I dunno why am I feeling this way...
But with soooo many people such as colleagues, neighbours, aunties, uncles, relatives, grandmas asking the question of when am I going to give birth every single day... I suddenly feel like the pressure is on me to deliver and perform..
Not deliver the baby.. but deliver a promise of a cute little chubby baby boy who everyone want to see or go ooomph over... it is like everyone is on standby to see the baby and criticize him... oh he is sooo cute.. oh he has so much or so little hair... oh his hands are so chubby... oh he has a birthmark... and the list goes on... he will become the main conversation topic of everyone... grandma to auntie... auntie to uncle... auntie to auntie... and neighbour to neighbour.. everyone will be going "did you see her baby.... he has this this this or that that that..."
And inside my brain there are thousands of "what if..." going on...but noone else seem to have thought of the "what if..." except me... everyone seem to think that by the time I deliver, they will see a cute little chubby baby.. and that's it.
I know I am jus thinking too much and I know I need to relax.. but as the day get closer, my thoughts just started snowballing.. and now it is at its ultimate peak where I can't help but fall into the deep valley of anxiety and frustration... I have been carrying the baby for 39 weeks now and now the happiness of looking forward to a baby seems to have turned into distress.. and expectations has risen so high that I am not sure if I myself can deliver.... or maybe those expectations are put in place by me myself.. I dunno... it jus seem like I and many others have a set of expectations for the baby that I need to fulfill and I am jus worried I might not be able to reach them... that's all
