Yah.. I need some friendship... some nice and strong companionship... someone to lend me a shoulder to cry on when I am upset, disappointed and depressed.. someone to let me lean on when I am tired, someone to move/push me along when I dun feel like using too much strength to walk or stand... someone for me to chat to when I need to talk... someone to bring me out at night when I feel like going to the beach to blow wind... or go driving around Singapore looking at lightbulbs... someone who knows my ups and downs... who understand how stressful my work is... someone who can give me solutions to my problems or even help me to solve them.... someone to pamper me with soft toys and gifts when I need some pampering.... someone to help me pick up my life again.... and fix it back together... someone who can help me to get rid of all my troubles and bad luck... someone to hug me when I need some tight hugging and loving... to tell me that everything is alright.... someone who can make me feel comfortable and smile... someone to hold me in the arms when I am tired and wanna fall asleep....
Am I asking too much or there is no such dinos in this world.....
Saturday, March 26, 2005
Friday, March 25, 2005
Sleepless Night
I just finished my payroll... supposed to go to slp becoz I am real tired but I can't... there is too much things on my mind..... dun talk abt work problems becoz it will always be there.... can nv solve it... so why think about it... although it is also one of the things on my mind... but I am trying hard to push it behind... my head is hurting.... having a serious headache...
I just realise how lonely I have always been... I have a lot of frenz.. but when I am down.. there isn;t any besides me to hear my stories.. I wanna to go to the beachside.. to have the wind blowing on my face... and let it blow my troubles away... wanna to go think things over... although there isn't much things that I wanna to think abt... be it I am trying to avoid the real world and facts ba... but the sad thing is.. I scrolled thru the entire hp contact list and there isn't anyone for me to call.. some with gfs... some busy.. some MIA, some aint that close to me... and I know some wun bother to come out so late at night.... do I still have my so called best frenz or buddies? So sad and lonely... I dunno whether I have been mixing with the wrong crowd from the very beginning or is it that from a very long time ago... it is only a one sided point of view with regards to my best frenz and buddies... or is it that I have lost them long ago... for so long have I been living in my own world... surrounded with nothing but thin air... ? Why dun I have anyone to call?? Why dun I have anyone to go out with?? becoz of work? becoz of my schedule...?? I haven't been out for a very long time thinking back... only with my bf... and my collegues.. no other frenz... going out with collegues we only talk abt work... who else can I talk with abt other things in life?? Maybe all along I have been hiding in my own tiny world, ignorant about anything going on around me... and that why I am so miserable now...
I just realise how lonely I have always been... I have a lot of frenz.. but when I am down.. there isn;t any besides me to hear my stories.. I wanna to go to the beachside.. to have the wind blowing on my face... and let it blow my troubles away... wanna to go think things over... although there isn't much things that I wanna to think abt... be it I am trying to avoid the real world and facts ba... but the sad thing is.. I scrolled thru the entire hp contact list and there isn't anyone for me to call.. some with gfs... some busy.. some MIA, some aint that close to me... and I know some wun bother to come out so late at night.... do I still have my so called best frenz or buddies? So sad and lonely... I dunno whether I have been mixing with the wrong crowd from the very beginning or is it that from a very long time ago... it is only a one sided point of view with regards to my best frenz and buddies... or is it that I have lost them long ago... for so long have I been living in my own world... surrounded with nothing but thin air... ? Why dun I have anyone to call?? Why dun I have anyone to go out with?? becoz of work? becoz of my schedule...?? I haven't been out for a very long time thinking back... only with my bf... and my collegues.. no other frenz... going out with collegues we only talk abt work... who else can I talk with abt other things in life?? Maybe all along I have been hiding in my own tiny world, ignorant about anything going on around me... and that why I am so miserable now...
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
Falling in & out of LOVE
I noe I got to do my payroll but it has been a very long time since I update myself on any recent happenings with my frenz so decided to come up and catch up with some of them... and at the same time wait for a silly ugly guy called Lawrence to finish his stock take and send me an email so that I can continue my work.... he is lucky that I have the bloody patience to wait up for him and that I am working in the mid shift from 12 - 8 tomolo....
Anyway.. came onto MSN and got some good and bad news.... some of my frenz just broke up with their gfs and bfs, some just got married, some frenz kid is one mth old this coming wed.. and some just fall heads over heels in love... so end up I got quite a mix of feelings after all.. happy for some but not for all...
