New addition to the family

Our daughter was born into the Koh family on 13th January 2012. It's all exciting to become a parent all over again after 2 and a half years and everything feel sooo new... we have forgotten most of how we took care of Gerald and thus it really feel like we are starting all over again... but one thing for sure, at least we know how to carry our baby this time round... hahha..

I haven't posted in this blog for quite some time now and sincerely is not expecting anyone to be reading or following it... but I really wanted to blog about something that has been weighing heavily in my mind... breastfeeding...

Everywhere i go... be it in the hospital or reading books etc... it's talking about breastfeeding being good for the baby... Yeap I have no doubts about that.. but I cannot understand why we have to be "forced" to breastfeed... I do believe about giving the best to my baby... but my first attempt to breastfeed Gerald resulted in me falling into post natal depression... I have no support from my family... not from my husband not from my parents in law nor from my parents either... it's me and me alone insisting that i want to breastfeed with the entire world around me going against it... it's tiring enough to be breastfeeding every 2 hours.. it's even more tiring to have people telling you that baby is still hungry.. you should not be tiring yourself out etc...in the end I reluctantly gave up the fight and have Gerald on formula.. but he grew up to be a healthy baby nevertheless...

This time round, I decided I am not going to stress myself out and have myself going into post natal depression and so I have decided to take things easy on myself... nevertheless I do have to go through the whole self - convincing struggle that it's okay not to breastfeed.. look Gerald drank formula and he's healthy and what's most important is that our daughter grew up healthy and safe too!

But seeing articles on breastfeeding and the slogan of breastmilk is good for your baby still bring back the guilty feeling from time to time. In all the articles.. they all talk about having support, that it's tiring but it's what a mum can do best for the baby... it's a great bonding opportunity etc... in the hospital all the nurses kept forcing you to breastfeed the baby... but seriously why non of the articles talk about not adding stress to the mum? All articles talk about getting help if you are having problems breastfeeding but if you are a mum that is suffering from baby blues.. struggling and learning how to take care of your kid... the worst thing is to have to struggle to breastfeed with no support from family members.. how demoralising is that..?

I dunno.. that's just solely my point of view.. i am not trying to find excuses for myself not breastfeeding my baby but i think I do not want to stress myself out and risk myself going into post natal depression once again... This time round I want to fully embrace the experience of having my second kid... and that can be fulfilled even though I am not breastfeeding... hopefully my daughter will grow up as healthy as her brother...

Missing my blog?

Haven't been updating for very long. As usual. Dun think anyone miss it other than myself. Hah

Anyway everything has been going quite normally as usual. There isn't anything interesting enough to talk about thus the reason for not updating.

I wanted to update on my Bali trip but it take a hell long of a time to post pics so I decided against it.

As for Gerald he look pretty much the same as he is a couple of months ago too! Haha. His learning ability has picked up alot now. Now u teach him one word he learn one word u teach him one thing he learn one thing. Basically whatever u ask him to say he will repeat it after u. So he can now say a to z and 1 to 10 and he can sing bits and pieces of twinke twinke little star and abc song in repeat mode. He learned alot of songs and stuffs at playgroup lessons so I conclude playgroup is good. At least now he can play with other kids... Though he still need some warmth up time beforehand.

As for me and Rick, it's still work, eat, sleep. Haha stagnant like a rock. So much so I feel myself turning moldy.

But overall everything is good. Nothing good nothing bad either. Boring post right?? Now u know why I always hesitate to post on my blog.. Imagine 10 posts of this?? Boring like he'll man.

Gerald got a new haircut

Touched by my little baby son

My son is sooo cute and adorable. So much so sometimes u just can't be angry at him seriously. Yesterday I brought Gerald to my parents place for dinner. The boy is recently learning how to eat using a spoon. But most of the times he use it as a drum stick and knock it on the table. So yesterday when he wanted to take the spoon I was telling him sternly no that is to eat not to play. But I gave him a empty one anyway. And he started digging around my plate of rice with his spoon as if he is trying to scoop rice with it. And in the end he did manage to scoop a tiny bit of rice and I thought he will feed himself and no he took the spoon and wanted to feed me!!! My silly boy.... Hahaha and then as he was lifting up the spoon the tiny ball of rice fell off the spoon and he actually said 'aiyoh..' before picking up the rice with his finger and feed it to me.... So touched by this boy of mine... Haha so much so I laughed until I cried... I wasn't expecting that but it just how how much that boy is attached to me doesn't it?? that little silly gesture of him really make me smile whenever I think of it.

Photo updates of Gerald

Update on Gerald.

