EVENTFUL WEEK...

the past week had been a rather eventful week for me.. so pls forgive me for not posting on my blog.. i just simply didnt have the mood neither do i have the time...

22th July will be a day i will always remember... i was out having lunch with Xiang Ling while waiting for my darling to go off work... he called me when we are at Swensen to tell me that he is already off work but going to the bike shop first to change his brake hoses... sounded like any normal saturday as usual when he will pop by the bike shop to change some parts or do some shopping before coming back to woodlands to pick me up.. so me and Xiang Ling went window shopping... when i received his call, i thought he already reached woodlands.. when i heard the sentence "dear i got an accident".. i sweared i thought it was a joke... but realising that my dear will nv joke abt such things... i asked him how was him? I feel so helpless.. i dunno what to do... my mind just went blank and all i can say was to ask him where is he, how is he feeling and whether he called ah xiong already.. i know ah xiong will rush down immediately while i can't... later ah xiong called him and he hanged up with me..

i was walking around causeway point with Ling still but i totally have no mood for shopping... i just keep on thinking and consoling myself that if he can call me still, he shld be alright... he told me his leg is very painful but there is no blood so it shld be ok.. at least he is conscious... then the thoughts shifted to the bike.. oh no.. i really love the bike... and it is going to cost alot to repair it... then i shaked myself.. what the hell.. as long as he is alright.. who cares abt the bike... as long as he is fine... i knew something like that might happen someday.. but i nv thought it will really happen.. a little bit of denial.. then i thought.. thanks god i am not with him... if not things might have been worse... and he will be damn worried abt me... then i thought what should i do... thoughts are just running through my mind as i walked endlessly aimlessly around causeway point..

then darling called me to tell me that he is in an ambulance going to Tan Tock Seng... immediately i rushed down to the cab stand to get a cab there... I think i got Xiang Ling a little bit worried then... thanks for her support anyway.. she accompanied me to the taxi stand and keep on telling me that he shld be ok... reached Tan Tock Seng A&E dept.. toopidz hospital conducting SARS check.. i got pushed here and there... considering that i have never stepped into that dept and i seriously dunno what is going on and where to look for my darling... i got into a panic.. the nurses took my temperature, passed me a paper with my temperature written on top (crazy fools.. tell me what is that piece of paper for? to show everyone i see?.. dumb).. i tried to barge my way through and the security guard at the entrance to the clinic told me i couldnt go into the clinic yet... need to register before they will check for me where is him... pissed.... went to the counter, registered and bumped into his parents... i think for a moment they are relieved to see i am ok.. and not with him at the accident.. then the nurse at the counter passed us a sticker.. and said only one person can go.. so of coz the dad got to go.. so i sat outside waiting...

darling was so pathetic.. he called me and asked me where am i.. i told him i am stuck outside the clinic.. can't go in.. heard from him and his dad abt how bad his leg was... chatted with his mum and AhXiong who I met up with while we are waiting outside... anyway we waited in the hospital till 6+ before i saw him for the first time...so relieved to see him.... but i think ultimately i am glad my darling is safe and ok... need to go Guanyin Temple to pray pray... thank you for keeping him safe and sound...

I WISH I AM DEAD....

today for the very first time in my entire life, i wish to die... to end my life once and for all.. not that i do not have the courage to live on... but becoz life is really meaningless... i am a failure... i am born a failure.. i am only in this world to repay the debts of my previous life.... the debts that i have owned to so many others...

today for the first time in my life.. i wish death is the ending to all my misery....i want you to bear this guilt for the rest of ur life..........

15TH & 16TH JULY 2006

Me and darling woke up at 8am.. can u believe it? Haha.. supposed to make a bike trip into Malacca for a 2 days 1 night trip.. but in the end backed out last min due to safety reasons... realised it is not very safe to go in alone (just our bike alone) even though we already have everything (full face helmets and armour jackets) ready. Soo since we are already wide awake.. we decided to go into JB to pump petrol... came back to my house to pick up my passports... then rided straight to Tuas second link... checkpoint all clear.. woo hoo.. hahaha... went to the petrol kiosk.. pumped petrol... get some beverages while we finished our smokes... then came back to SG... went to somewhere near Little India to eat mee as we want to go bike shop to look for a flip up helmet for me...my lousy cheapo helmet spoilt again.. haha.. in the end.. we managed to find a cheaper alternative.. hahaha.. instead of spending $150 for a flip up helmet.. we spent $6 to replace the plastic board that is spoilt on my helmet.. hahaha... my darling is so clever...

After fixing my helmet.. we decided to ride to Marina South to check out the new pier built in replacement of Clifford Pier... wah the new pier has a roof top garden over looking the sea... so beautiful.. we took some nice photos...





