I have 3 Ah Gongs. One passed away when I was young, one passed away dunno how many years ago..(I dun even bother to remember the date he died becoz he was nv nice to me anyway).. and the only Ah Gong that is close to me passed away last Tuesday 4th December 2007. I know he is seriously ill, in fact I know he is going to die... but still the news of his death still came as an deep impact..
When I was young and staying over at my ah gong's place, I used to wake up damn early in the morning.. whenever the cock starts to call around 5.30am in the morning.. that is usually the time my ah gong will go to the market to buy veggies as well as have coffee and dim sum with his frenz.. and he will always hold my hands and bring me along with him.. even though I have no idea what he and his frenz were speaking about then,I always followed him down town to have coffee and dim sum..
When I went overseas to study, he forked up his savings to help with my expenses. Before I went overseas, he gave me a huge ang bao.. That is the reason why after I started working, I insisted on giving him an ang bao everytime I go back.. but too bad I didnt have the chance to give him a lot before he got bedridden and seriously ill...
When he has his operaton in KL, I took emergency leave to go up to KL to take care of him overnight... I knew I have to do something for him.. and he kept asking me to sleep in the middle of the night.. even though he was too uncomfortable to sleep himself..
When I got to know the news on Tues evening, I was damn regretful that I didnt go up to see him over the weekend.. and he passed on with no one by his side... I booked my bus ticket for this weekend.. but too bad he couldnt wait till then... and I thought he could wait... but I was wrong... I don't care what other people have to say, I know myself I have to do something for him... after all he is the closest Ah Gong I ever had... and his death was the first one ever in my life that I feel how sad it is to lose a loved one...
Tues night, I rushed back to my ah gong's place together with the rest of my aunties, uncles and cousins... I didnt cry that night after seeing his body... but for the few nights, I sat beside his coffin burning papers for him.. hoping he will move on smoothly...
On the second last night, they were doing rituals for ah gong, there was a huge thunderstorm with lightings outside while I was inside sitting besides my ah gong coffin buring papers.. there was a blackout... for that moment, I thought he is back to see me... I started crying... everyone else did.. becoz we all know ah gong's wishes are not being fulfilled.... and I know one of them is mine... my wedding is just 1 mth plus away and he couldnt wait for me to announce the good news to him... I didnt tell him.. becoz I know if I were to tell him, he will try to pull through to January and he is already very sick, ill and in so much pain... and it hurts me too much to see him try and pull himself through just becoz of me.. I told him that day and it started raining... I know he blamed me for not telling him.. but it is too late now...
On the day of the funeral, I was sobbing the whole way through... everyone was asking me to let him go.. but I can't... from a healthy man, I see him become ill and skinny... to him dead in the coffin and now I have to send him off into the ground..and all I have is a picture of him in the house... that is just too much for me to take... I still cant believe he is dead... I havent done enough for him yet... I havent fulfil his wishes for me... and it is too late for me to do anything now... now that he is gone..
He got himself a nice funeral ground.. overlooking the sea high up on the hilltop... I am sure he has met up with his parents as well as my second uncle who has passed on... and I am sure he is enjoying himself now... I told him to take good care of himself.. now that we can't look out for him anymore... I am sure he will be looking out for us from heaven or wherever he is..
Always Remembering You... my beloved Ah Gong...