Gerald playgroup started today. But today is just orientation. Tomorrow my mother in law is bringing Gerald to school alone as we reckon if too many of us go together he will get clingy and cry if he see us leaving. And my heart sure soften if I see him crying and the teacher not taking good care of him so I decided it might be better if I dun go. But today we left him at the table playing Lego by himself and he did and he didn't cry when he realized none of us is within his sight. He was shouting for attention which the teacher went over and talked to him but he refused to talk to the teacher and continued shouting. But he didn't cry which was good. In the end he got off his chair and came looking for us and he thought we are playing hide and seek. Haha. Took him a while before he is familiar with my parents seeing them once a week so it might be faster with his teacher as he see them every mon to fri I hope. He saw a car there that he really like. I think he is going to get stuck to the car!!! Haha the other kids wun have a chance.

2011 A New Beginning

It's a new year. 2011. A new year a new beginning. I dunno what life have ahead. The only thing I know is I am going to do the same as what I have done for the past few years. Live each day as it passes.

Gerald is going to start playgroup this year and he will be turning 2 in May. I wish for him to be healthy and well for 2011. He will continue to remain the centre piece in my life. I wish that me and my hubby will be as loving as before. No major obstacles or hurdles in our marriage. As for me I dun believe in new year resolutions as I never seem to fulfill them. But I hope to pick back up my running shoes, go swimming more constantly and live a healthier lifestyle than the past few years. And make more money that's for sure!! Huat ah!!

Couple rings

We went shopping yesterday at Bugis Junction. Ultimate goal: to look for a pair of wedding bands. Reason being the careless me actually lost my wedding ring during a trip to Malaysia. sob sob

So recently we started our search for a wedding band again. Been to Tian Po, Goldheart, D Meyson, Sk and a few goldsmiths to look look see see. At first our idea is to buy just a pure ring with no designs and no diamonds as it symbolizes the purest love. But yesterday our search ended up Sk. And we didn't get a pure ring. We got a set of platinum rings two tones silver and yellow gold with jagged edges. Sometimes buying rings is just the feel. Both of us really like it at first sight. Despite it not being what we started out with we still decided to go ahead.

Our first set of rings was quite cheap. We didn't have much money and we didn't have much knowledge and experience in buying a ring so we went for something with gaps which accordingly to Chinese saying it's not good as the marriage will have gaps too. This time we went for something a little expensive as we think if we are going to wear it for long it will be worth it after a while.

However as my finger size is too small they need to hand custom make it in japan and the whole process will take 3 months!!! Oh my god by the time we get the rings it will be in mar next year.... Haha that's very long. Never mind it's worth it.

Missing Toowoomba

That missing feeling is back again. Despite me refusing to live a life in Australia, once in a while I still misses those carefree days in Toowoomba. Those days that we have steamy hot steamboat in cold weather days, those days that we drove to Brisbane and Gold Coast for a short getaway, those days when we just gathered at a friend house to chit chat, those days that we go to town for lunch/dinner and clubbing. Oh and those days that we sat on the lawn in campus enjoying the sun and breeze in autumn having our sandwiches and those winter days when we sat in the campus cafe having a nice warm hot chocolate..I even missed those days we went grocery shopping and those cooking days. And I missed my kebabs, my quiches and my super spicy Tom yam noodle soup!! Those were the days sia. I will really love to go back there again one day to re visit all my old memories. Argghh I want to go back to Toowoomba!!

Determine to live

I will never let anything or anyone put me down. No matter what happen I will live on with my life. I will never give up my life for anything. Until the day death claim me, if not I will never send myself to him. There are people who wanted to live but dun get a chance to. So I am determined to live my life till the very end when life is taken from me.

Will move on

Haiz never mind. This will become part of my memory. I will continue with my life. And I hope she will too. I don't want to talk to her but I am sure other people will say the exact same things as what I have to say.

Full of anger

Full of anger at her foolishness!!!! Simply just can't get over it. Already 30 years old and still commit such a foolish mistake. It can cost you your life, your future forever!! Why can't you just look ahead!! There are soo many beautiful things that could happen ahead of you but all you see is the past and now.... Haiz seriously....

I dun know if you are still angry at me for saying those things to you but I just wanted you to wake up to reality. You kept complaining about him but you still sticked by him refusing to leave him. You said I was rude to tell you all those things and from then on refused to talk to me. I am fine... But to see you falling deeper and deeper... Haiz i have done my part. It is all out of concern for your own good. I don't want you to become another victim and yet you became one of the worst victims ever.

Now what? It has became reality. I and many of the people around you have proven our words. If you would have listened to us then... Yes to be fair for a while I too thought he will change for you and maybe you have the power to change him but I realized I was wrong. He will never change. But why are you so foolish????

It's not worth it!!

Just got news yesterday that a friend friend ex gf committed suicide the day before. Thanks god she didn't die but the whole incident left me damn furious and disgusted. Why is she so foolish? Why is she so stupid? To give up your precious life over a bloody worthless guy!!