From Marina South we went to Bugis Junction to pray pray at Guanyin Temple.. darling said since we already nearby... might as well go there to pray pray so there we went... took a walk to Sunshine Plaza after that as darling wanted to buy a compass for baby divvy... brought the compass.. then walked to This Fashion as I wanted to find some new clothes for my wardrode.. but in the end... came out with none again... all the clothes are so tight and ugly.. yucks... by that time my legs are breaking le wor... hahaha... walked so much in one day sia.. oh yah me and darling almost got knocked down by a trishaw while crossing at green light!! I think both of us was so pissed about it lo... imagine all along we ride bikes nothing happen.. now walk on the road crossing at green light kana knocked down by trishaw... one trishaw came dashing behind me... so we turned and stared at the trishaw rider angrier... never even say sorry just smile and ride off like nobody business.. then turned and realised another trishaw is just about to bump into us.. i sweared i almost wanted to scold all the vulgar languages that I know and give that uncle a punch on the face....

anyway after that we decided to come back to Yishun.. need to pick up two bottles of cleaning liquid and oil for baby divvy air filter... sat there for a chit chat with Ah Xiong before proceeding home... wah me and darling super tired sia.. we almost fell asleep on the sofa... hahaha... actually i went over to lie down on the bed first.. super tired... so i fell asleep first before darling joined me... slept until abt 7+.. showered then went over to 211 coffeeshop for sambal fried rice and beer with Ah Boon and Ah Xiong.. hahaha.. as usual drink lo... a bit not on form on that day.. darling will say I am not on form everyday.. becoz I vomitted when i came home!!... wah so pai seh sia... i wanted to try and force myself to sleep.. but in the end I managed to make myself feel worse... woke up with a serious and heavy headache and so haiz... can't avoid the vomitting in the end...haha.. darling panicked.. hahaha.. feel so bad...

Anyway it was a fruitful day for me and darling.. hehehe.. to be continued...

Sunday we woke up real late.. of coz la.. i drank so much i am glad i didnt wake up with a bloody hangover.. anyway i didnt drink much also.. hahaha... i think i can still roughly count the sips i had.. hehehe.. woke up ard 11.30am.. darling ended up sleeping in the living room sofa becoz the room is simply too hot man... hot, humid and stuffy... woke up sweating can u believe it... anyway i did tea and coffee for both of us.. surfed the net for a while.. made our way to blk 136 for super oily fried kway tiao... wah.. it is sooooo oily until both me and darling cannot finish.. just like u are drinking oil... after an oily lunch.. we went to meet up with Ah Xiong.. wash bike time!!! Haha.. darling want to wash his oil filter... so Ah Xiong came over to help him with the washing.. dun look at me.. i did wash baby divvy tank bra.. but with regards to the rest of his baby divvy i have no idea what is going on... finished abt 5 coming to 6 i think.. so went home for a short nap.. woke up and it is oredi 7pm... time just flies...... showered then went out for dinner at blk 302... again the mee hoon kway sucks... kaos.. two horrible meals in one day.. yuckz... after that we went to the beach for a chat.. hehehe.. ended up getting beaten by ants... and finally we decided to take some nice photos of our baby divvy and us... haha

GETTING MARRIED...

last year i attended Wenliang and Tammy's wedding in Nov.. during my birthday somemore... just attended the baby one month anniverssary last month... Wenliang showed his fatherly love when he hugged the baby... such a nice picture..

Yongsheng and Lynn also got married... can't remember was it last year or this year... but yah it is around this season...didnt attend that wedding at OCC.. only darling went with Junxian they all

i think somewhere this year i attended my cousin's wedding in Batu Pahat.. can't really remember when was it...

Roberta got married on the 29th May 2006 in Australia.. didn't manage to attend that overseas ceremony... she got a baby boy named Deejay Warren Buridge..

last sat went to Huiqi and Yingyao's ROM chalet... just saw some of the photos on her blog... she looks very "xin fu" & happy... actually i really envy them alot...

this dec... one of my best pals in poly Eying is getting married also... hmmm.. it came abit unexpected but still she has all my blessings...

when is it my turn? Haha..

my office is located above at a stretch of bridal salons.. at first i am still very excited becoz i get to see different designs of wedding gowns everyday... dunno why recently it starts to get a little bit depressing... especially whenever i saw a gown that is really nice & beautiful, i start to look a bit excited.. the uncle / auntie will ask me when am i getting married.. am i interested to take a look... haiz.. then everytime u get to see couples taking their wedding photos... imagine how sweet they look, they always have this rosy & bright look for being happily in love.... then every night i go off work, there will be a row of cars up for decoration in preparation for the next day wedding... then occasionally weekends.. u see couples outside the bridal shop preparing for their pre-honeymoon.. actually they are just going overseas to places like Tioman or Bali to take their wedding photos outdoor... isn't it nice to have your wedding photos taken in such nice places like that? It is soo much better than having your wedding photos taken at the back alley of the wedding studio.. yucks... i seriously want a nice outdoor wedding album... after all it is once in a lifetime... unless u tell me u will be getting married a couple of times... nothing to say..

imagine getting happily married to the one... being able to spend every single min of your life with him....share your rest of your life together with a addition of a baby.... somehow everything seems in place.. how nice..... haiz.

continue dreaming...

