. I am a very funni person.. I become a stronger person through failure and losses in life.. without that I nv know what I want.. true I am taking a very big risk because what i lost I might nv get it back...but life goes on.. regret this word will only come in death.. because only in death U will look back and see what U really miss.. because there is no more future to look forward to... but again there wun be any more time to regret either.. haha.. unless U are dying of slow illness such as cancer.. OMG.. I will check myself into a nunnery by then so by that time I will have learn to give up on everything in life so again there wun be any regrets because there is nothing precious to hold on to in this world.. hahaha.. ultimately.. it is back to square one.. yippess... I thought of the word before.. I am scared too that I make the worst decision in life.. but I will nv noe.. because now to me.. there is nothing more important than me myself and my family... I do suffer flashbacks.. but that is because of memories... I do wish for someone to be besides me.. but does it matter? It doesn't becoz I am still alive and kicking... haha.. live on baby.. life is more important than anything in life... I really dun wish to see anyone dying.. and I really dun wish to send off another of my frenz... or attend another frenz funeral.. it is the most depressing thing in life to see someone else give up their precious life for nothing more valuable than life...

Photos...

Sentosa trip..17.05.05

Hello Guys!!... Long time no see.. hehehe.. Yah I haven't been updating my blog for a very long time.. hehehe.. Nothing to write on my blog.. because nothing much happening in my life.. hahaha... what else U guys wanna know.. work slp eat..? It will be too boring to write about what happen at work, what I ate for lunch and dinner today and what time I sleep at night right? That's crazy... hahaha

Anyway.. I went with a bunch of mates to Sentosa yesterday.. hehehe.. Woke up as early as 8am in the morning can you believe it..? It was raining in the morning.. how I wish the trip can be cancelled so that I can sleep a bit more.. in such a nice weather.. anyway it is Leon's birthday pre-celebration so being his mate for so long die die I have to drag my feet off the bed... hehe.... Met up with Shi An and Leon at WDL mrt.. as usual.. they are late for half an hour because SHI AN cannot wake up... he is a super slow coach sia.. hehe.. Both times we got to wake him up from bed... hehe.. the first time me and Leon went to his house and knocked on his door.. lousy fellow.. Anyway by the time we met Steven at Ang Mo Kio.. we are already late... then went to Harbourfront and met up with Mandy and Madeline.. Then Steven.. also another late fellow... kaos... their old habits nv change sia.. I haven't seen those guys like Darren for a super long time sia.. hahaha... Then we queued up for the bus.. super long again... by the time we reached the beach.. it is already 12pm.. and the beach is already crowded with ppl... haha.. anyway we did the usual things... swim, volleyball, soccer... there is no sun U know.. I dunno why I still get sunburn.. haha... where the hell did the sun come from... I played a fantastic game of volleyball.. at least no crooked ball this time.. yippess... Leon & Shi An lost!!!! Hahaha... boooo....

Anyway here are some photos for u Guys to see...

Once upon a time..

Once upon a time... there was a guy who love me very much... more than any one I have ever met... there was a time I thought I was hopelessly in love with him.. thought of marrying him and having kids... holding his hand until I grow old... there was a time I thought I want to be with him forever... to support each other and accompany each other every single min of my life... he was the one who understand me for all my moods, unhappiness or happiness... we were happy together.. we laughed, we smiled.. we have fun.. I was happy to hug and cuddle him to slp... but happy times dun ever seem to last long do they?? Slower by slower that strong love was eroded away.. by time.. by understanding.. by what I dunno... the next time U know it is gone... vanished with time into thin air... and we are both left with nothing but a wasted opportunity and chance... we used to be able to overcome so many things together... we did.. and we should be able to continue.. but I decide to let go.. suddenly I am too tired to keep on trying... I have no idea why... Not that i am regreting my decision but I just wonder what happen... I keep on finding a reason so I wun repeat the same thing again in the next relationship... But I can't find a reason... I can't convince myself why I decide to give up on what everybody thought was a perfect relationship... the break up shocked many people around me... they ask me why.. I can only say the love is no longer there... we become more like best frenz than lovers... but why..?? why would love suddenly disappear..? what caused it?? The tioman incident? Maybe.. haiz..

I'll been going back to office even on weekends and working 10hours a day.. not because I get gd pay for that.. in fact I dun... the truth is I do have alot of things to finish and being the forever responsible type I always try to finish my work on time... but the truth is I got nothing better to do... I dun wan to spend time sitting in front of my com finding games to play, blogs to read, webpages to surf.. or try and find frenz to go out to where do what... I have no idea.. another headache.. at least time in the office passess fast... so No life.. work slp eat... sound gd for me for now... at least time passes days fly pass... Mum thought I am working myself too much for that lousy company.. in fact I am not doing it for anybody but for myself... for a person like me who can't even differentiate between love and like, like and crush... I dun deserve a relationship, dun deserve someone who love me... dun deserve anybody to waste their time on... I will just be wasting someone else time and chance... as well as mine by committing into a relationship that will never have a proper ending... am I too hurt by my previous relationship...? I can't say so.. the person who is hurt is not me.. but I just think i can nv properly seriously love someone as much as they love me... I dun dare to commit into another relationship to realise that a few years down the road it will not work out... I got to start all over again...