I know both her and her ex. The guy is totally crap. Always not working. Never stay in a proper job for longer than a year. A dreamer. Always dreaming of achieving big but never ever taking action. Hello if you dream but you never take action, how do you expect to succeed? And he spend her hard earned money. She is not earning much in the first place but he spend her money. Hello it's seriously time you wake up your mind!!!

Pure disgust. seriously. Angry and disgusted that she committed suicide over such a useless guy. Everyone around her has been telling her to break off with the guy. She refused to listen. Saying that she can change him and he is willing to change for her and he is changing. Come on it's all sweet talk. When you realize he get himself a job and quit the next, you should know he is not serious about changing at all. I suppose at that point of time she is so deeply madly in love with the guy she is in denial mode and no matter what others say she refuses to listen. Look what came true. Haiz. I knew when they got together that nothing good is going to come out of it but I also know no matter what I tell her it's no use.

But you dun have to kill yourself over the guy!!!! Arghhh that's what pisses me off. I wish I could go to the hospital give her some hard shakes and scold her and let her wake up her mind. Yes you got ditched by the guy but hey there are other guys out there. Only by living on will you meet the guy who will treasure you for who you are. Maybe you might meet the right one. Only by living on. By dying everything is gone. You are not even giving yourself the second chance.

You are just being ditched don't you even have the ability to move on with your life??? You are in control mentally and physically, you can do it yourself. Why do you let such a worthless guy put you down? Are you that weak that you cannot even take control and live on?? Stand up bravely and move on! There are better things ahead!! There are people out there who want to live but yet are struggling to live and you have everything to live on properly but you choose to give it up. What a irony.

What about your parents and your true friends? They are so concerned about you what will happen to them when you die? Your parents especially. They gave you life support you through school and you gave up your life and everything else over a guy who might just become a passer by in your life. Haiz

And the best thing is the guy know about her committing suicide and he continue his life as per normal... partying and merrymaking away...This guy is seriously not worth it, gal. You will meet someone better. Just live on.

Gerald as a photographer

Gerald took it using my phone front cam. Clever boy! But my haircut is damn messy. The photographer didn't prepare me for the shot. Hah

Emptiness & loneliness

I am not sure why but today suddenly out of the blue I felt quite lonely. It's like I have devoted my life to my family, my kid and my work all my life and then turn around and realize I have no friends to hang out with. My daily routine is work n home after. Weekends is family n never out with friends. Even if I go for my occasional pampering facial and pedicure it is by myself and never with a friend.

I have two gal friends who I hanged out with for dinner sometimes when the 3 of us are free to meet up. Other than that., no more. All my other friends even though we are in touch via Facebook have grown apart after all these years. They have continued with their life in a different way that I can no longer connect to them and there are no more common topics to chat about. Even though I have known some for more than 10 years now.

I suppose this could be how some wifes and/or mums felt when they have devoted their life to their marriages and their family and their family and/or marriage life collapses. They are left feeling empty, disconnected and neglected. The life buoy that you have been holding on no longer support you and the world that you have been living in just collapses into pieces.

That's why they said emptiness/loneliness is a scary thing.

Farked up day at work

Damn pissed off with work today!! Arggghh!!! Thanks god there is Gerald to hold my hand and give me a hug when I reached home...

Bintan Agro Resort_Nov 20-21,2010

We booked a 2D1N trip to Bintan Agro Resort from 20-21 November to celebrate both our birthdays in Nov. It's been a long time since we last went on a trip by ourselves. the last one was to Phuket in Jan 2010..so this trip was really a good getaway for both of us to rebond and spend some good time with one another...

Bintan Agro Resort is located in the south-eastern coast of Bintan Island. You have to take a 1 hour and 45 mins ferry from Tanah Merah to Tanjung Pinang followed by a 45 mins transfer from the ferry terminal to reach there.

We took the 8.50am ferry from Indofalcon and thus we set off to Tanah Merah about 7.15am. Parked the car, got our ferry tickets, went for a quick breakfast (coffee, tea, bread and eggs), quick smoke, went through the boarding gate and onto the ferry..the lower deck of the ferry is already full by the time we got on so we had to sit on the upper deck which is open... becoz it's early morning, the sun isnt scorching hot.. thanks god... and the sea breeze was damn good in the face.. not too bad after all..

On the ferry

After about 1hr and 30 mins, we arrive at Tanjung Pinang. The queue to clear customs was really long and it really took us quite a while as we were almost towards the last of the queue..Met up with the local staff from the resort who will arrange for our land transfer and after about 45 mins drive, we arrived at the resort!! Checked in and went straight to our room..

Our Junior Suite

View from our room

The room was big and spacious. Rest & relax for a while before heading out to the Asiana Bistro and Bar for lunch. Hubby ordered Fried Rice and I ordered Fried Noodles. His came with fried egg, satay and rice crackers and mine came with fried chicken wing and fried egg. Nice....