A BETTER FUTURE FOR A BETTER LIFE

admit it.. humans are greedy...

they have a house but they always want something better.. maybe a condo maybe private property maybe a bungalow maybe a villa maybe a penthouse...

they have money but they always want more... when u earn 2k u want 3k when u earn 3k u want 4k..

they have a mean of transportation.. but they are always looking for a better, more comfortable and more luxiourious alternative... maybe a BMW, maybe a convertible.. maybe a sport car remodified...

Buddhism teaches us about nothing is forever.. be it a relationship with family or frenz, be it feelings for a loved one... dun even mention materialistic things such as money... however being born into this materialistic world, everyone seem to be born into this cycle of chasing for more... it is a never-ending quest for more and better...

and i guess i am one of them... although again and again i tell myself sometimes humans got to stop in their steps for a never ending quest to tell themselves how much they should be contented with what they have now.. a shelter over their heads no matter how lousy that shelter is and food in their stomach no matter how yucky the food is... they shld even be glad that they are alive in this world even though they might be poor... becoz there are more ppl out there without a shelter over their heads, without food in their stomach and yet they are glad they are still alive in this world... becoz as long as they are alive.. there is still hope.. what are we to compare with them??

sometimes i just can't help but admire ppl with a better life than me.. they earn good money... they drive a car... they live in a big house, they have all the money they need to go travelling around the world, live in expensive resorts and hotels, buy all the things that they wanted.. diamonds, clothes, shoes and bags... without even a twink of the eye... even though they are of the same age as me... but i keep on telling myself... if i work hard.. one day i will also have the same success.. but most importantly i must be happie.. and i keep on telling my darling that.. becoz i have all the confidence in him that he can achieve very good results in the current industry that he is in.. even though now everything seems blank as he just started out... but give him one or two years.. i am sure he will be able to make it well... or even better than me...

jia you darling.. i will always support u..

CHEATERS!!

my ex colleague.. (shall not mention her name) just told me today that her bf (now ex bf to be exact) is actually married with two kids........ DAMN BLOODY HELL... i was damn angry and pissed off when i heard that lo.... it is just bullshit lo.. if u already have a wife and two kids bloody hell go back to ur family... and treat them nicely and properly.. why the hell do u still want to get a gf outside???

dun tell me u just like the feeling of secrecy where u have to hide in the corner to talk to your wife and kids when you are out with ur gf... and lie that you are actually busy at work...... if you have all the time.. why can't u go home and take good care of ur family..

i am pissed... seriously.. as everyone reading my blog would realise by now... there is only space for one person in everyone heart... if u decided to get married to ur wife... she shld be the one and only... u can't love someone else and still love ur wife.. come on la.. dun be so greedy k..?? u took the marriage vows to stick with her from now till forever, till death do you part and outside of ur house away from ur family u are telling someone else u wan to get married to her too?? AND THE BIG PROBLEM IS U SAID U ARE SINGLE!!!!! wah that is it man... and pls la.. u have 2 kids to take care of.. can't u be more responsible as a man.... what kind of man are u...??

seriously speaking i can never tolerate a man cheating on me... and i certainly wun and will never go to that extent of cheating on my partner.. if u are the one u will be the only one... no matter what happens, a couple have to walk through it all... u know why most couples in the past even though they might not even have a chance to love each other before they got married yet their marriage can last.... that is because once they decided to get married.. they put a strong committment to maintaining the relationship.. it is a fullstop to them... no matter what happens they are determinded to survive through it all.. but nowadays everybody just have this tooopidz mentality that yah we get married now.. if things dun work out... we get a divorce lo... and move on with another cycle... they of coz choose the easy way out by signing their names on a piece of paper to symbolise the end of all their misery... why can't someone be truthful to their partner now and forever... they promised to do so didn't they........ why must u say "I love u forever" to 2 persons at the same time.. dun u even know what is love?? why would u cheat on someone u love..? and if u seriously dun love the person.. why hang on to him/her......... just let her go......

bloody b*st*rds..cheaters and liars!!