I think I finally admit to myself today that I am missing the feeling of love.... the feeling of being in a relationship... the feeling of being loved by someone... the feeling of being pampered by someone and most importantly the feeling of physical touch. And when the missing feeling set in, I try to do something to occupy my time and my mind.... and try to find someone who is available to fill up the vacant spaces temporary... but I failed terribly... haha... becoz that still doesn't constitute to love.... but it is true that you still get pampered and you still get to experience the physical touch.. I admit.. I am very emotional... I need the feeling of physical touch to show that I am being loved... a simple hug sometimes do the job of consoling me... nothing much...
I was sitting at home watching Alias today and there is this part that shows the female and male lead who like each other but never show it out on the outside... finally getting together... and the lonely thoughts suddenly hit me again... U noe nowadays I really hate to have time by myself.... I hate to be alone.. I hate to have extra time when there is noone to go out with, nowhere to go and nothing to do... becoz it is at this kind of time that my mind start roaming and the missing feeling set in... just felt so pathetic and sorry for myself.. haha...
I dun think I will ever be able to say to someone I LOVE YOU. The word LOVE dun seem to be in my dictionary anymore... LIKE and LOVE in my heart is an ocean apart... they belongs to two different worlds.... I remember a guy telling me that the gers he like usually dun like him.. but the gers he dun like always like him... haha.. I happen to find out that I dropped into the second category box... haha... but it is ok... That feeling of rejection didn't hit as much as if you would have LOVE him... although I have no idea why I still just keep on thinking about him the whole day.. I must be crazy.. see that is what happen when you have too much time....
Is it enough if you just like someone and you continue into a relationship on that foundation.. I have no idea... Is it better if you find someone who truly understand you but someone who dun understand you at all... but slowly discover each other in the relationship? I used to think that finding someone who understand you will be much better than someone who dun... but sometimes too much understanding also become a problem and that is why some ppl choose to go for someone who completely dun understand at all... Which one is better which one last longer... noone will ever know....will I be able to find someone who can hold my hands and stroll down the beach at the age of 80+