View from Asiana Bistro & Bar

While waiting for food

Nice Food

After that, we took a walk around the resort.. it's a nice quiet resort with a recreation centre providing some sea sports activities and day tours to nearby islands, 2 places to eat, 1 spa and 2 small swimming pools..good for people like us who are not planning to do much anyway. They spent quite a bit of work to keep the grounds green & tidy.. you kept seeing people sweeping the floor of leaves...clearing puddles of waters, trimming weeds etc.. me and hubby grew up in kampungs so we are quite fine with the whole rustic kampong feel to the whole place..









After our walk, we went back to the room and I caught up with some sleep.. getting a little dazed from not having enough sleep.. haha.. then we went to our spa session at Oceania Spa at 4pm Indo Time.. Hubby went for thai massage which was conducted at the outdoor beach gazebo at the beachfront (Nice!) and I went for the aromatheraphy massage which is conducted in one of the rooms with seaview.. but there isn't any point seriously since you can't hear the waves neither can you feel the seabreeze neither can you see the seaview as you are facing down?? Still prefer the spa at KTM resort. I signed up for a 90 mins sessions but most of the time seem to be spent on massaging my legs as compared to my shoulders and the indo lady that was massaging me didnt have a very good command of English so I never asked her to do more of my shoulders.. never mind.. at least we both had a massage

Stayed in our room for a while since we are not that hungry from our very late and filling lunch.. only headed out for dinner at the Sun Moon Restaurant and Bar at around 8pm coming to 9pm i think.. ordered steamed rice with baby kailan, oatmeal sotong and chilli crabs with beer! I had the chilli crab craving for a long time now and I am so happy that I finally get to lay my hands on crabs! The food is seriously good...and it's good to have a proper nice meal with hubby...

Our Dinner
Hubby with his food

Then it's back to the room for more beers and sleep! Woke up super early the next day because the sun was super bright and shining into the room at 6am in the morning.. gosh.. and I thought I can sleep late... duhz.. but anyway we managed to fall in and out of sleep until 9am before we headed out for breakfast.. breakfast spread was okay.. much better than the fried rice, fried beehoon and fried noodles plus bread at KTM. They have counters cooking eggs, fried kway tiao and roti prata, lotong, fried fritters etc etc.. at least more varieties.. had a good breakfast, confirmed our late check out at 3pm and stayed in the room till then.. (since our land transfer is only coming at 4pm and our ferry is at 6pm Indo time..). Checked out and headed over to Sun Moon for our lunch.. which is Sun Moon fried rice (very special) and sambal kang kong.. (another craving of mine)

On the way to Sun Moon

Me & hubby
During low tide

While waiting for food
Our Lunch

Then it's time to make our way home... the top deck of the ferry this time is packed with people.. maybe because it's night time and not so hot as compared to the morning or afternoon ferry but at one point I was seriously thinking the ferry is overcrowded man... but anyway we made our way home safety and by the time we got home, it is already past 10pm... home sweet home

一切掌握在你手里

小时候，因为身体的一些缺陷，被同年龄的同学给排斥，给他们取笑。那个时候很伤心。不知道人家为什么要怎么说我。我妈当时跟我说，别人要怎么说你不要紧， 不要去管他们。别人的嘴巴是他们的，他们要说什么随便他们。不要因为他们所说了而影响你以后的生活。命是你的，生命也是你的， 你要怎么过是你自己的事，跟别人没有关系。

其实有一些事发生时好像是一件很大的事，那个时候很生气很伤心，可是过后就会发现其实没什么。人要看开。不看开的话，一切都很重要，生活永远都难过。佛学说生不带来，死不带去，一切要放下放开，亲情， 爱情，金钱等等。我没有那么伟大。我放不下我的父母，我的家庭，我的爱情，还有我的孩子等等。太多太多的东西，抱住不愿意放下。所以我选择了珍惜。珍惜现在所拥有的一切。至少到我走的那一天，虽然不能带走任何东西，至少我拥有过，我有回忆，我也给了别人回忆。人生原本是那么简单。

Birthday

In the past birthdays are meant to be celebrated for myself. After I became a mum, birthdays have taken on a brand new meaning. Birthday meaning birth - day: is the day my mum gave birth to me after going through 9 months of pregnancy and hours of labour pain. From this day onwards, my mum began her never ending job of taking care of me and worrying for me. So every birthday is much more symbolic than mothers day. Thus all my birthdays will now be celebrated for my mum, who gave birth to me on the very day known as my birth - day. Just like I told Gerald on his 1st birthday, this is the very day I gave birth to you.

Sulky Gerald

He is all dressed up and waiting by the door to go out



But we continue to dilly dally and the boy got impatient



Haha silly little boy.....