I have this very good secondary frenz of mine... she and her bf used to stick together like sticky glue.... and all of us will really envy her relationship.. not becoz her bf was real gd to her but becoz she is really so damn gd to her bf.. like those who really listen to their bf... a perfect gf who maintain the relationship well... when I have problems with my relationship in OZ, she was the one who told me that once u get a gd guy, U shldn't let him go... becoz U might not be able to find someone as gd as him in the future... she used a bus theory which I remember very clearly... she say... when we are on this bus, we will think that this bus is lousy with no air con etc... we will always think that other buses will be much more better.. with air conditioning, cushioned seats blu blu blu... so we might choose to get down this bus and board some others... but when we board the other bus, we might come to realise that actually even though this new bus has airconditioning, it is damn packed and not as comfortable and cosy as the first one.. and we come to regret our decision but the first bus has already go off onto its own way and U miss it once and for all... it really make sense... she has always hold on to her own relationship believing that this bus is good enough for her and she nv wannna to alight it... no matter how gd other buses might be... even until now... on the verge of breaking up.. actually her bf went missing... no contacts no nothing... silent breakup ba I guess... i dun believe in crappy stuffs such as being too busy... dun give me such lame excuses... all I can say... this guy is not the right one... fate make it out this way.. all U can do is to let it go and move on to board some other buses... no use hanging on to this bus.. U will just get cuts all over u... Just tricks only Jackie Chan can do..
A frenz of mine just got married.. they sound happy.. and romantic... beginning of what I call a honeymoon period... I hope they are happily in love and be able to maintain it this way... two persons living a life together is not easy.... dun say forever.... sometimes long term relationships like my frenz wun even work out after some time... dun talk abt a marriage with even more committments, responsibilities, trust etc etc... a frenz of mine just become a father one mth ago... and now he is opening a dinner to celebrate... sounds like a happy father but behind those happy scenes he got to worry abt his child's expenses, his wife's expenses... considering that his pay is only abt 1000SGD per mth... and that he is only 19 years old... on my god... dun ask me to envy him becoz I can't.... U just dunno what U are getting urself into... this is a tough world to survive... and U still got to drag so many ppl with U... can't believe it...
A frenz of mine just got dumped... becoz his gf got a new bf.. actually I think she already got this bf when she is still with my frenz... make my frenz so sad but what to do... he nv open up his eyes and look carefully... and I told him before... young gers are nv easy to be with... arghh what the hell... love is a fucking toopidz word... I tell U... my frenz ask me.. can she find a better one... ? I told her.. I dun even noe the answer myself.... becoz for my case.. there aren't even a single bus travelling on the same road and journey that I am on... other than the current bus that I am taking... for 6 yrs..
Anyway.. came onto MSN and got some good and bad news.... some of my frenz just broke up with their gfs and bfs, some just got married, some frenz kid is one mth old this coming wed.. and some just fall heads over heels in love... so end up I got quite a mix of feelings after all.. happy for some but not for all...
I have this very good secondary frenz of mine... she and her bf used to stick together like sticky glue.... and all of us will really envy her relationship.. not becoz her bf was real gd to her but becoz she is really so damn gd to her bf.. like those who really listen to their bf... a perfect gf who maintain the relationship well... when I have problems with my relationship in OZ, she was the one who told me that once u get a gd guy, U shldn't let him go... becoz U might not be able to find someone as gd as him in the future... she used a bus theory which I remember very clearly... she say... when we are on this bus, we will think that this bus is lousy with no air con etc... we will always think that other buses will be much more better.. with air conditioning, cushioned seats blu blu blu... so we might choose to get down this bus and board some others... but when we board the other bus, we might come to realise that actually even though this new bus has airconditioning, it is damn packed and not as comfortable and cosy as the first one.. and we come to regret our decision but the first bus has already go off onto its own way and U miss it once and for all... it really make sense... she has always hold on to her own relationship believing that this bus is good enough for her and she nv wannna to alight it... no matter how gd other buses might be... even until now... on the verge of breaking up.. actually her bf went missing... no contacts no nothing... silent breakup ba I guess... i dun believe in crappy stuffs such as being too busy... dun give me such lame excuses... all I can say... this guy is not the right one... fate make it out this way.. all U can do is to let it go and move on to board some other buses... no use hanging on to this bus.. U will just get cuts all over u... Just tricks only Jackie Chan can do..
A frenz of mine just got married.. they sound happy.. and romantic... beginning of what I call a honeymoon period... I hope they are happily in love and be able to maintain it this way... two persons living a life together is not easy.... dun say forever.... sometimes long term relationships like my frenz wun even work out after some time... dun talk abt a marriage with even more committments, responsibilities, trust etc etc... a frenz of mine just become a father one mth ago... and now he is opening a dinner to celebrate... sounds like a happy father but behind those happy scenes he got to worry abt his child's expenses, his wife's expenses... considering that his pay is only abt 1000SGD per mth... and that he is only 19 years old... on my god... dun ask me to envy him becoz I can't.... U just dunno what U are getting urself into... this is a tough world to survive... and U still got to drag so many ppl with U... can't believe it...
