U know... sometimes I think to myself is life unfair to me?..I dun get to choose how I want my life to be... I always ask myself why izzit that I must have scoliosis.... why izzit me the unlucky one to become one of the millions in Singapore to get this illness... why is my illness discovered so late(at the time my illness was discovered there wasn't any education about this illness.. what are the symptons to look out for... in fact noone knew about its existence.. ) In fact I have all the symptons but it is way too late by the time my mum realise about my illness... my whole body is already seriously deformed and that there is nothing much for the doctor to do to correct that except the last option surgery (If I dun go thru the surgery I will be paralysed by the age of 16.. my spine will be too deformed to support my body and I wun be able to walk at all)... why must I have steel rods attached besides my spine affecting my whole life.... not allowing me to do so many things that I wanna do like bungee jumping, parachuting... everytime I do something I got to rethink if whatever I do will kill me or paralyse me forever.... All along I went against all strict instructions given down by my doc... I am not supposed to do exercise I went ahead to join cross country in secondary school... I am not supposed to lift heavy things I went ahead to carry stocks in Delifrance... I am not supposed to play rollar coaster or any 360degrees games that might hurt my back I went ahead to do so.. I am not supposed to fight with others just in case someone hit hard on my back and break the steel rods or my spine...I didn't care at that time.. I am even supposed to be careful when climbing the stairs.. just in case I fall hard on my back...sound crazy yeh... but one thing I did follow.. I missed all the sit and reach excercise during my PE lessions.. in fact from primary 4 onwards after my operations.. I am no longer allowed to participate in any forms of excercise... however I went ahead to take part in sports in secondary school.. volleyball netball cross country but yet I still continue to forgo sit and reach.. before that I am always a gold medal holder but haiz.. just becoz of sit and reach.. I can't bend my body... can't even get a lousy medal in the end... All I always wanna to prove is that I can do everything... just like any normal ppl.. but the truth is I can't.. I remember once I was packing stocks I sprained my back... told a frenz abt it and he got so worried wanting to admit me into hospital for a detailed check up to make sure there is no movements in the steel rods... sometimes life just doesn't get to be what U wanna it to be right? u think I dun wanna to be beautiful... be chio like any other gers... u think I like my body the way it is? I also wish for an hour glass figure.. to be able to wear tight fitting tanktops and spaghetti straps and look nice in it... I also wish i can wear bikini and get a nice suntan on my body... i also wish i can be sexy.. but too bad I don't get to take part in any of the decision making process... do i?
Sometimes I think humans are too greedy... some gers have the best of the worlds.. They have a nice figure, a pretty looking face, nice complexion and they still wanna go for plastic surgery to make themselves even prettier... I can't even go for plastic surgery... Haha.. but come to think about it.. I am also much much luckier than some people on earth... that is what I keep on telling myself... There are ppl out there starving with no food yet they can't help themselves but wait for death to come... there are ppl who are born handicapped without hands or legs or with hands and legs that can't be used... I remember when I am in primary school.. my mum got to carry my bag for me to school becoz I can't carry heavy things... there was this guy together with me who look perfectly healthy but he has soft leg bones which means even though he got legs he can't walk..once he walk his legs will break... he got to come to school in a wheelchair whereas I still can walk by myself to school... I remember whenever my mum send me to school for assembly.. the whole school will look at me and him becoz we are the only two weirdos who have our mums staying besides us for every classes..I used to cry at school.. becoz ppl used to laugh at me... so old still need my mummy to carry my bag for me.. (thinking back my mum really went thru alot to support me until now especially the one mth that I was in hospital after the operation she is basically besides me the entire mth.. I remember her slping on the floor besides me while I am in extra care unit... I remember her crying when I got an virus infection leading to a very serious asthma attack.. I thought I was going to die.. haha)... there are ppl born deaf, dumb or blind.. there are ppl who are disfigured on their face when born.. or maybe disfigured thru some unfortunate accidents but they still go on their life as normal... not bothering about how other stare at them on the MRT, on the road....there are ppl born with down syndrome... ppl born with pigmentation or skin problems... compared to such ppl I am considered much lucky...what am I compared to them? I get to behave like a normal person although restricted in some ways.. but still normal.. even though I can only wear loose fitting clothes to cover my deformed body.. at least when I am dressed up.. others can't see any of my flaws... at least I still have my hands and legs, still can talk, eat, listen and hear what others say... I am fortunate in many ways.. I should be glad that I am still living in this world... day by day.. I shld be glad that I have a complete family, loving parents and grandparents... a shelter over my head, a proper job and a proper pay... glad for my achievements so far... what else can I ask for??
Some websites on scoliosis...
http://orthoinfo.aaos.org/brochure/thr_report.cfm?Thread_ID=14&topcategory=Spine
www.srs.org
www.scoliosisrx.com
www.iscoliosis.com
