Seriously rethinking and reconstructing my life... there is just something very much wrong with it... I have everything a ger would want and ask for but I am not happy.. there is just something lacking in my life that is not giving me the happiness that I badly need.... but what is it? It is not that I am not satisfied with my life.. I am very satisfied with it.. but I am not happy?? Being satisfied and being happy in my life is just two very different things that U can't mix them together... even though ppl say U are not satisfied... U are greedy and that is why U dun treasure the present and still ask for more... and that is why U are not happy... maybe humans in life just keep on pursuing things continously that they simply ignore the present... and when that happens, u forever think something is lacking... and u continue to ur endless search for it...
I am not happy becoz I have no money, no shelter, no food, no love, no achievements... in fact I have them all... money doesn't play an impt role in my life anyway... I am proud of my own achievements... I have all the basic items in life... I have achieved a high enough education qualifications, I have done a job that give me a great sense of responsibility and achievement which ppl have high expectations of me to succeed in... ppl recognise in me my strengths and my achievements.. but there is something else.... I need a life I guess... my own life...
Frankly speaking.. I am like a bird in a cage for too long... I have become too dependant on others.. on my parents, on my frenz and on my bf that I no longer live life for myself... in fact even if u take off my chains and set me free from the cage, I dunno how to survive in the real world and will soon die... yet it seems like there is no point for me walking out of the cage that I have been so used to... since they are both the same... inside the cage I have everything but I long for a free life outside... but when I get the free life, I can't survive even for one day... i will die of loneliness... now I know how scary loneliness can be... and I scare to be alone... with noone to turn to... and that is the reason why even without chains.. until now I still do not dare to fly out of my cage... maybe u can say I have been too sheltered in my life.. by my parents and bf... now come to think of it.. it is true... ppl always see me as a independant ger who can well take care of myself...
admit it.. I am just a pathetic dependant ger who rely on others for support, help, care and concern and is terribly scared of loneliness... dun ask me where is that strong cheerful independant and happy go lucky me.. that is just a false front all along...