A frenz of mine just got dumped... becoz his gf got a new bf.. actually I think she already got this bf when she is still with my frenz... make my frenz so sad but what to do... he nv open up his eyes and look carefully... and I told him before... young gers are nv easy to be with... arghh what the hell... love is a fucking toopidz word... I tell U... my frenz ask me.. can she find a better one... ? I told her.. I dun even noe the answer myself.... becoz for my case.. there aren't even a single bus travelling on the same road and journey that I am on... other than the current bus that I am taking... for 6 yrs..
Thursday, March 10, 2005
Updates....all in one
Haha.. I noe I haven't been on for a very long time.. there are alot of things that I wanna revamp about my blog such as adding a tagboard, changing the colour scheme... which I am getting quite sick and tired of... getting music... somehow my past music went missing... kaos... upset becoz I really like that song... but I simply dun have the time to do so.. so in another sense I have the time but I am too lz.. haha.. but todae is my off day so let make this blog a long long one.. haha...
Just went to Woodlands Polyclinic for a routine check up and a blood test.. I think I haven't been to that polyclinic ever since I left for Australia... calculating back to about 2 or 3 years ago.. anyway I was confused about where to take queue number where to make payment etc.. not that I dunno how to read English but becoz instructions simply wasn't handed down properly but anyway I got my way thru.... the entire checkup took me 3 hours can u believe it.. in which I spent like 2 hours waiting for my queue number at 3 different locations.. kaos... first the doc, then the lab, then to fix my next appt date and time... dunno why there are so many polyclinics in SG and it is never enough to service all the singaporeans fast.. and why are there so many ppl falling sick everyday....
My "wishing to go travelling" illness is coming back again.... although I just came back from Bangkok end of last mth... I think I haven't got enough of the aeroplane ride, the shopping sprees and others.... but I can't take leave even though I have plenty... and I got no more capital... but anyway I am giving myself some motivation to move on by planning my next few trips to Pulau Redang in May, Korea in Oct and Taiwan in Dec or Jan next yr... haha.. yippess.. so so looking forward to them.... I noe I am planning too far ahead of time when I dun even know what is going to happen tomolo.. but such holiday trips.. it is always better to have a plan so that I can start saving my money... and accumulating my leave balance... haha... but I got some advice from a temple lady that I always go and pray in KL that I am not supposed to go travelling anywhere btw Sept and Dec.. she say there will be misfortune happening if I go travelling btw those months... OMG.. but I badly wanna to bring my family to experience the beautiful scenary and autumn weather in Korea in OCT... how????
My last trip to Bangkok... consists of endless shopping sprees from day to night... I actually woke up at 9.30 in the morning just to go shopping.. and breakfast of coz... I can't believe I am so hardworking.. hahaha.... anyway from the clothes that I buy... I can see my character and taste for colours and clothes have changed throughout the years due to age and what else.. I dunno.. Anyway I brought a lot of colours like green, yellow, pink, purple and of coz black and blue... and I brought clothes and skirts with flowery prints and stuffs... frankly speaking... give me flowery printed pink or purple skirt 2 yrs ago I will straight away throw it into one corner of my wardrode without even looking at it... a few years ago my wardrode only consists of plain shirts, pants, skirts and jeans of 3 colours... black, blue and white.. no others..... not even oone piece of brown clothing dun mention stockings of coz... recently on Monday my mum washed up all the clothes that I brought from Thailand and she was also surprised at the variety of clothes that I brought... but she laughed and say I am becoming more ah soh as my age goes by.. becoz only ah sohs like to wear flowery prints..... what rubbish.... at first my BF objected to me buying some of the skirts and clothes becoz he say given my character and preferences I wun wear them... impulse buying only... I tell u I will prove everyone wrong...... I will wear it out... when I got the time.. anyway due to the shopping sprees in Bangkok.. I am going to request for a bigger wardrode.. one of those push doors type becoz my old wardrode is full..... all the clothes are so squeezed together hanger to hanger.. no use ironing also becoz it will still turn up like salted vegetables... but I am happy.. hahaha.... new clothes new skirts.... new bag... yah my mum also say the bag that I brought is like those bags that ah sohs bring to the market when they go buy vegetables in the morning... haiz... am I really getting old or wat???
