Tired, Angry, Disappointed & Upset... when all the different feelings got mixed together.. it only result in one thing: blankness and denial... that is actually what is happening now to me... I dun wish to think and dun wish to talk... especially dun feel like forcing myself to smile or laugh.........
I got so angry at work today.. but me being me.. I will nv scold someone.. but the scolding will be written all over my face... my face will look damn black... it is so clear until U are a woodblock... and keeping all that underneath make my moods accummulate.. and with that it snowball and become bigger... resulting in me showing my temper on ppl who totally have no relations with what causes the problem..... normally ppl just back off.. which is the total clever move... becoz I just need some space to quiet down... and think properly.....
I thought with 6 yrs.. understanding will be deep... but I guess I am wrong... actually understanding at my side I realise is little too... so who can I blame..? I admire ppl who get married after a 1 or 2 yrs relationship... they think they are made for each other..... are they?? how deep is their understanding of each other..?? How well do they noe each other?? I really doubt it.... if they are really made for each other... from the bottom of my heart I wish them all the best..... really... there are couples outside who got married not even knowing each other and they are able to hold hands until they die... I admire them.... but nowadays there are more and more couples getting married after 1 or 2 mths or yrs and their relationships nv last... even with my 6 yrs relationship.. until now.. I think it is still shaky... what is 1 or 2 yrs??? really b4 u get married.. u shld really ask urself the ulitmate qns... do U really think U are made for one another??? It is a bond forever..... no longer a relationship that U can step in and out of.. it comes with even more responsibilities, honestly, committment, sharing, care and concern, trust blu blu blu..... there will be cars, houses, money and even babies to worry about.... it will no longer be the "Oh darling, today I am free.. let go out for dinner, watch a movie, shopping and go home.. I will call u when I reach home and we chit chat until we are tired and go slp..". It will nv be as simple as that.... as much as I admire marriage... I dun think I will be brave and ready enough to go into it... for the fear that my perfect relationship be spoilt...
In a period of 6 yrs... u would think that lots of things would have grown with it... the relationship, the trust, the understanding of each other, the care and concern blu blu blu... but frankly I dun see that happening.... be it I am negative... to me.. It seems to be more stagnant than growing... haha... I must be crazy... so I say sometimes when humans hold on to something for too long.. it will be taken for granted... becoz U have the maximum of what U can have... there is nothing to grow from it anymore.. just like a tree that have grown to its max height.. no matter how u stretch it.. it will still be that tall... back to square one always........... that is the problem of a long term relationship.... everyone go thru the same pharse I guess... or is it just me?????????
