No one is born to know how to be a mum. It is something that you have to experience and learn as you go along.
I was almost on the brink of falling into post natal depression when Gerald was born, being weighed down by the guilt of not being able to take care of him physically from the beginning, the guilt of not being able to breast feed him and the disappointment of not having enough support for me to continue to breast feed. I was very emotional and crying over every little things and staying away from Gerald just in case my depression got the better of me.
Being a new mother i didnt know what to expect. I have high expectations for myself being some one who has a very strong character. I thought things will go the way i thought and wanted it to. To realise nothing went the way i thought. And i just got angry. Angry that no one is saying things i want to hear, doing things the way i want to be done.
Thinking back now, everyone just want the best for gerald and me. I am glad i didnt do anything stupid. I still feel guilty for not being able to breast feed Gerald till now. But that cannot be changed. Slowly i will become better because i just want the best for my baby.