How I wish I can go travelling everyday... my mum hear me say that everytime so she suggest for me to go and be a tour leader so everytime I get to lead group to overseas.. some sort similiar to travelling for holidays anyway... I told her it is crap.. travelling for business in the sense of leading a group and travelling for leisure are two very different things man... one U get to enjoy and the other one U get to see ppl enjoy... one get to eat good food and one get to see lousy food.. one get to sleep in good hotels one maybe have to sleep in the staff quarters... I will seriously rather travel for leisure even though it mean cutting down on my trip frequency... at least I know I will enjoy myself without having to see and hear ppl complain about the food, the hotel, the bus, the rooms and the itinerary...
ok.. it is 1.16pm in the afternoon.. I need to go and have my lunch.. have a shower and wait for my frenz cum collegues to go off work at 3pm becoz I am meeting him to go Johor together..... got to go and get ready.... so to the next update.. take care.. hehe
Just went to Woodlands Polyclinic for a routine check up and a blood test.. I think I haven't been to that polyclinic ever since I left for Australia... calculating back to about 2 or 3 years ago.. anyway I was confused about where to take queue number where to make payment etc.. not that I dunno how to read English but becoz instructions simply wasn't handed down properly but anyway I got my way thru.... the entire checkup took me 3 hours can u believe it.. in which I spent like 2 hours waiting for my queue number at 3 different locations.. kaos... first the doc, then the lab, then to fix my next appt date and time... dunno why there are so many polyclinics in SG and it is never enough to service all the singaporeans fast.. and why are there so many ppl falling sick everyday....
My "wishing to go travelling" illness is coming back again.... although I just came back from Bangkok end of last mth... I think I haven't got enough of the aeroplane ride, the shopping sprees and others.... but I can't take leave even though I have plenty... and I got no more capital... but anyway I am giving myself some motivation to move on by planning my next few trips to Pulau Redang in May, Korea in Oct and Taiwan in Dec or Jan next yr... haha.. yippess.. so so looking forward to them.... I noe I am planning too far ahead of time when I dun even know what is going to happen tomolo.. but such holiday trips.. it is always better to have a plan so that I can start saving my money... and accumulating my leave balance... haha... but I got some advice from a temple lady that I always go and pray in KL that I am not supposed to go travelling anywhere btw Sept and Dec.. she say there will be misfortune happening if I go travelling btw those months... OMG.. but I badly wanna to bring my family to experience the beautiful scenary and autumn weather in Korea in OCT... how????
My last trip to Bangkok... consists of endless shopping sprees from day to night... I actually woke up at 9.30 in the morning just to go shopping.. and breakfast of coz... I can't believe I am so hardworking.. hahaha.... anyway from the clothes that I buy... I can see my character and taste for colours and clothes have changed throughout the years due to age and what else.. I dunno.. Anyway I brought a lot of colours like green, yellow, pink, purple and of coz black and blue... and I brought clothes and skirts with flowery prints and stuffs... frankly speaking... give me flowery printed pink or purple skirt 2 yrs ago I will straight away throw it into one corner of my wardrode without even looking at it... a few years ago my wardrode only consists of plain shirts, pants, skirts and jeans of 3 colours... black, blue and white.. no others..... not even oone piece of brown clothing dun mention stockings of coz... recently on Monday my mum washed up all the clothes that I brought from Thailand and she was also surprised at the variety of clothes that I brought... but she laughed and say I am becoming more ah soh as my age goes by.. becoz only ah sohs like to wear flowery prints..... what rubbish.... at first my BF objected to me buying some of the skirts and clothes becoz he say given my character and preferences I wun wear them... impulse buying only... I tell u I will prove everyone wrong...... I will wear it out... when I got the time.. anyway due to the shopping sprees in Bangkok.. I am going to request for a bigger wardrode.. one of those push doors type becoz my old wardrode is full..... all the clothes are so squeezed together hanger to hanger.. no use ironing also becoz it will still turn up like salted vegetables... but I am happy.. hahaha.... new clothes new skirts.... new bag... yah my mum also say the bag that I brought is like those bags that ah sohs bring to the market when they go buy vegetables in the morning... haiz... am I really getting old or wat???
How I wish I can go travelling everyday... my mum hear me say that everytime so she suggest for me to go and be a tour leader so everytime I get to lead group to overseas.. some sort similiar to travelling for holidays anyway... I told her it is crap.. travelling for business in the sense of leading a group and travelling for leisure are two very different things man... one U get to enjoy and the other one U get to see ppl enjoy... one get to eat good food and one get to see lousy food.. one get to sleep in good hotels one maybe have to sleep in the staff quarters... I will seriously rather travel for leisure even though it mean cutting down on my trip frequency... at least I know I will enjoy myself without having to see and hear ppl complain about the food, the hotel, the bus, the rooms and the itinerary...
ok.. it is 1.16pm in the afternoon.. I need to go and have my lunch.. have a shower and wait for my frenz cum collegues to go off work at 3pm becoz I am meeting him to go Johor together..... got to go and get ready.... so to the next update.. take care.. hehe
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